What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Ozark Snotmouth
I ‘m known to have a strong stomach, but this week’s photo made me GAG! Now, I’m afraid to go to sleep for fear this disgusting image has burned itself into my brain cell (singular). When I was child nightmares of snakes often plagued my sleep. Just when I thought I’d put that chapter behind me—BAM! Now, I have to write about it. Oh well, the doctor says it’s good therapy.
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Ozark Snotmouth
I hate snakes. All five kinds—large, small, dead, alive, and rubber.
As a rural farm boy, I was unfortunate enough to experience dozens of unexpected encounters with these cold-blooded vermin. From March to November they sensed my every move, engaging in a horrible conspiracy to torment and terrorize me—often generating unsightly stains in my underpants.
The most horrific of all these despicable, slimy creatures is the Ozark Snotnose. This snake does not have fangs, but smothers its victim in a disgusting drool the consistency of rubber cement.
There is no anti-venom. Your only defense is tall boots and Kleenex.
14 Comments on “Ozark Snotmouth”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Russell,I've never run across the snake you describe. Kept many as pets growing up. (allergic to furry things so I fed all sorts to my snakes) Part of my survival kit for reading your stories is tall boots so I'm halfway there. As there are no snakes in Hawaii I think I'll hold off on the Kleenex.Another fine piece of humor, skid marks and all.Aloha,Doughttp://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/mcmurdo-countdown-objects-in-mirror/
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Interesting take on the photo. I love the name Ozark Snotnose!
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I found the thought of snakes anticipating my movements almost as equally horrifying as being drowned in this dreadful goo! Good one Russell. I'll skip breakfast…
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Hmmm… unsightly stains in my underpants.I find that even scarier than the snakes.
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I do NOT want to run across that snake. Great take on the prompt…as usual. Loved your five kinds of snakes. Never been too fond of slithery creatures myself. Oh…and you are forgiven for being late to comment on my story. And thanks for your kind remarks. http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/08/wild-life.html
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I like the way you turned the photo upside down — it really does look like a snotmouth! Have to say, Russell, I never would have pegged you for someone afraid of snakes. Is that fiction? :)–Janhttp://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/flashfriday-fictioneers-devolution/
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My favourite line by far is "All five kinds—large, small, dead, alive, and rubber." Just perfect.I hate snakes too, and I'm going to have to reconsider my opinion of Mr MacIlroy now he's admitted to the massacre of furry things!http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/friday-fiction-torment/
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I can relate, I swear all spiders in the area stalk me, striking at any time! LOL. Well done, interesting take on the prompt.
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Sounds like you've exorcised your demons. 🙂
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I admit, I looked up Ozark Snotmouth on Wikipedia. Wikipedia does not have an article. Perhaps I will create one-and use this story as my source!I too liked the line about hating all sorts of snakes, including rubber ones.
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Hahahaha! Even though the pic was nasty and made you gag, you sure came up with a good story! I hope the therapy worked and now you can rest easy for the rest of your nights 😉
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Ha, all five kinds indeed. Great story again this week!
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Loved the story.I have a pet snake that got loose and ran into another snake that hissed at mine. He was obviously anti my snake.Would that make him an anti-hissedamine?If so, I think he would be a good defense snake against the Snotmouth in addition to high boots and Kleenex.Let me know if interested, and I will start studding him – though not personally. Randy
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I'm late commenting, but I loved the twisted perception that led to this morsel. (Just thought I'd throw in a food reference to see if you'd gag again. Did it work?) Nice mix of the realistic and the preposterous.
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