What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Bored Walk
After repeated problems with our internet air card (AT&T MiFi), we decided to part company. It was an amiable divorce, they kept the money and internet access and we get to stare at a blank screen. Connie is going through Facebook withdrawal and my opportunities to post, read, and comment on blogs is limited to what free time I can scrounge up at work during breaks, lunch, before/after normal hours, etc. Therefore, I apologize for not visiting, reading, and commenting on as many of your blogs as I would like. We are engaged to a new provider and hope to tie the knot (no gifts, please) as soon as they are able to come and install the equipment.
Yesterday, I received one of those letters that every registered voter hates—the dreaded Jury Duty summons. Names are supposedly drawn at random, but after speaking with other registered voters (most of whom have never served), I have come to the conclusion that I’m exceptionally good at being random since my name gets drawn at regular intervals. Too bad I don’t have the same luck with Powerball tickets.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Lottery Commissioner in charge of selecting weekly photo prompts is Babette “Bingo” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Born on the day Ernest Tubb died, Claude knew he was destined to become a country star. He had the boots, the cowboy hat, even the sequined-encrusted, powder-blue jump suit. All he lacked was a decent singing voice.
“When Claude Bawls sings,” one music reviewer wrote, “his vocal tones are reminiscent of a coyote who sat down on a steel trap.”
Claude’s entourage included a couple of bleach-blond, trailer-trash bimbos and his cousin, Leroy. Booked to play a Louisiana swamp family reunion, one of the bimbos constructed a sign from an empty beer carton promoting the event as “The Bored Strait Tour.”
41 Comments on “Bored Walk”
I'd love to hear from you
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
lol that reviewer was pretty harsh (but so was Claude’s singing voice, i suppose) 🙂
LikeLike
Yeah, I hope that guy never writes a review of my blog (or my upcoming book). It could get ugly.
LikeLike
You can always be relied on for a laugh, Russell, and you didn’t disappoint this time. And I don’t just mean the 100 word fiction… I do hope your Internet problems are solved very quickly.
LikeLike
I’m glad you liked it. Yes, I hope we get back on line soon too.
LikeLike
Russell, I am sure that Claude’s rendition of “Under the Bored Walk” is priceful.
LikeLike
Yes, I hear it’s sold tens of copies.
LikeLike
Nice the way you slid Claude Bawls in there under the radar. But the joke itself is based on George Strait, right? I don’t really know anything about him, but I think he’s a country singer. I’d rather go see Claude Bawls; I hear he really hops about the stage!
LikeLike
I knew you’d love that name, Perry. It sounds more like a porn star name than a country singer, but either way it looks real impressive on the marquee.
LikeLike
I think the joke on Geo. Straight is a pick-up line where the guy asks the girl if she likes George Straight. If she says yes, he looks down at his jeans and says, “Ya hear that, George?”
LikeLike
Another winner, Russell. I certainly hope you get internet back . I looked up George Strait after reading Perry’s comment. I used to listen to The Grand Old Opry, and especially like Blue Grass, but missed hearing about George Strait. I hadn’t heard about Claude either, but I guess that’s no surprise.
LikeLike
George Strait does western swing (Bob Wills style music) and does it very well. Claude, on the other hand, is a legend in his own mind.
LikeLike
Dear Claude,
Bored Strait…love it! I’m sure I’ve met your bimbos in my grocery store.
Sorry about your internet problems. We have Verizon MiFi and I’ve really enjoyed it. I used it a lot over the weekend in our hotel in Fayetteville. Funny thing, though, my husband couldn’t connect on his iPad. He’s anal about everything being password protected and couldn’t remember his password. He played a lot of solitaire while I kept up with Friday Fictioneers…Bingo!
Shalom,
Babette
LikeLike
My son has Verizon and it works well up on the hill where he lives. We tried it down in the valley and got no reception. the company we’re going with is called DLux Link. Many of our neighbors have it and are satisfied with the signal.
LikeLike
‘his vocal tones are reminiscent of a coyote who sat down on a steel trap.” I laughed so hard thsi, Russell. 🙂
LikeLike
Not quite the same as Howlin’ Wolf (famous blues singer). Glad you got a laugh out it.
LikeLike
Having heard coyotes, Russell, I can imagine how exciting that reunion was, although the music probably didn’t influence it much one way or the other. Thanks for starting my Friday morning wish a laugh and good luck with your new provider.
janet
LikeLike
Actually, the coyotes should better than poor Claude.
LikeLike
The Bored Strait Tour – just loved that.
Russell your humour never fails to make my day better, thank you.
Great take on the prompt
Dee
LikeLike
Aw, what a sweet thing to say. Thank you, Dee.
LikeLike
Born on the day Ernest Tubb died!! Ha! Now that’s a sign if ever there was one! As soon as I’m done with this comment, I’m going straight over to google and find out who died on the day I was born to make sure I didn’t miss my calling.
LikeLike
I think it’s safe to say you did NOT miss your calling, Linda. You’re the funniest blogger west of the Rocky Mountains.
LikeLike
Ah! Thank you! And you are the funniest blogger east of– And when is your book due out?
LikeLike
We were hoping for April Fool’s Day, but I don’t think we’re going to make it. I’ll be posting about it when I have a firm date.
LikeLike
I have the same problem with jury duty. My name seems to “randomly” come up about every 2 or 3 years. Most people I know have never gotten a single one. The last time for me was number six.
LikeLike
The bimbos went by the stage name “The Dolly Sub-Partons”?
LikeLike
Claude Bawls?lol!Excellent name for the “band”-Bimbos can’t cheat,can they? 😉 Now the guests at that reunion know what they are going to get-such honesty! As always you made me laugh Russel-enjoyed this and I hope that the coming nuptials with the new provider is successful-don’t forget to invite us 😀
LikeLike
Hi Russell,
I’m pretty sure I saw Clod and his band over at the Cherokee Casino. Half the people there were asleep and the other half were feeding the slots. You may not have to serve on jury doody. I received one of those notices a year or two back, mailed it in and never heard another word. I was heartbroken. ron
LikeLike
If they call me, I’ll tell them you’re willing, able, and ready to serve as surrogate juror on my behalf.
LikeLike
That reunion might be a short one. I wouldn’t like to be the swamp guy or gal who booked the entertainment
LikeLike
After a few beers, it will sound like a whole pack of coyotes at this party.
LikeLike
I think with that voice he would do better playing trash-metal… but I guess that will involve bimbos with hair dyed black…
LikeLike
Can’t have that, Bjorn. This is the south. Only bleach-blond Bimbos will do in our neck of the woods.
LikeLike
Babette Bingo, you’re too much, Russell. Did he find the powder-blue jumpsuit at Goodwill?
LikeLike
Yes, and it’s double-knit too. I was ready to buy it, but Claude beat me to it.
LikeLike
Oh, man. So close! I’ll keep an eye out at the thrift store, maybe we can find you one yet.
LikeLike
Love this. Great piece of Americana.
LikeLike
Enough beer his singing improves and the bimbos innocence revealed.
LikeLike
Beer will help the audience too.
LikeLike
Hey Russell. When did Goshen upgraded to the two tin cans and a string? I’m impressed. Mike (Nan’s husband).
LikeLike
Didn’t Claude write that book called, “Don’t Mess With The Wildcat”? I had no idea he was a country singer (although, we’re still wondering from which country, I’m sure). Hilarious take. I laughed out loud. Still am.
Sorry I couldn’t make it down to Fayetteville, man. But, we’ll hook up again, though.
LikeLike
Wow’ this is only 3 for me
LikeLike