What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Lucy in the Sky
We don’t watch a lot of reality TV, but one show we have watched a few times is “Naked and Afraid.” This is where they dump two strangers, a man and woman, in a tropical jungle or Louisiana swamp for twenty-one days. To survive, they must find their own food and water, and figure out which leaves to wipe on that aren’t poison ivy.
I suggest they up the stakes and force these poor nudists to go on a twenty-one day public speaking tour in manufacturing plants across the U.S. For three weeks, they get to explain to angry factory workers why their jobs are being outsourced to China, Mexico, and the District of Columbia. The only food available is the out-of-date sandwiches from The Carousel of Death (break room vending machine).
If they make it out alive, they win a free wrist watch and a lifetime supply of Jenny Craig pre-packaged meals. What a deal! I suspect many of my fellow writers will be signing up in droves. You can’t buy this kind of exposure at any price.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, your flight attendant our weekly cruise around the Imaginary Skies is Blue Angel (Flaps Down) Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for a complete list of safety instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Lucy had flown enough to recognize normal turbulence. She stared out the window and whispered a prayer. The two-caret stone on her wedding band felt as cold as the relationship she’d left behind.
The airplane rocked from side to side and dipped erratically. Flight attendants stumbled down the aisle, their forced smiles masking the anxiety roiling in their stomachs like volcanos about to erupt.
A voice came over the intercom, but the words were slurred and undecipherable.
“What did he say?” Lucy asked.
“Captain Brooks wants a drink.” The attendant feigned a smile.
“Make mine a double,” said Lucy.
__________________________________________________________________________
For those of you who don’t remember Foster Brooks- here’s a little clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=6jNNFqQODKE
48 Comments on “Lucy in the Sky”
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What's So Funny? 
I don’t want to tell you more than you can stand to hear, but I just got out of the shower and read your post sans clothing. That means naked to those who need laymen terms. Now you can laugh for a change.
Velda Brotherton COMING SOON: BEYOND THE MOON ONCE THERE WERE SAD SONGS *http://tinyurl.com/kgerkkf * THE PURLOINED SKULL *http://tinyurl.com/np6dy6q * Amazon page:http://www.amazon.com/author/veldabrotherton
Website: http://www.veldabrotherton.com MONTANA PROMISES AUDIO http://audible.com/pd/B00CO9LJFK
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Wow, I bet you really did get a kick out of the intro then. 🙂
Timing is everything.
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Ha.. To use the right leaves is for sure a good wisdom to have.. Yes I love how you incorporated the diamonds to the title…
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Leaves of three, let it be. That’s my motto.
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Russell – I’m now humming Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Thanks! or not. Fun take on the prompt. Cheerio.
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You’re welcome–I think.
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Dear Captain Brooks,
I think you write those intros just so you can get two stories in one. 😉 Smiles on both. I guess it’s too late for Lucy to get out of the sky alive, but at least she’s got her diamonds.
Shalom,
Blue Angel (Flaps down, y’all).
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PS
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t remember F-Foh-Foster Broooooks.
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I prefer to think of my rambling diatribes as an appetizer prior to the main course.
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That works. I’d like a little Ranch dressing with that appetizer please. 😉
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Would you like croutons too? How about some fresh ground pepper?
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Pass the parachute and praise the lord.
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Amen, brother.
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Oh dear, poor Lucy. Fancy having to catch a flight of fancy turbulence to order a double. From title to last line, this is pure Gayer humour. I’ve seen that Foster Brooks skit…funny, very funny. You’re an absolute gem, Russell 😀
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Yes, I remember Foster Brooks, Russell, and now it’s dawned on me that SNL’s Bobby Moynihan’s Drunk Uncle character is heavily influenced by FB, a polite way of saying, “A rip-off.”
I once flew on a JetBlue red eye from Oakland to NYC where I noticed that the guy sitting across from me in the window seat was butt naked, but his hands were cupped over his family’s jewels. There was no turbulence and we landed safely. So, I had it a lot easier than Lucy.
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I’m glad there was no turbulence. We can’t have the family jewels bouncing off the walls of an airplane. It might put someone’s eye out.
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Russell, Great from intro to the end once again. 😀 Lucy doesn’t need to worry. I remember Foster Brooks, and his character always made it through somehow without a scratch. Thanks for the hilarious video. Dean Martin was laughing so hard he couldn’t speak, and that made the skit even funnier. Well written as always. When your blog comes on, I go straight to it for a fun read. 🙂 —Susan
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Ah, thank you, Susan. That was a great skit and went well with the prompt.
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I remember Foster Brooks, too. I REFUSE to have that song stuck in my head–lalalala–I can’t hear you–I’m not listening–lalalalalala
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Sing, Patti, sing it loud and long. We love to hear you sing.
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Go away! LOL
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Dear Russell,
Foster Brooks would have made a perfect pilot. First to the scene of the accident and not remember a thing. Thanks for flying Marginal Airlines.
Aloha,
Doug
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What plane? There was an accident? Gee, you stop ten seconds for a drink and miss out on all the action.
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I am soooo glad I have no flights booked for the next month! Well written little thriller.
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I’ve got one coming up September 1st. Maybe I’d better take some motion sickness pills before we depart.
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Thanks for the clip. Had not seen him before, watched it and some more. Then started watching Dean Martin. Which meant Jerry Lewis was not far away. Saw some really funny Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis clips. So thanks for starting this evening’s entertainment.
P.S Your story was nice too.
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Once you get started watching those clips it’s hard to stop. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Hilarious! And I remember Foster Brooks as well….I can sooo hear this conversation! Nicely Done Russell! 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by, Courtney. I enjoyed your story too.
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Russell, you are a master at humor! I think I was on a flight like this once and heck, I had drank two bottles (the little tiny ones you buy on the plane) with bloody Mary mix. Yummers! Foster Brooks was (hiccup) so good an imitating drunk people – oh wait – maybe he wasn’t imitating. Good job Russell! Nan
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I’ve heard he didn’t drink, but don’t know it for a fact. He was very funny.
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Am sure its the weight of the stone on wristband that causing all the turbulence!
… and where do I sign for the show? Nice work Russel !!
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I knew the word “naked” would get someone’s attention.
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Your story was hilarious, Russel! Can’t say the same for Foster Brooks… not my cuppa I guess. However, I was surprised to hear he had good pipes!
Ref. “Please Release Me” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Psssw17Brg) 🙂
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I don’t think I had seen that clip. Thanks for sharing it.
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I love your intro today. Make mine a double, yeah, what else can Miss Lucy do? I watched the clop of Mr. Brooks and I’m not flying with him ever.
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Thanks, Amy. Are you signing up for the tour?
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I work in a manufacturing plant and I hate to tell you but management is not going to pay for us to stay and listen to your stump speeches and when quitting time comes we’re outta there!
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In the case of these poor folks, It’s probably their last day on the job.
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I hope this plane has more than its usual quote of alcohol on board as I think all the passengers are going to need some to relax them. Particularly loved ‘… their forced smiles masking the anxiety roiling in their stomachs like volcanos about to erupt.’
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Let’s just hope Captain Brooks doesn’t see a bar and decide to make an emergency landing.
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I really enjoyed the way you casually threw out such startling images here – the stone “as cold as the relationship she’d left behind” and the erupting volcanoes. Very effective and fun.
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Thanks, Blanke. I appreciate your kind words.
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Thoroughly enjoyable and well written story. In my head, the story was recited very much as deadpan.
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You got it. Deadpan it was.
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Well, I love your intro. I can see them, too, talking in the nude. Haha!
Lily
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Yeah, and I thought that was the speaker was supposed to visualize the audience naked.
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Very very funny, Russell. Sorry for the belated comment but I’ve been laughing ever since I read this last Thursday and have finally caught my breath enough to write something. I’m not sure I believe there is really a television show called “Naked and Afraid,” but I might try out for it if the naked part doesn’t place me out of the running. Good luck to Lucy in the Sky; diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but a sober pilot might be better this time around.
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