What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Affordable Lamp Care
As a general rule, I stay away from political topics. It’s too easy. But many of America’s great humorists including Will Rogers, Mark Twain, and others made a handsome living reporting the steady stream of insanity coming out of Washington. Who am I to argue with that formula for success?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Speaker of the House of Bloggers is the honorable Denise “Roach” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Millicent had some health issues. Mrs. Kudzu at the second-hand store tried to get Millicent covered under the store’s insurance, but the agent just shook his head and said, “Sorry, too many pre-existing conditions.”
Unable to afford care, her health continued to decline. No one seemed interested in her. She was pushed aside. Alone, with no hope for the future.
Then President Aladdin rolled out the Affordable Lamp Care program. Now Millicent, and millions like her, could have their wiring repaired, plug-ins replaced, and sockets stabilized.
Millicent smiled. Under the President’s program, she could even keep her current lamp shade.
43 Comments on “Affordable Lamp Care”
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What's So Funny? 
Many can now get electric shock thanks to the presidents program.
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And some can get turned on too. 🙂
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Oh I really enjoyed this story.
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And look whose head the lampshade is on this week! President Aladdin? The Affordable Lamp Care program? I don’t want my lamp to have better health insurance than I do! If Millicent needs an extension cord transplant, out she goes!
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Ouch, you’re cruel, Perry Block. What’s next, block the bridge between Havertown and Philadelphia?
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My favorite lamp is showing signs of death, Russell. I have to look into this Affordable Lamp Care program.
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Good for you. Let’s hope you can get her signed up before its too late.
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My dear departed Mama would say, “He’s gone from the sublime to the cor blimey”
I say, his imagination has gone into warp drive and he’s produced another stellar piece 😀
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I’m not sure what “cor blimey” is, but it sounds serious. I hope it’s covered under this new program.
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LOL it’s probably not covered, but it means “well blow me down,” or “well if that ain’t marvellous, I’ll eat my hat.”
or something similar. It’s Cockney.
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If the picture above is true to life, there are a lot of lamps in the waiting room hoping to take advantage of benefits under the Affordable Lamp Care program. At first glance, It looks like there’s been a plague of disappearing bulbs.
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Yes, but that’s the least of their worries.
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Very topical, very droll. 🙂
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Russell Witty Gayer – you amaze and entertain us all. How clever you are! Thanks for the fun!
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I thought I saw one of your lamps in there, Nan. Maybe now, you can get that new yellow, bug repellant bulb you’ve always wanted.
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Dear Dr. Al,
I’d say Millicent was wired. Perhaps she should go into electrical rehab? Once more you’ve exposed the inner workings of the political mother board and given us an outlet. (If this makes any sense to you I’m worried.) Made me smile.
BTW, the good old high school nickname was a bit of a double entendre. I’m sure I don’t need to spell it out for you. 😉
Shalom,
Roach
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Dear Roach,
Is this your blacklight that needs Rehab? That’s an excellent idea. I think the plan only covers 90 in such a facility, but you can visit as often as you’d like. It’ll be just like old times. – Dr. Al
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Very amusing story, I enjoyed it! I was a bit worried when you spoke of a political theme, but fortunately I’ve heard of the health care wranglings in the US at the moment so I got that as well 🙂
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I know that’s what he said, but I’m afraid she’s in for a shock. Other than that, no comment. 🙂
janet
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I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding about keeping your shade. How do you think she would look in a 60s style pleated shade with an aged (yellow) cellophane wrapper?
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Very RIGHT-ON. Love it! … Wonder what her new lamp shade will look like? Bet it will not cover what her current lamp shade covers, ha.
Mike (Nan’s husband)
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You can keep your current lampshade… except when you can’t… which happens to be most of the time if you read the fine print.
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Well, there are some glitches to work through.
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But, how much will the light bulbs be???
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🙂 funny and witty as always!
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Hi Russell,
The president’s program was well intended, but unfortunately Milllicent died while trying to get on to the website, because the internet was blocked by a bunch of silly writers posting short pieces. Nice of you to promote Helena’s book. Ron
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Shall we hold a wake? We could all sit around in the dark and tell stories about how Millicent could “light up a room.”
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Russell, thank you for shedding some much needed light on president Aladdin’s affordable lamp care program. There hasn’t been this much shedding since the first lady cut her bangs!
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Russell- This was very clever. The ALCP is tricky business. Hope Millicent can navigate the sign up and afford the wattage.
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So no shady business any longer for Millicent
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So witty, Russell! I know Millicent will thrive with a new lamp shade.
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How cute. Will Rogers and Mark Twain would be proud.
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I’m sure both of them would have plenty to say about the current goings on in Washington.
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I bet they would.
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Shining your light on a political hot potato, I see. A bit shade-y if you ask me….
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Yep, better wear your sunglasses, Erin.
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Lovely illuminated project…Like your idea of political satire…wish we could find more about President Aladdin’s about Affordable Lamp Care program. Thanks for shedding some light on the subject!
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Well, it’s a 2,000 page document and evidently no one wants to take the time to read the whole thing.
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I’ve seen it mentioned as it were…seems though that there are many who have a lot to say without even reading one of those 2000 pages…
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What a funny take on both the picture and politics! The story had a nice flow and I enjoyed reading it.
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Being able to keep your lamp shade really tops this!
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I read her as a person until the end…great!
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Mrs. Kudzu??–ROFL
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