What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Eerie Root Canal
Sunday is Father’s Day and I sure miss mine. My favorite quote about Fathers is from Mark Twain. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
Both my children are now in their early thirties and still waiting for their old man to gain some wisdom. Hopefully, I’ll get a little smarter before it’s time for them to make that coin-toss decision on whether to send me to a nursing home or insane asylum.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the person who inspires us with her wit and wisdom every week is The Kansas City Sage, Margaret Twain Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“You really shouldn’t wait so long between cleanings.” Debra’s tone was stern. “It makes this job harder for both of us.”
Mack slumped in the chair. He hated these damn lectures.
“Turn this way and open wide.”
He closed his eyes and blindly obeyed. Vibrations from the jackhammer shook his entire body. She flushed his mouth with water, vacuumed the chunks of fibula, and repeated the procedure over and over again.
“Try flossing—like I asked you to.”
Tears streamed down his cheeks as Debra whisked the thick cord back and forth between his teeth.
“A Great White with a pretty smile,” she said, admiring her handiwork.
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*disclaimer – this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between the dental hygenist in this story and Debra at Dr. Grace’s office is purely coincidental.
59 Comments on “Eerie Root Canal”
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What's So Funny? 
Russell, Have a Happy Father’s Day! That was great! I wondered about the flossing with the “cord.” I now have this picture of a Great White flossing his teeth that’s going to stick with me for a while. 😀 —Susan
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I’m glad you got it, Susan. I threw the fibula in at the last minute to try and make it clear that Mack was a shark.
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Ingenious.
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Here we go again … I have a dental appointment in a few minutes. Your timing, once again, is impeccable.
I’m glad you said the reference, since I would have had to think and research on Mack The Knife (which I knew anyway — took me awhile).
Again, another gem of a story. Keep ’em coming, Russell!
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Funny how that happens. Be a good boy and sit still. Maybe it won’t hurt too bad.
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That’s what she … never mind.
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Love that Mark Twain quote!
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Thanks, Dan. I appreciate you reading and leaving a comment.
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A very creative story! Happy Father’s Day. I hope you find a better option than the two you mentioned 😦
Best wishes, Zainab
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Me too 🙂
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It does, indeed, feel like a jackhammer and a thick cord at times. But I’m sure Debra at Dr. Grace’s office won’t try to get even when you go for your next appointment —– or will she?
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Even though I given her the blog address, she never stops by to read. Of course, there’s always a first time . . . .
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That’s quite a shark tale about the som (grandson?) of Jaws, Russell. I would not want to be in the line of fire of that cleaning. I hope Debra was wearing the latest in haz-mat fashion.
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Mack knows better than to act up. Debra’s bite is worse than her bark. She’d make a sharkskin coat and boots out of him in a heartbeat if he doesn’t behave.
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The disclaimer is what got me.
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I just had to throw that in there to set the record straight.
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Something about this seems a little fishy to me.
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Hmm . . . me too.
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Reblogged this on Nancy Hartney and commented:
There’s truth in that statement.
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Aw, thanks Nancy!
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Russell, this is a delight1 You don’t know how many of our patients actually referred to the hygienists as sharks – using cord and jack hammers. This was a whale of a good story. Happy Father’s Day.
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I think you have to have a little bit of shark in you to want to do that job.
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Terrific job! Funny double entendre (maybe triple) title, total surprise at end, and cute disclaimer. On the order of the stuff in your book, which everyone should buy and read already! It’s eerie how good this is ….
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Well, you know what the say about a shark (fish) out of water . . . .
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Dear Russell, This is a really great story – something you can sink your teeth in to. Your humor is so clever! I love your story! You, Russell, MAKE A ME LAUGH A ! Nan 🙂
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Aw, thank you Nan
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I love the disclaimer too – Your dental hygienist is now FAMOUS! or Infamous? Nan 🙂
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Yeah, I wonder how she feels about that?
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Dear Mack,
Now Bobby Darin’s voice singing about you is ringing in my ears as is the jackhammer. Now I’m really putting off that dental appointment.
I miss my dad, too. I’ve always loved the Twain quote. How true it is.
In less that two weeks we can discuss this silliness in person. 😉
Shalom,
Margaret
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I’m looking forward to it.
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Dear Russell,
I was cruising along quite nicely until I read the word ‘fibula’ and burst out laughing and I still am chilling. A perfect description of how it feels to be under the ‘knife’ of the hard hearted hygienists. Excellent work.
Now spit.
Aloha,
Doug
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Dear Russell,
I read this again and see it entirely differently. Brilliant that it can be read and understood at least two different ways. I am in awe.
Aloha,
Doug
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Don’t be in awe. That was strictly by accident.
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Jackhammer and Chords.. yeah I guess its quite proportionate !
… and I would have opted for the asylum any-day! 😀
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Dentists make you cry to give the perfect smile.. Hope your dentist reads it =D
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I wish he would too, but I’m not holding my breath – or saying “Ah”
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Clever work! Loved the introduction of fibula. What is it about hygienists… I swear I expect to find my teeth laid out on my chest by the time they’ve finished gouging, picking and sawing.
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A Great White? That’s hardly kind – or is it fact? You left me wondering, which is good.
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Yep, Mack is a Great White Shark.
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If Mack’s a great white, I’m scared to think what that makes Debra …. and those darn bits of fibula – the bane of any great white!
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She’s a shark charmer. 🙂
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I wonder if Mark’s a loan shark…:-)
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Could be. Instead of breaking legs, he bites them off.
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It would be pretty good as way of enforcing.
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That disclaimer didn’t sound very convincing to me. I think you may be in for it next time around!
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You could be right, Patti.
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Ingenious as always. English not being my mother tongue, I had to re-read to tie in the tools with who Mack really is. Debra the Orca dentist was scarier than poor Mack! 🙂
Greetings from Greece!
Maria (MM Jaye)
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When it comes to dental health, she’s a no nonsense kind of girl.
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Happy Father’s Day, Russell. I enjoyed the quote. I’m sure you have all sorts of wisdom for your sons. I got it that he was a shark! Very funny. Yikes, a jackhammer. Poor thing. He could always use seaweed to floss I suppose. 🙂
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Thanks, Amy. I don’t know if seaweed is covered under his dental plan.
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First off… I don’t think they will need to flip a coin… just look at that title! But then, I guess they are used to it by now.
Clever story, I didn’t know you knew Bobby Darin.
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Yeah, I guess it’s a no-brainer. Me and Bobby go way back.
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Man, did I feel stupid for a few minutes… trying to figure out how to politely tell you that the fibula is not in the mouth! Duh. It took me longer than the average reader, I think, to figure out the the shark bit. Of course, with you, I should have known better! 🙂 Much funnier the second read… I love that it read well both times.
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I sprinkled clues throughout, but it was a little tricky communicating that Mack was a shark without just coming out and saying so. Don’t feel bad. You weren’t the only one who had trouble picking up on his identity.
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I tend to be a bit slow on some of these…but with you, I should really know better by now!
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Yep, you’ve been here enough times to know — And THANK YOU! for continuning to return 🙂
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Awesome takeoff! With a jackhammer, I knew this was no ordinary patient. Loved it!
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You really had me the ‘fibula.’ I was thinking, man, she’s really digging deep. I’m a little (ok a lot) slow today because even the “Mack” didn’t switch on the lightbulb. Now I’m not going to be able to get that song out of my head all day. Another twisted and beautifully humourous (or should that be humerus) tale, my friend 😀
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