What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Bloodline Talent
For ages scientists have been trying to quantify how much of our talents, behaviors, and booger-pickin’ tendencies come from our DNA and how much is a reflection of the environment in which we’re raised. This makes me wonder what would happen to that new English prince, Baby George, if Kate and Will were willing to let him spend the first five years of his life on a chicken farm in south Alabama. I bet we can safely predict he’d learn to speak without that stuffy British accent and not be scared to get a little manure between his toes.
But at some point, he would probably discover that he was not the same as some of his neighbors. Things that come easy for him might be difficult for his playmates, and things they can do without thinking; such as belching the entire lyrics of Sweet Home Alabama, would be dang near impossible for his princely esophagus to utter.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Dean of Genealogy and the Queen of Historical Fiction is Gertrude “Bloodhound” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
HUURRY, HUURRY, HUURRY.
Step right up ladies and gentlemen and behold the world’s greatest dog-treeing human. For the unbelievable price of only one dollar you can witness the incredible talent of this gifted toddler with your own two eyes.
Guaranteed to track, trail, and tree anything from the tiniest Chihuahua to a gigantic Irish Wolfhound. Once she picks up the scent, it’s only a matter of moments till the dog is scurrying up a tree whimpering like a politician in a sex scandal.
This child is a direct descendant of the world renowned Gertrude “Cold-nose” Blanchard, a three-time Grand Champion at the Greater Missouri National Dog-Treeing Finals.
HUURRY, HUURRY, HUURRY.
26 Comments on “Bloodline Talent”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Scruffy,
I’m happy to have the day off today so I can be one of the first to read. Apparently you’ve met my granddaughter. 😉 I laughed from the beginning of your intro to the last line. As a matter of fact, with the weather temps today, my nose is decidedly cold.
Shalom and Woof,
Gertie
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Glad you enjoyed it, Gertie. Your granddaughter is a beautiful little girl and I’m sure, if she’s like her grandma, she’ll grow up to be very talented in other areas besides just treeing dogs.
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Ha.. this is so funny.. and I’m so glad that I’m the first to comment. Treeing a dog is a gift only toddlers with real balls can do (probably the hard kind you can throw at dogs)…
I would love to see a treed Chihuahua —
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A fun story! Quite a talent this toddler has to shoo dogs up trees fast as can bes. You made me smile, from the intro to the caption to the story. I’d pay a dollar to see this toddler perform the tree-shooing skill, and I’d part with another dollar to hear her belch “Sweet Home Alabama!”
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Funny stuff–“whimpering like a politician in a sex scandal.” 🙂
Also like your new avatar!
Happy new year, Russell!
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Is there such a thing as dog-treeing? Sounds credible to me although we don’t have that kind of thing in Philadelphia. Although I do frequently scurry up a tree whimpering like a politician in a sex scandal because I’m a very good whimperor. Happy New Year, Russell!
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Since you’ve got that part of it mastered, all you need to do is find a sex scandal and get involved.
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I’m glad I had my ventolin handy, I laughed till I had a coughing fit. Another great one from start to finish Russell 🙂 Gertie’s granddaughter certainly is talented and cute to boot.
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Too funny. Love your intro too. Good seeing you. Happy New Year to you.
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Now there’s a human with a gift!
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2014/01/02/friday-fictioneers-blasted-from-the-past-carolyns-adventures-r-1314/
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OK this was seriously clever.P.S it is the FFF Hollywood Squares. That one will stick.
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Loved your new contact lenses – but then I like ‘overstated’. And I loved your story!
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Well, thank you, Sandra. I do like to make a spectacle out of myself.
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Ah, Russell, you’ve done it again. I enjoyed every word and I’m sure Kate and Wills would give your proposal due consideration if you put it to them.
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It would sure the the paparazzi that follows the Royal Family plenty to write about.
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This top dog knocks New York City tree bagging off it’s perch, Russell. Bring on the gigantic Irish Wolfhound!
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🙂
janet
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No doubt you’ve captured her! Somehow, you can tell by the way she looks up at that pup! Bloodlines indeed! Now, funny that we both have clown noses this week, right?
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great stuff, russell. this was very clever. i wish you a wonderful 2014 🙂
ps your new clown photo scared me hahaha!
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“Like a politician in a sex scandal”…love that line!
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I love the idea of “dog-treeing humans”!
This was very amusing.
“Stuffy British accent”? Hmmph 🙂
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Haha! I never thought I’d see the day when ‘Tree’ was turned into a verb.
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I don’t know about you, but I would pay to this. I would! Great story, Russell!
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Dog-treeing human – very clever as are you! My sister has a jack russell that can climb trees too!
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I would love to see a toddler tree a great dane. Nice idea, and got a big laugh out of me as always!
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There is much talent to be found in that girl’s DNA.
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