What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
It’s Break Time!
I love the way news people sensationalize every little tidbit that comes across their desk. They work hard to convince us the new middle-school Assistant Principal’s hangnail is a catastrophe of epic proportions. The school Superintendent has issued a lock-down, a SWAT Team is on the way, and the on-the-scene reporter is interviewing everyone from the lunch lady to the flag pole. If you don’t believe me just read this report – Alarmist Weather at 6:00.
Well, I’m not going to try and scare you any worse than you already are. I’ll save that for when I post the rough drafts of my upcoming book cover. That post will come out Sunday evening or Monday morning. Be forewarned, each option has a picture of me on the cover so be sure to take your medication before scrolling down the page.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the terminally beautiful news anchor who will escort you through the maze of “Late Breaking” and “This just in” stories is the vivacious Esmeralda Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
NORTH POLE – For centuries toy factory workers at the North Pole have been laboring in abominable conditions. In December 2013 AFL-CIO officials visited the plant and by a vote of 472 to 5 (with 2 abstaining) the workers voted to unionize.
Through collective bargaining, the union convinced their employer, Kristopher J. Kringle, to move production to a warmer climate. The terms of the agreement allowed the union to select the location as long as it was in a secluded, mountainous area.
There was one other demand.
Employees at the new Colorado facility must be given smoke breaks every two hours.
34 Comments on “It’s Break Time!”
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What's So Funny? 
That was a really good one, Russell. Great job.
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This explains the ash on my daughter’s doll’s house. A typically unique take.
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Russell, GOOD JOB! Funny, you are so very clever. I enjoyed the humor in this so much, maybe someone from the union needs to pay a visit to the North Pole – who knows they may need something else too! LOVE IT! Nan
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Dear Kris,
Well that explains why those elves are so short. All that smoking stunted their growth. Careful though, with the shift in weather patterns, it’s liable to be a balmy 85 at the North Pole and 6 below in Colorado. So let the little munchkins freeze their noogies off on those breaks.
Shalom,
Esmeralda
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What are we smoking, Russell? . . . in Colorado?
… (For those who do not live in the USA, the State of Colorado just passed a law allowing smoking of marijuana.)
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No matter what the little devils are smoking, the toys are going to smell like smoke, so don’t inhale while opening.
janet
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Don’t inhale? You sound like Bill Clinton.
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Bite your tongue, Russ. Hard!
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lol 🙂 i also saw toy factory and elves in this photo… great minds 🙂 great story.
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smoke breaks in colorado help weed out the troubles
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Exactly, Bill. And it keeps the workers in a happy mood too.
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Fun take on the photo…
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This is just too cute. All these years they were getting cookies instead of cigarettes. Haha! Congratulation on your publication.
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Are they hiring?
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Yes, but you have to bring your own munchies. Homemade brownies are also a big hit with this group.
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Santa must be spitting chips! It’s not as if Mrs Clause doesn’t provide the elves with sufficient snacks and eggnog, why would they want smokes? I’m sure these unionists are working for the tobacco industry and are getting a kickback. Esmerelda needs to do a full exposé on this.
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They’re smoking more than just tobacco in Colorado these days. No wonder so many businesses are moving there 🙂
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Trust a Union to do the very best for their members. 😉 Nice one Russell.
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Yes, their health care plan includes prescription marijuana too.
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Now I know why my battery-operated martini mixer has a high-powered food-processor blade instead of a slow-motion stirrer. What say we all help with sleigh-packing this year–
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I never trusted that bearded man… Elfs in Colorado, yeah I have seen them.
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Colorado, huh? Leave it to you to pick up on that hot topic, darling!
I’m not writing this week, but I’d love it if you’d drop by my blog for a second anyway, I posted a big announcement today
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It’s not just hot . . . it’s smokin’
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I think I will just post a 🙂 and let it go at that!
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Terrific punch line; I love it! And thanks for the plug; I never thought you would do it for less than $1500. What a pal!
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it was an end-of-the-month special. It’ll only cost you $1,395
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Love it Russell! I have to wonder what sort of creative toys we’d have next Christmas. Or, maybe they would be few and far between with a huge decline in the average elf motivation!
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Well I’m glad Kristopher J. Kringle finally got called out on his shameless exploitations of child labor (elves . . . yeah you just keep telling yourself that, Kristopher! And now we know what’s in his pipe too and why he’s so pudgy . . .
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Must good for their elf esteem.
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Witty and creative, Russell. This was so original and fun!
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Fair enough and delivery dates are less likely to be missed.
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I love out of season Christmas stories, Russell, and this is no exception. I have this feeling Kris will need to change his outfit a bit in the new location!
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Elves unionizing will be the end of Christmas!
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I hope we don’t see any elf strikes on December 24. Kris will move shop to China or somewhere. Hopefully they will be content with the smoke breaks.
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