Russell Gayer, author speaker
You’ve read the title and I know what you’re thinking–shame on you!
But then . . . what if you’re right?
The Great Premise of a good many stories is the burning question, “What if?”In this week’s tale, I once again dip into that endless well of 1960’s American television to pluck a well-known family for your personal entertainment
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Executive Producer of this “Play on 100 words” is Cuzin’ Pearl Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Well Granny, what do you think of our new summer home in the Swiss Alps?”
“Hmpf, we’re hill people, Jed, not mountain goats. You need one leg longer than the other or you’d fall down just going to the mailbox. Then there’s that crazy woman down the hill hollerin’ ‘Yo-da-la-ee-hoo’ all day long.”
“That’s called yodeling, Granny. It’s how Swiss girls try to attract a man.”
“Who’s she trying to catch, Tarzan of the Jungle? I know why they call her Heidi. You could hide a truck behind that girl.”
“Be nice, Granny. Lately, the yodeling has become a mix of giggles and hiccups.”
“Maybe some rheumatiz medicine accidently leaked into her water supply.”
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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Granny sounds like a lovely woman.
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Well, it’s quite a culture shock to move from the Ozarks to Beverly Hills, then onto the Swiss Alps. Thank God, she took her rheumatiz medicine with her.
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accidently eh? 🙂 im sure granny had nothing to do with it ^^ loved this, every line’s hilarious.
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What’s so funny? Your story. You did this so well. I’m still smiling.
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Then you must have tried yodeling while drinking moonshine. It makes it hard to wipe the smile off your face. 🙂
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LOL Until I go rolling down the mountain.
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hee hee, I was chuckling all the way through 🙂
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Naturally, when I think of the Beverly Hillbillies, my mind goes to the Jane Hathaway character played by the iconic Nancy Kulp. Even at the tender age of six, I knew she was not the garden variety spinster, probably because I could sniff the scent of lavender.
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Whoever picked the cast for that show did a great job, especially with Miss Jane and Milburn Drysdale. You must have turned six during the reruns several years later.
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Very funny hiccup, Russell, yoooooooooooooooooooou sooooooooooooooooo clever!
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Very clever, Russell–a couple more of your episodes on the Fictioneers and you’ll have the Tinseltown execs getting the Hillbilly set out of mothballs.
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What’s really funny is that I don’t think Adam knows what you’re talking about. I think he’s thinking it’s Granny Smith as in apples. Incidentally have you seen Ellie Mae lately? She looks worse that the pig-faced characters in the Twilight Zone episode she starred in prior to the Hillbillies. But that means maybe you and me have a shot!
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No, I haven’t seen Donna lately. Too bad she hasn’t aged gracefully like Sophia Loren or Raquel Welch.
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No, not like either one of them. Think of a female Wilford Brimley but older and with too much makeup. GOLL-EE!
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Did you seriously say hide a truck Russell? God bless ya, that was good!
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Yes, but I meant a small truck–not a semi.
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That DOES make a difference.
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It all seems so long ago now… thanks for a comic reminder.
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Gran been up to her old tricks again? Great fun.
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Can I have some of that rheumatiz medicine???
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Let’s pop the cork and pass the jug around.
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A nice one there 🙂
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This is hilarious! Granny is smart, she put her medicine to good use 😀
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Sounds like Granny knows how to liven things up around there!
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Let’s just hope Heidi doesn’t start snoring. That could rattle the tin roof.
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That Granny is pretty sneaky and quite snarky! I love the part about needing a longer leg. I think you might feel quite lopsided walking on a hillside all the time! Really funny, as always.
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Cheeky and clever, Russel. I love a snarky woman! Heidi… loved that punch line!
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Dear Jed,
Me and Jethrine is thinking it’s time for a visit. Them Swiss Alps sound mighty invitin’. Maybe you can convince that Heidi girl to marry my boy. What girl can resist a brain surgeon? Always enjoy your stories. See ya soon.
Love,
Cuzin Pearl
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He’s also a double-naught spy–and they both love food. It could be a good match.
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That’s one way to stop yodeling.. actually where can I get a supply of that medicine?
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Ahh, yes, I remember that show with great fondness and much hilarity. Good one, Russ. Are you coming to OWL in a few weeks? If so, I’ll see you there again.
janet
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Hahahaha! I could actually HEAR those Clampetts in that dialogue. According to Dr. Will Miller, it’s the most dysfunctional family on TV … Jed is withdrawn, Granny has a substance abuse problem, Elly May likes her critters more than getting a man and Jethro is … well, PSYCHOTIC.
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Having grown up on reruns of The Beverly Hillbillies I could hear the entire dialogue in Jed and Granny’s voices and I can’t hep but wonder if the giggling has anything to do with Jethro.
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Go Granny! Another great offering for our edification and delight. You never cease to amaze me Mr. Gayer 😀
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Lovely take on the prompt. I’m not that familiar with the inspiration, but it still works.
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“Who’s she trying to catch, Tarzan of the Jungle? I know why they call her Heidi. You could hide a truck behind that girl.” Ha!ha!Though I have not had the privilege of watching this tv serial but the characters seem totally hilarious. 😀
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Jethro was such a hunk.
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