What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Mount Acne
I hurt my heel last weekend and have been limping around like a one-legged boss at a butt kickin’ contest. My co-workers have enjoyed mocking me by dragging one leg as they hobble down the hall toward the break room. When I accepted this position, I had no idea the amount of abuse a plant manager is expected to suffer just to keep the rest of the team happy and entertained.
If you happen to be in Northwest Arkansas this Saturday be sure and swing by the FREE (my favorite four-letter word) conference hosted and sponsored by the NWA Writer’ Workshop. Registration starts around 8am and the event gets underway at 9. Some great speakers are lined up to talk about editing, publishing, and promoting your work. Rumor has it that there will also be a special guest in attendance from the Kansas City area.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the gypsy minstrel in banging the tambourine is Madame CurlylocksWisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Johnny ruled with an iron fist. He was a henpecked husband who couldn’t buy a candy bar without his wife’s approval. When he was promoted to foreman down at the plant he was elated. For the first time in his entire life he had authority. People would have to listen to him—or else.
“Johnny sure has a lot of flat tires,” said Bob, rolling a roofing tack between his finger and thumb.
“Yeah,” said Ryan, “Bad luck seems to follow Mr. High and Mighty.”
“Someday he’ll explode.” Bob smiled. “Like a pimple on the butt-cheek of life.”
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Be sure and tune in to this blog Monday when I will post the amazing secrets of How Wussell Writes!
49 Comments on “Mount Acne”
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Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
I had no idea that hard asses can grow zits. No wonder I’m drawn to your site like a pigeon to pizza for its enlightening factor.
Have fun at the conference. It sounds like it could be a great place to network and shill your upcoming humor tome. Dragging your sore heel could be an attention-getter, too. Some years ago, my sister broke her heel when she fell through the attic into the living room. At least your injury does not require you to wear one of those big boots and use crutches. That would draw attention to you in an even worse way.
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I’ll even pose like a statue (holding a pizza) if it’ll get me some attention. I’m trying to get people to follow me down the hall as we sing, “Walk This Way”
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Sorry to hear about your injured heel. I’m sure your co-workers are counting on your great sense of humor to take their teasing in the right way. I would love to attend that writer’s workshop but I don’t think I can make it from India to there in time.
I hope Johnny’s fellow workers aren’t really violent and the explosion will be his car blowing up. Poor man. It seems power has gone to his head now he has a little. He needs to attend a foreman’s workshop.
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His subordinates aren’t really violent, they’ll just do little things to make his life hell.
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Russell, do you have a special type of water you drink before writing? I can never understand how you manage to think up these little gems week after week. Madame Curlylocks will be delighted 🙂
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Tune in Monday to learn about the water.
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Can’t wait! Hope it’s available here in Oz.
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Hope your heel is better. Don’t they know how dangerous you are with a pen (or keyboard)? Madame Curlylocks–that was a good one, but you always come up with something clever. Is your story biographical? First it was you being picked on by coworkers, and then Johnny turns up…
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Actually, a guy named Johnny once confessed to me that he put roofing tacks under the tires of an oppressive supervisor at least once a month–so that much IS true.
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Popular guy then! Hope your heel is better. Enjoy the workshop.
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Hope your heel heals soon! (I’m sorry, I suck at being funny when it comes to puns). Your last line was pretty graphic and yet so spot-on. I don’t know whether to feel bad for Johnny or make fun of him too!
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Unfortunately, there are a lot of supervisors like Johnny in the world. I feel sad both for him and those who have to work under those conditions.
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Dear Johnny,
It’s those henpecked bosses you have to look out for. They’re the worst. As for your last line…I’m so traumatized I’m going to go bathe myself in Clearasil.
Sorry about your heel. Will you be on crutches then at the conference. .I’ll try not to stare. It’s not nice to make fun of the impaired…nor is it politically correct. Special guest from Kansas City? Wow! Can’t wait.
Shalom,
Mme Curly
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I’m looking forward to meeting your husband and seeing what kind of stories he can share with me about Mdme Curlylocks.
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Thanks for making me smile – and for reminding me of a rather unpleasant teacher I had who also seemed to have a lot of flat tires 🙂
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Yeah, we all know one of those, don’t we?
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Sorry about your heel, just glad you aren’t being one, at least that I know about. Should I check with your wife? Safe travels to the conference and have a great time. “Free” is one of my favorite four-letter words, too, and certainly ranks up in the heavens compared to that other f-word. (I know you’ll probably respond with a number of other f-words, but I’m ready for that.) My favorite b-word, four letters also, is “book.”
janet
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Maybe you should put on a blog contest of favorite four-letter words. I bet we could come up with some good ones. 🙂
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Would have to be G-rated for me!
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LOL Russell! First of all, you need to wear a t-shirt with ” I’m just a pimple on the butt cheek of life” to the writer’s conference and tell them that’s the title of your next book. If that doesn’t get you a book deal nothing will — it probably would to exaggerate the limp as well.
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Thanks for the advice, LInda. Maybe I can just put some whipped cream in a baggie on top of my head and people can take turns “popping” me.
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Thank you for not doing that
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Something tells me his bad luck won’t end at flat tires.
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A pimple on the butt check of life – that would be a great T-shirt. You could wear that and drag around your leg at the conference. You’re bound to turn a few heads!! Good luck at the conference.
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You know, you’re the second person who has suggested that, Amy. I’m going to have to go bathe in Clearasil.
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good for him. obviously, they’re flat tired of mr. high and mighty.
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well said, my friend.
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Hi,
I just found your blog and want to know if you would be interested in providing a guest post on our site, Retirement And Good Living (http://retirementandgoodliving.com).
We currently have many posts in our humor category.
Please send me an email if interested and I will forward additional information.
Thanks,
Simone
simone@retirementandgoodliving.com
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Like a pimple on the butt-cheek of life.– that was poetry, Russell. Hope your heel is better! 🙂
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Very amusing imagery at the end there, linking in with the title! I wonder if he’ll ever link the flat tyres with his management style? 🙂
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Naw, he’s too busy screaming at people and calling them names.
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Mount Acne! Brill. Great story. A real lesson for life.
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The last line is itched in my memory now. Hahaha thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Thanks, Roy. Glad it gave you a smile.
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Hi Russell,
I hope this doesn’t reflect your management style, and that you aren’t hobbling around because you stepped on a roofing tack. Ron
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They usually put them in my chair, Ron. What I really hate, though, is when they tape those “kick me” signs on my back.
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Those zists are the worst… painful indeed… coworkers going to that length to put you in place means you probably have to use other methods for engagement.
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Jonny obviously built the best of relationships on his way to the top.
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It was a union seniority policy. Or, I suppose he could have been a brown-nosing bootlicker.
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Wow, that was a stretch to get to the picture, but it worked. After I wrote about shit last week, you write about butt checks and actually transform the picture into a living butt before our eyes! Here, here! Hope you are feeling better.
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Do “your employees” know/read your blog? If so, fiction as this is, they have been warned!
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If they read, they sure don’t comment.
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Poor Johnny–bugged at home as well as at work–it’s enough to make a man use that iron fist in a non-metaphorical way. Good story, Russell.
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His home life is such that he takes his frustration out on everyone else.
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Russel, this is funny and sad, at the same time. I know you are generally a humor writer, but there really was a sad angle here.
Can’t wait to read the writing post; I’m up next week. 😉
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Yes, it is sad. Hopefully, some bad boss out there will read this, see himself, and change his/her evil ways.
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I think the deeper, sadder part is how out of touch some people can be… I know you were not digging that deep, Russell; it’s one of the things I enjoy in your stories: humor. But that element hit me: how very out of touch he was.
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Well there is a cost for taking your frustrations out on co-workers. Wonder what henpecked husband Johnny does at home to relieve his tensions with his wife? The last line felt personal-woke up with a pimple smack on my nose. Hmmm wonder how I am relating to the bosses?
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