What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
The Shallow End of the Gene Pool
Well, I made it back from my four-day sabbatical in the wilderness. Unlike Jesus, I didn’t fast for forty days, but I was tempted by the Devil. He showed up with some beer and started ragging me about all the poor, hard-working Americans at the brewery who count on me for a paycheck.
Then he quoted Babe Ruth and said, “If you don’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams will be shattered. It’s better for you to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about your liver.” How can you argue with logic like that?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our emcee—beginning her third year as hostess with the mostest—is Alexis Trebeka Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
*CJH WARNING – The post below contains crude, juvenile humor.
Arvel loved submarines. As a youngster, he used to lie on his back in the bathtub and holler, “Periscope up!”
He joined the navy right out middle-school, having completed each of the last three grades twice. Arvel had no problem treading water and could float like a piece of driftwood, even propelling himself along, providing his diet contained the optimum mixture of broccoli and beans.
The highlight of his military career came while stationed in New England. Arvel led a group of drunken sailors protesting higher beer taxes in what later became known as the famous Boston Pee Party.
41 Comments on “The Shallow End of the Gene Pool”
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What's So Funny? 
“He joined the navy right out middle-school, having completed each of the last three grades twice.” It sounds like your bonehead, Arvel, has what it takes to work in the Secret Service, Russell.
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I don’t know, he may be a little over-educated for that position, but there’s no doubt he’s smarter than some of the folks we have in government.
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I sent the Devil up to see you, Russell. He kept bugging me while I was trying to study, saying things like,”Just wine a little and you’ll feel better.”
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I bet it worked too.
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Russell, thank you for making me smile – once again. Loved the juvenile humor! Also wondering how fast the Devil can move ’cause I swear he’s been at my house a couple of times (maybe after visiting Honie) saying, “Just finish that growler, there’s more beer at the store!” Cheers,
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Yeah, the devil stays pretty busy these days. Just ask Arvel.
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Russell, Looks like Arvel was a natural for the navy. His parents must have been happy he finally fit in somewhere. Do parents ever pay a branch of the service to take a son? Hilarious. 😀 Well written as well. 🙂 — Susan
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Obviously, our government officials can be bought. It happens every day. If his parents had enough money, say like Donald Trump, Arvel could have made Admiral.
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Russell, I pinned a picture of the cover of your book on one of my Pinterest boards for a little added advertising. If you’d rather I remove it just let me know. — Susan
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I’m so flattered, I’m blushing like a glass of fine Merlot (okay, maybe cheap table wine). Thank you so much, Susan. Sales have been kind of slow. I appreciate all the help I can get.
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🙂
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Well, you definitely had fun with that! A giggle at bedtime is good for the health, so thank you 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it, Liz.
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You had me shaking my head throughout but also chuckling.
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The water is real shallow at Arvel’s end of the gene pool.
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Not gonna say a thing 🙄
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Too late, you already did.
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Wow Russell, You should be a writer – oh wait – you are! And, you are a good one at that! I was laughing so hard, my side ached. Love it! Nan 🙂
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I’m still working on that writer thing, Nan. Maybe someday I’ll get it figured out.
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This is hilarious … I would rate this “Two Periscopes Up”
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So, are you and Arvel going to lay side-by-side in the tub?
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Dear Arvel,
Caught my finger in the bread slicer yesterday and it’s hard to type. Although with the bandage it’s much easier to communicate. 😉
As a sailor you’re truly an inspiration. Where was this story when Jan was recruiting for the Navy? Of course what he might not tell you is that one of the biggest hazards he faced in his early military career was falling off of bar stools.
Glad you’re back. You left a hole in the Hollywood Squares.
Shalom,
Alexis
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And now you know why the ocean is so salty.
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I’m glad Arvel found a career path suited to his talents. And he has leadership qualities, plus a sense of social justice. He’s rather examplary, I believe. This was a very funny story.
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Yep, people will follow him to the end of the pier.
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Sorry – typo above – exemplary
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You can’t have a juvenile story without a bit of farting. Very funny.
Claire
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Absolutely, passing gas always plays a major role.
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Russell,
We need you around to keep things light. Fun story for a photo prompt that took so many of us to dark placed. Great work.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Thanks, Marie Gail. I always strive to keep things light. I’d hate to ruin my bad reputation.
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It’s good that Arvel does not submit to pier pressure though he might have an emission problem. Keep the juvenile flag flying
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Thanks. You know I’m incorrigible, don’t ya?
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Dear Russell,
You would have done well in Submarine School and made an excellent wearer of the Dolphins. I tip my cover to you and Arvel. Well done, sir.
Aloha,
Doug
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I appreciate the kind words, Doug. I hope you have a good way to filter the air down there. Guys like me and Arvel might have to change our diet.
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That made me smile, Russell. This boy needs his space when he takes a bath. I’m starting to become familiar with this feeling with my ‘tween boy. Yeah, I’ll be leaving now. 🙂
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So funny and a little bit naughty. Thanks for the laughs Russell. 😀
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Arvel sounds like the kind of sailor the navy doesn’t need – especially on a sub. Fun and funny as ever 🙂
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This is so funny, I am glad I took time to go back and read this. Thank you for the laughs.
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Thank you for backtracking to find it. It’s one of my favorites.
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LOL Now that’s a party I don’t remember reading about in History class. Joined right out of middle school…It must be fun inside your head, Russell.
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I don’t know, Patti. Words keep trying to escape through my fingers.
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