What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
If You Can’t Stand the Heat . . .
On Tuesday I fulfilled my civic duty by serving on a jury in a civil trial. One party was suing another over medical expenses related to a vehicle accident. I was hoping go get some good writing material from this experience for a future story. Unfortunately, they kept repeating boring stuff like facts and details (which they referred to as evidence), while we jurors were forced to employ match sticks to keep our eyelids from slamming shut.
I did meet some interesting people and shamelessly promoted “The Perils of Heavy Thinking” to the rest of the jury. They looked at me like I was from another planet and rolled their eyes. But when the time came to elect a foreman, I was the only nominee. I found out later this was an act of self-preservation as unhappy litigants often kill the foreman first.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Hanging Judge who hates dangling participles is Chief Justice Bobbi Jo Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Jake’s mother constantly warned him about the dangers of fire. She refused to let him go camping with other boys his age.
“Nothing good can come of it,” she said. “Those boys will poke you with a stick while sitting around a campfire.”
She really threw a hissy-fit when a neighbor girl invited him over to make Rice Krispy treats. “Of course she says you’re sweet and that she loves you,” said Mom. “She just wants your body.”
Tired of her overprotective ways, Jake Stay Puft attended a wedding reception. Unfortunately, Mom failed to warn him about fondue pots.
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For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man here’s a picture.
40 Comments on “If You Can’t Stand the Heat . . .”
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What's So Funny? 
Funnn-eeey!! Had me fooled all the way, didn’t know where you were going. And now I want to eat marshmallows, especially the kind covered in dark chocolate! Please send Jake around.
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You look like one of those guys who would poke him with a stick and hold him over an open flame.
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I can see the headlines now — “J.S. Puft Breaks His Silence” Ah, the life of a Ghostbuster. The fondue pots line was hysterical! Really a fun one today, Russell!
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Well, at least he didn’t break wind. That would be puffy little clouds of powdered sugar, right?
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I’ll never eat cake again … or sugar cookies! 😀
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Dear Big Jake,
Suddenly I have a taste for s’mores. Nothing was better over a campfire than a charred marshmallow between two graham crackers and melted Hershey bars. YUM! Oh I’m sorry, I hope that didn’t upset you. But then for all the giggles you caused it’s only fair. 😉
Shalom,
CJ Bobbi Jo
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Ouch, I’m getting sympathy pains just thinking about it.
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Hah! Mama knows best in this case for sure. Caught me off guard. Perfectly done.
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Yep, Mama knows best.
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Two wonderful stories in one — before the photo and after it. I wonder if Rochelle looks looks forward to your introduction as much as I do each week 😀
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I think Chief Justice Bobbi Jo was pleased with her name this week.
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Russell, Hilarious again. XD I didn’t catch on until the last lines. Great story. XD Of course I suppose I should feel sorry about poor Jake. Sorry Jake. 😥
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Well, like the title says, “If you can’t take the heat . . .”
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Best Mother’s Day tale yet! Good parenting.
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Jake is like most teenagers–he never listens.
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I also did not catch on until the last lines. Wonderful story. Great use of humour. Loved it!
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Excellent! 🙂 I’ll be happy to get together with Rochelle for some roasted marshmallows, however, I never did like s’mores. Just give me a crispy-on-the-outside, gooey-on-the-inside blackened marshmallow and I can die happy.
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Poor Jake. Oh well, I guess he fulfilled his life’s mission.
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As always, you started my day off with a laugh. Your jury story tickled my funny bone too. See you soon.
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Thanks, Velda. I’m glad you got a kick out of it.
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To be stuck in fondue is no laughing matter… Say cheese 😉 .. I cannot get the pictures from Asterix in Switzerland out of my head. A roman Fondue-orgy can be quite messy.
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That sounds like it could get hot and sticky in more ways than one.
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I didn’t catch it till I read it again, then laughed out loud, hee hee 🙂
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You pulled me in with a picture of stay puft and then you delivered a great story. Thank you
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I only knew that character from Ghostbusters. If I ever knew its name it went in the direction of all the algebra I failed to retain. Lucky for me that I read you for the vast educational component.
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That was his only major movie role (to date). Next week we’ll tackle geometry.
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Thanks for the reminder to cut class.
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The only possible comment is, “I can’t wait ’til you write s’more about this.”
janet
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Groan 🙂
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This is terribly funny. You had me with “those boys will poke you with a stick.” Had no idea where it was headed. Thanks for a light-hearted story.
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Glad you enjoyed it, Alicia. Everybody wants to poke marshmallow boy with a stick 🙂
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Russel, this is a favorite; I truly laughed out lout! All the clever puns and wit; it’s brilliant! “She just likes you for your body,” man… I know how he feels! bahahah! 😉
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Thank you, Dawn. I’m glad you got a chuckle out of it.
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Belly laugh, my friend. 😉
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A toast to Jake Stay Puft and his fond aunt.
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Cheers to Jake, or what’s left of him.
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Ha ha! So funny! I want some marshmallows now. And I want to roast them over a campfire. I’m glad you survived your jury duty!
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Lol..very funny. The poor mom of Stay Puft Marshmallow Boy and what she had to contend with.
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o.O I may never be able to eat S’mores again. Not that I was ever all that good at it to begin with.
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Oh, rats, are my participles dangling again? I feel so exposed. Poor Jake, I would like to have met him. We could have enjoyed hot chocolate together.
Yay for surviving court!
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