What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Distasteful Voyage
One of the first movies I watched in a theater was Fantastic Voyage, the 1966 sci-fi film in which a submarine and crew of scientists were shrank to microscopic size and injected into a neck artery for the purpose of destroying a blood clot. The special effects were primitive by today’s standards, but to an eleven year old boy who made poor grades in science, they were terrifyingly realistic.
When I saw this week’s photo prompt from Jennifer Pendergast, I knew it was time to transport my readers forward in time for a similar excursion inside the human body. If you are new to Friday Flash Fictions, the mad scientist in charge of the program is the ever-vigilant Dr. Ruthenstein Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate, in this weekly exercise in madness, visit her blog, http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/ after which, scroll down to the blue In links critter and follow the links to other author’s blogs.
Captain’s log, June 14, 2025. The HMO Penetralia, has been dispatched to an asteroid galaxy directly above Uranus. In preparation of our arrival, Central Command directed a unit from the GoLytely division to flush the area of foreign debris.
Our orders are to engage and destroy all alien life-forms attempting to create settlements within the region. Thus far, we have only encountered token resistance from scattered, nomadic Polyps.
The ship stops unexpectedly.
“Captain to engine room. MacIlroy, what’s going on down there? We need more power.”
“Apparently Captain,” said Mr. Block, “we are in the clutches of a giant tapeworm.”
29 Comments on “Distasteful Voyage”
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What's So Funny? 
Fantastically comical. I’m fairly certain Ensign Bran Mufn, the weapons officer, will successfully blast it all away.
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Right you are, JK. I wish I’d had more space to expand the crew. We could have really had some fun then.
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Good one, JK!
janet
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A giant tape worm, What a great imagination. However I can see us traveling the galaxy looking for a new home for the earthlings. 🙂
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those darn nomadic Polyps…
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This one came from left-field, Russell, but it’s as entertaining as ever. What a thought.
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Terrific colonic humour…sorry that’s laconic humour. What are you on?
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This is great. I like how you worked in the other Fictioneers’ names in here, that’s really nice. Great little story, very entertaining.
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Thanks, Scriptor. I aim to please, or at least make you queasy.
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Dear Dr. Golytely,
This has got to IMHO be one of your best. Beats a high colonic (Not a Jewish holiday). My own visitation from HMO Penetralia isn’t all that far behind me. I’m flushed and giddy with laughter.
Shalom,
Dr. Ruthenstein
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Thank you Dr. Ruthenstein. My cheeks blush from such high praise.
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Don’t forget to crack a smile.
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. . . as in plumber’s crack?
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Russell, on this voyage, was it Macilroy who was the discoverer of The Golden Turd?
Just a thought …
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That explains a lot. No wonder he can afford to live in Hawaii
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Nothing really left to say after all that. You must be flushed with success.
Enjoy the weekend (or weak end),
janet
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wow. you have jumped from Earth to Uranus:) brilliant imagination:)
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You take your life in your hands, don’t you… messing with the good Dr?
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Russell,
You are certifiable. i’ll be in the engineroom if you need me.
Aloha,
Doug
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I was afraid you were going to say “Any more and she’s gonna blow.” That’s always bad news in the middle of a colonoscopy.
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I too remember seeing that move in the theatre. We sat in almost the front row. Wow!
Sounds like you have the right captain, but is it like captain Kirk of startrek who gets his shirt ripped up ever show ?
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Oh snap, that reminds me, I have to schedule a colonoscopy.
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Oh so wrong but oh so right. Funny stuff Russell. Thanks for the laugh.
Tom
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Block, who always needs more power at his age, speaking here from the engine room: “We are prepared to penetrate Uranus, sir, as soon as we get a look at which constellation Uranus is a part of. If it’s Andromeda or Cassiopeia, that’ll be terrific! But if it’s some big smelly animal or sweaty old god, get yourself another boy! As for the giant tapeworm, you kill it! I’m going to go hit the holodeck ….
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And I thought you were the logical one, Block.
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Being logical would be illogical, captain!
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What I remember most about that film was that Raquel Welch was in it. She’s what provoked my thoughts.
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There is a great picture of her that pops up on the internet when researching this film. She was definitely the eye candy in this movie.
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~sigh~ I shakes my head and thinks, “The universe is no longer safe.”
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