What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Goin’ Green
A few months ago, Connie bought a small autograph book at a garage sale. The first entry is dated December 28, 1939 leaving me to believe it was a Christmas gift. The original owner lived near Strickler, Arkansas and the signatures and personal notes appear to have been written by classmates and teachers at an all-girls school.
What really struck me was the flowery language. One classmate wrote (and I quote), “My love for you flows like water down a tater row.” Kind of chokes you up, doesn’t it? I don’t know when I’ve heard affection described in more elegant terms. And speaking of Purple Prose . . . .
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our director, and lover of all shades of lavender, is Violet Haze Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
copyright – Roger Bultot
To reduce our carbon footprint, my wife and I bought a new hybrid vehicle for our landscape business. It’s a Johnston two-ton, flatbed powered by green vegetation or diesel. My wife refers to it as Big Johnston, or BJ for short.
Here’s how it works. BJ gulps down large loads of ivy, weeds, or grass clippings and turns them into methane gas. Certain plants, such as cabbage and broccoli, tend to generate a richer fuel blend, but also create noxious exhaust.
Avoid marijuana patches. BJ becomes lethargic and slow to react in traffic, followed by an insatiable appetite—gobbling flowers faster than you can plant them.
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In case you missed it last week, here’s a reminder about the book release.
Between now and September 1st, you can pre-order The Perils of Heavy Thinking from Pen-L.com at a 15% discount.
http://www.Pen-L.com/LandingPages/PerilsOfHeavyThinking.html
After September 1st the book will be available on Amazon and through other book retailers at regular price
45 Comments on “Goin’ Green”
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What's So Funny? 
Russell, Hilarious again. XD That’s some truck. I can well believe that certain veggies cause noxious fumes as the same thing happens with people. I bet you don’t spend much time in traffic jams. People will go out of their way to leave you and the truck plenty of space on the road. Well written as always. 🙂 —Susan
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You don’t want to get stuck behind BJ after she’s cleaned up a bean patch either.
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Dear Russell, What a wonderful story! I hope you patent BJ – it sounds like a promising investment! Ingenious! Nan
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Not quite as clever as Perry’s Chia Truck, but a close second.
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Fun story this week, Russell! No marijuana, of course, but how does BJ run on hemp? I hear its incredibly sustainable. 🙂
Kind regards,
Marie Gail
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She would probably do better on hemp, but I bet she would still get the munchies.
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Ha.. yes I guess BJ might have an appetite for potted plants after eating too much weed… 🙂
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Yeah, Doug might be in trouble if he showed up wearing a lei around his neck.
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Love it, man! Very funny.
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Does it flow like water down a tater row?
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Haha! Yeah, stay away from those marijuana patches or you’ll be blocking the drive-through at the nearest Taco Bell! “Water down a tater row.” Hmmm. Sounds more like the correlation of, “When you-know-what runs downhill, do I have to live in the valley?”
Funny stuff, Russell!
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It definitely rolls downhill and sure seems to pile up fast in my world.
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Dear BJ
There’s Eco Friendly and then there’s your weed eater. Hash tag going to pot. Sounds like some of the bugs need to be worked out.
One of my favorite old yearbook inscriptions…”Yours ’til tables have knees.”
Thanks for the fun,
Shalom,
Violet Haze (Do I hear Hendrix?)
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Indeed you do. Jimi has discovered the expanded color gamut in the next life.
Till tables have knees, hmmm. I suppose they’ll have ankles too?
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It sounds like a BJ could be possible! Wouldn’t that be wonderful? I remember those autograph books. I had a green one. I didn’t have too many entries though. 😦
Lily
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I never had one, but I remember all those things we used to write in each other’s yearbooks at school.
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Ahhh, what they wouldn’t have done for BJ back in the 60’s. They would take Magic Carpet Ride on the Magic Bus, towards the Eve of Destruction. Of course you could feed BJ on Lavender plants and drive through a Purple Haze. That would be much more pleasant than what would be Blowin’ in the Wind after eating the cabbage and broccoli. You Wild Thing Russell 🙂
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I love the thought of blown’ in the wind after eating cabbage & broccoli.
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Violet Haze! I don’t know how you do it week after week, finding a new alias for our hostess. Enjoyed your story, as always. We need to get one of those–hubby may never have to mow again.
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Wouldn’t that be nice. It’s hot and dry here now. Pretty soon the grass will be crunchy and brown.
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Sounds like a perfect idea. I’ve got the fuelling point to end all fuelling points out back of my house. Great fun, Russell. 🙂
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I hope it’s not a big patch of marijuana. I’d hate to see BJ go on another binge eating attack.
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I have to wonder if you could use BJ to move the lawn? Or does he only do herbaceous borders?
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Sigh…”mow” the lawn. Not move it. I really wish we could edit the comments section.
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Actually, I read right over that. I often catch my own typos after I click “Post Comment.” An edit button would be nice.
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Perfect, Russell. You should patent this. It would take care of all kinds of problems! Funny story. You always make me laugh.
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I wonder if poison ivy would give BJ gas. We have plenty of that around here.
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Love it! Great for the environment, great for my funny bone
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Thanks, Sean. I’m glad you were amused.
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What a great idea for the story. Broccoli & beans might cause an, ahem, emission problem, But looks like this truck is the way of the future.
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I hope BJ doesn’t run afoul of the EPA.
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Love the idea of a truck with the munchies. Am glad these trucks don’t yet exist – being downwind of them could be quite an experience.
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Yeah, being downwind from a diesel is bad enough.
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I like it, I want one too! You could solve all the fuel problem in the world.
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Well, it would greatly reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
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I think you may have just described some guys I went to school with.
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Did they have the munchies too?
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ALL the time! lol
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A weed eating truck– I love it! Of course, in WA state, where I live, it would all be legal. 😉 As always your story was very funny, Russell.
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Legal or not, we might still experience impaired driving (about 10 mph below the speed limit). 🙂
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😉 Indeed!
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As usual, very inspired writing Russell, based on yet another “what the hell are we looking at?” image. I suspect that Wings’ “Hi Hi Hi” is playing on a loop on the radio as BJ refuels.
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These photos are often quite challenging, but I guess that’s the point. Sometimes I look at them and think, “How am I going to write something funny about that?”
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A lovely story. At least some people are working to slow down climate change.
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Amazing, little story here…
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