What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Peckerwood Road
This weekend, the Fayetteville High Class of 1974 will hold a reunion that in no shape or form will remotely resemble the parties we attended 40 years ago to celebrate graduation from that renowned institute of lower learning. The smart kids went on to college , determined to make something of themselves, while the rest of us wandered aimlessly like a herd of goats who couldn’t decide whether to shit or go blind.
Our graduating class featured the usual caste system. Social standing was determined by which group (i.e. clique) had accepted you as a member. There were Jocks, Suzies, Nerds, Goat Ropers, and of course, Hippies. My group, the Ne’er-Do-Wells, was a subset of the Hippie caste and ranked barely ahead of whale dung on the social ladder of life. We had adopted the Alfred E. Newman motto, “What? Me worry?” It has served me well.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the person who worries and frets over which photo to post each week is Professor Blanche DuBois Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Wendell, I’m not happy.” Elsie shifted her cud from one side to the other and stared across the highway.
“What? Elsie, you’re knee deep in clover, have a spring-fed pool to drink from, and plenty of huge oak trees to provide shade all summer. You should be the most contented heifer on Peckerwood Road.”
“I know, but I can’t help but wonder what’s beyond this fence. What it must be like to wade through tall grass in other pastures.”
“Well, you know what Old MacDonald says,” Wendell swished a fly with his tail. “The grass may look greener, but it’ll still give you diarrhea.”
61 Comments on “Peckerwood Road”
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What's So Funny? 
MOOOOOOO!
That last line had me in stitches. Off to chew my cud now.
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Glad yu enjoyed it, Helena.
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…and that’s how it goes on Peckerwood Road. You cracked me up with this one!
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Yeah, I almost called it Peckerhead Road 🙂
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That was very funny! I like their names, the ideas in your story and your story itself! Nice to have a heifer’s point of view.
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some girls are just never happy.
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Yet another laugh out loud finish, great job 😉
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I’m strong to the finish cause I eats me spinach . . . .
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You and El are neck and neck with the humor. Gotta love it!
What, me? Worry?
Good laugh this week, Russell.
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I bet you said that a lot when you were a teenager, Kent.
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Barrump-BUMP! psssh! But I gotta tell ya, folks …
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Wendell and Elsie…what a lovely couple. I think Elsie should stay where she is and be content. The grass doesn’t look all that green to me, in fact, it looks positively unappetising — probably full of nettles that will give her the bellyache, and that’s no bull 🙂
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People look at cows and assume they’re content. Who knows? They may be wanting to ride a Ferris wheel.
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Exactly! We should do away with cow stereotypes! This story actually made me laugh out loud, and I don’t do that often so thank you!
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LOL. There is no way I’m standing anywhere near a ferris wheel that has cows sitting in one of the carriages 😮
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That’s what they say. Good story.
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at least she’s getting plenty of fiber.
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It’s the touches of detail that make your stories – Peckerwood already had me laughing before Elsie and Wendell even came into view.
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Don’t you just love the way Peckerwood rolls off the tongue?
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Russell, Another hilarious story. XD You wouldn’t think by the looks of them that cows had discussions like that, but I’ll take your word for it. I guess Elsie’s going to have to be content to roam in that same pasture as I can’t see her climbing any fences to relocate. Your introduction was as hilarious as the story. I always love your intros. XD —Susan
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Thanks, Susan. The intros are a place where I can share a little personal information so the reader will know what kind of kook their dealing with.
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Russell, You make us laugh so much and I look forward every week to seeing the humorous side of whatever you write about. You are the crown on the funny bone of life! Love it Russell! Love it!! Nan 🙂
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Awww . . . I’ll give you 30 minutes to quit saying stuff like that, Nan 🙂
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Dear Alfred E.
I know it will shock you but Mad Magazine was one of the strongest influences during my formative years. What? Me worry?
Elsie has much to be contented about, she should listen to Old MacDonald…EIEIO
It’s always fun to come here for my weekly portion of laughter.
Class of 1974? Ack. You’re just a child. I was part of hippie faction at my school. 😉 Also hard to believe, right?
I’ll soon be choosing a restaurant in Joplin. The day is closing in on us. Once graduation season is over, hopefully the icing will clear and I’ll be able to think. Aftah awl tomorra is anothah day. STELLLLLLAAAAAAA!!!!!
Shalom y’all,
Blanche
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I may be big on the outside, but I’m definitely a little boy at heart. Yep, less than a month till the Joplin trip. Looking forward to it very much.
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E-I-E-I-O, assuming I’ve spelt this correctly. Great take on the old adage. Munch munch.
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Fab punchline! Had me laughing out loud – thank you 🙂
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Spot on investigative reporting of what cows have to say to each other before they come home, Russell. I think this tale deserves the Gary Larsen seal of approval, but all I can give you is mooing from Manhattan since my colleague stepped out of the office for the usual reasons: coffee and to lament the downward spiral of her life.
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You caught me. Evidently, we both have the same taste in fine literature–Far Side Cartoons. Yes, I got the concept for this little piece from Gary Larson. Even the bull’s name, Wendell, came from the cartoon.
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And here I thought he said e I e I o all these years. Fun stuff as usual, dear Wendell.
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I love the humor you bring each week, Russell, while still writing a clever, well-written story. Hope you enjoy your reunion… clearly you didn’t go blind; you can proudly call yourself a writer. 😉
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Thank you, Dawn. I’ve been called worse things.
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I doubt that. 😉
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Mad magazine made me to the one I am today… had to say today’s offering made me smile happily.. But I guess I would get diarrhea from eating grass too..
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Unless you were in Colorado and it was baked in brownies.
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Ha ha! I bet this is a dilemma. I mean how could you not cross the fence? Very funny. I’m never eating grass again.
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Thanks for the ginormous smile you put on my face. Loved this.
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I bet you have a pretty smile too. 🙂
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You be the sweet talker. Thanks.
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I forgot what a young kid you are, class of 1974. I was class of …. well, let’s just say you could get in trouble for coming to school with long hair and no one wore jeans to school. I’m pretty sure I was a goat roper unless I am misunderstanding the term. I definitely spent a lot of time on Peckerwood Road. Gee, still do for that matter. Funny stuff as always, dude!
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No need to confess your age, Perry. But I am curious, what was the world like before dirt was invented?
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As usual, your story is totally a kick. Every detail perfect in the behind the fence musings. And I remember Shari Lewis – nice Jewish girl both hilarious and adorable – and as loveable as Lambchop, surely the most beloved puppet of all time.
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Thanks for stopping by. I loved Shari and Lambchop too.
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Loved it! Made me laugh out loud.
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Good. Glad this one hit the laugh meter.
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Great story, Russell. Outstanding last line, lol, lol, lol.
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Thanks, Mike.
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You milked that one for all you could get, Russell. I was laughing until the last line as cow diarrhea is nothing to laugh at and very messy! A moo-velous story.
janet
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Messy is correct. My Dad milked cows for Kraft (it went to the cheese plant in Bentonville). When they’d raise their tail in the barn, he would try to catch their poop in a scoop shovel before it hit the floor. You had to be fast 🙂
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This is one of your best, but then how could we not love Peckerwood Road.
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Thanks, Dawn. Glad you enjoyed the trip down Peckerwood Rd.
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Haha…I am so immature that made me laugh.
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Ah ha ha..words of bovine wisdom…apart from the grass they must also avoid weeds 😉
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Yep. Elsie doesn’t know how good she has it.
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Some cows are never happy. I think Elsie needs to count her blessings. After all, who really wants to eat all that fresh green grass with its consequences! Very funny.
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Dear Russell,
I was a member of the dumb-ass clique. No one knew they were a member. We all thought we were in one of the others. Wasn’t until later I realized the truth.
Good story. Funny coincidence….our high school was named after Harvey Peckerwood. Guy got around.
Aloha,
Doug
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That’s too bad. Y’all could’ve built a nice float for the homecoming parade. The Peckerwood Dumb-Ass Club sounds like an organization that would have made a guy like me feel at home.
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Nailed It!
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Indeed, indeed…very good!
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These down-on-the-farm posts are too funny. Watch where you step.
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Those high school group names are so true… There were also the smokers back then… and don’t forget the bandies.
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