What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Time to Stop Digging
Well, I hope everyone got what they wanted for Halloween—not what they deserved.
Oh . . .? Connie just reminded me that Christmas is when people get gifts, not Halloween. Sorry, wrong holiday, my bad. These days they start promoting Christmas right after the Fourth of July so I have a hard time keeping up with when the event actually occurs.
I am thankful to be rid of political ads for a while. I’m much happier watching people walk around with no pants bragging about their Depends. Too bad the politicians weren’t wearing Depends over their mouth while they were spewing all that nasty filthiness about their opponents. That would have made ads worth watching.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the person who can help you get into the spirit of writing 100 word stories is Hanukkah Harriett Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Max and Cheryl were playing cards at Chip and Mindy’s house.
“Are you girls going shopping tomorrow?” asked Max.
“God, I hope not,” said Chip. “Mindy can’t leave home without spending at least two hundred dollars.”
“What?” The hair rose on the back of Mindy’s neck. “You know that’s not true. And I never buy anything over fifty dollars without asking your opinion.”
“Last week she came home with one of those ridiculous Christmas sweaters,” Chip continued. “Where’s she going to wear that? To a dog fight?”
“You said you loved it,” stammered Mindy.
“Probably to your funeral.” Cheryl grinned.
47 Comments on “Time to Stop Digging”
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What's So Funny? 
Yeah, probably his funeral… Though I can’t blame him for criticizing her Christmas sweater. Those things are hideous!
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I totally agree. The company I work for even has an “ugly sweater” contest every year at Christmas. It can be pretty hilarious.
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Nice story in a ‘that sounds familiar’ kind of way, but how does it relatecto the prompt?
.
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There’s a bucket and backhoe attachment on the Edsel in the photo. Chip is “digging a hole” with his wife and doesn’t know when to shut up. As Will Rogers once said, “When you’re in a hole, stop digging.”
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Ahhhh – got it. I admit I was confused. nice. 🙂
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Ouch.. Well, at least she will have something for that special occasion. 🙂
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yes, I think they have scheduled his wake for early next week.
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Clearly he doesn’t need a shovel, Chip can dig his own holes! For the record, got that all on my own… which is a compliment to your writing, and a coup for me this week! So often I miss the hidden piece, Russell. I feel perfectly gloaty now. (* much better than bloaty).
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Gloat all you want, Dawn. I think Chip upgraded from a shovel to a backhoe.
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So many visions of bad Christmas sweaters popped into my mind. Keeping my lips zipped, though, so I don’t end up like Chip! Maybe Jimmy’s dad soled his back hoe to Cheryl.
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Silence is golden in some situations.
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Ouch! Can you speak a little louder? Someone’s throwing dirt in my grave. 😀
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Been there, done that, eh Kent?
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What was Chip drinking at that card game, Sodium Pentothal and Bacardi? That custom Edsel suits him perfectly.
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That’s how the Chips fall sometimes.
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I had to look up Sodium Pentothal (Truth Serum). Note to self–bring your own booze when drinking with Virginia.
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Next thing you know, CSI comes looking for the body.
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“What body?” said Mindy.
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I like the story. I like the opening. But who is that handsome youthful long-haired guy in the black and white picture in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block next to your name? I knew it!
Rochelle screwed up and put the wrong picture there. Right? Yep, that explains it.
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Matthew Brady took that photo when he got his first camera (purchased with S & H Green Stamps, by the way).
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Gah! I remember those. My mother collected Raleigh coupons, too. We used to joke that she was saving up for her iron lung.
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Brady? That young upstart! I would have wanted a much more experienced photographer.
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Russell, Poor man. They better check to see what he’s drinking for sure before the hole gets any deeper. Humorous and well written as usual. 🙂 — Susan
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I’m afraid it’s too late, Susan. The hole is dug and Mindy is throwing in the Chip.
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Dear Russell,
Chip is in too deep I think. His wife will probably fill the hole in on top of him and he’ll still be talking. (So why is it again that women marry and then stay married to those kind of men?) Great take on the prompt, sir.
Aloha,
Doug
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I suspect he’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.
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Where do I send the flowers too? Good job Nan 🙂
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Send them to Mindy of course. Poinsettias might be a nice touch.
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Dear Chip,
I hope you enjoy the taste of Christmas sweater. I suspect you’ll be picking threads and fuzz out of your teeth for a while. Delightful take on the prompt.
shalom,
Harriett
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Thanks, Harriett. Is there such a thing as a Hanukkah sweater?
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Actually I think there is. Not quite so prevalent as the obnoxious Christmas ones, though.
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🙂 And they say women never know when to shut up! Chip’s possibly played his last hand. 🙂
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Right you are, Sandra. Aces & eights–a dead man’s hand.
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Ba da bing! And Cheryl gets the punch line. I like her. She’s funny.
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Yes, Cheryl knew when to play the trump card.
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May be having a senior moment. Hope You and Connie are well and happy, by the way, great picture of a great old car, modified just a little.
________________________________
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That frontend loader is going to make a lovely sound as it compacts the soil around Chips grave. Love the matching initials for their names too, Russell 🙂
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That was purely coincidental, Lyn. Sometimes I amaze myself.
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He is going to end up with a chipped teeth if he doesn’t watch those comments.
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What husband hasn’t been down that road?
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Sometimes a card game can bring forth honesty that’s not wished for.. wonder if Chip will have to sleep in his old Edsel for a while…
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possibly even a hearse.
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Awkward! Don’t you love it when married couples decide to dust off their unresolved issues during game night? Good story this week, Russell, with a healthy dose of reality.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Connie and I play cards with another couple on a regular basis. Both Ross and I are very good at opening mouth and inserting foot.
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Chip’s a nasty type. Why did he tell her he loved the sweater, and then contradict himself and humiliate her in front of friends. I don’t like him. I hope he keeps on digging holes until he disappears out of sight down one. Good story – got me riled.
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You should have been there when she asked, “Does this make me look fat?” Of course he lied.
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I admire how you manage to write one funny story after another, week after week. Always looking forward to your next story.
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