What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Food Triangle
Hi, this is Rachel Crofton. I’ll be filling in for Russell this week. The master of laziness and procrastination has waited until the last minute and still doesn’t know what to get his honey for Valentine’s Day. He considers himself to be a hopeless romantic. At least he’s half right—he’s got the hopeless part down pat.
While he’s cluelessly trying to figure out how to shower Miss Connie with the affection she so rightly deserves for tolerating his antics, I’ll be introducing you to an exciting new 21st Century version of the food pyramid created specifically for busy women in today’s high-stress world.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the nutritional specialist in charge of our weekly diet of 100 word stories is Julia C. Wisoff-Fields, who not only enjoys cooking up stories with wine, sometimes she even mentions it in her prose. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Proper nutrition is more important than ever in today’s fast-paced, high-tech world. That’s why I invented The Food Triangle. This simple, easy-to-follow, program is built upon the Three C’s—Caffeine, Chocolate, and Cocktails.
Cocktails are the most important and, by far, the most nutritious block of The Food Triangle. Bourbon is derived from corn, vodka from potatoes, and if you’re feeling particularly frisky, add chunks of fresh fruit to your grape wine.
Old-school nutritionists may proclaim, “Everything in moderation.” But who are you going to listen to? Those who sit around munching dried figs and baled wheat, or someone who lives in the real world?
It’s your body. If you don’t take care of it, who will?
_______________________________________________
If you’d like to read Rachel’s complete article on “The Food Triangle” visit Female First eMagazine at the link below;
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/books/Russell+Gayer-257426.html
36 Comments on “The Food Triangle”
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What's So Funny? 
Ah,now I understand why my nutrition is so poor-only chocolates and a bit of caffeine won’t do-get me some cocktails -pronto! 😀 A fun read once again Russel-oops,I meant Rachel 😉
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Yes, cocktails are important because they contain much-need vitamins, minerals, and the all-empowering ability to make people more attractive than they really are.
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Ha!ha!
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Maybe Connie should treat Russell’s inner woman to chocolate and flowers and, of course, wine, Rachel.
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I think she should fan him with palm branches and feed him grapes.
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I’m not sure I want this image lingering in my head.
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Hilarious as usual. After the suggested cocktail time, a person probably wouldn’t remember if they’d eaten or not. It would totally kill all hunger pains–and any other pains as well. They would most likely lose “all” feeling.
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Yes, but it returns with a throbbing sensation in the morning.
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I’m sold. Where can I get it?
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Indeed, darling. Thank you for the wise nutritional advice.
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You’re welcome, Helena. Too bad you couldn’t have slid your book cover in this photo. it would have been a nice fit.
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I knew I had that food pyramid thing right! And, by the way, I drink screwdrivers while writing–only for the Vitamin C
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Good for, Jan. Maybe you can write a testimonial as to how this diet has improved your outlook on life.
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Lovely to meet you Rachel, and of course you’re right, but you forgot to mention that both chocolate and coffee are from the vegetable family.
Chocolate = cocoa (a plant), cane sugar (a plant), and milk (a nutritious protein)
coffee = coffee beans (a plant). sugar (see above) and if you have your coffee white, milk or cream (protein).
I think someone has been fiddling with the coffee beans though, because I can drink percolated coffee at midnight and still sleep like a baby.
Tell Russell to get his act together and buy MIss Connie something quick smart. Oh, and a dinner at her favourite restaurant wouldn’t go astray either 😉
Oh, and tell Russell we look forward to his return next week.
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The coffee needs to be the consistancy of mud if you are going to reap maximum health benefits, Lyn. Russell should be back by next week, providing he doesn’t totally screw up Valentine’s Day.
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I’m glad you’ve narrowed down the diet to three categories. This is much easier to maintain.
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You’re right. Trying to remember five groups gives me a headache. Who needs meat and dairy when you can have cocktails (sounds like chicken, doesn’t it?) instead.
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Exactly!
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I’ll buy into all of that but please add a fourth “C.” Or make it a fourth and fifth “C.” Coca-Cola!
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Coke contains caffeine, but I think you need one of those Jolt colas, Perry.
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I’m with Perry on the Coca-Cola addition. Nicely handled!
MG
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I don’t mind getting my five a day inside a wine glass – your new columnist and I could get along here. 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day!
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I thought you were going to add ‘the tail of a cock’ to the recipe. Nice one!
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Is that like the “hair of the dog?”
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This is the best food triangle in awhile. It replaces the 80’s Food Triangle of the basic four groups — fried, salty, sweet and Reunite. Although, Perry’s got the right idea with the Coca-Cola.
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Hi Russell, or your other alter ego, whoever is inhabiting the body today,
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Ron
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I vote for the addition of cake–particularly one with globs of gooey frosting from the grocery store. I know, I know, one should suggest healthy foods, like carrots, but I won’t unless, of course, they’re in a carrot cake–and then they’re aces.
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You sound like our granddaughter, who ask this morning for frosting for breakfast instead of good ole malt o meal.
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No wonder I go crazy when there’s no chocolate in the house. Fun post.
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Russell, you are my new fitness guru!
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Dear Rachel,
Thanksforthenutritionaltipsthisweekcaffeinewhichisbyfarmyfavoritepartofthefoodtrianglecaffeinegetsmegoinggoinggoinginthemorningingwithoutsideeffectslotsofpepanenernergy.
Shalom,
ailuj
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I could work with that triangle.
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I absolutely love your food triangle and am wondering if we can get Michelle O to adapt it.With her endorsement of this concept I would be as healthy as a horse, or at least as big as one. But that won’t matter with enough PSA’s and the right celebrity endorsements, bigger WILL be beautiful!
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Amen to that, Dawn. When people suggest I get in shape, I always remind them that round is a shape.
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Absolutely! 😉
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A food triangle like this is easy to follow… but I think peanuts are needed with cocktails…
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