What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Jilted Lover
I think of the Thanksgiving holiday as boot camp. Just a few days of intensive training to get you ready for the real thing. Over the next four weeks my stomach muscles will be sorely tested. There will be parties to attend, company dinners at work, potlucks, and trays of sweets shoved down my throat like a steam engine gobbling coal. Without proper training even the strongest are doomed to failure.
The hardest part of it is the mental aspect. Modern society—that two faced hussy who tells us to exercise and take care of our health, and then in the next breath spews an endless onslaught of ad for rich food, dark beer, and erectile dysfunction. Why don’t they ever show fat people in those bathtubs? It irks me. We need a bath now and then too.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the little elf who unwraps a new photo prompt for us each week is Ginger Ali Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Heidi, you look so down. What’s the matter?”
“Men. They’ll steal your heart, then disappear.”
“When did it happen?”
“Two days ago. It came a heavy snow. Kids were playing in the yard. I looked up and there he was.”
“And you fell in love?”
“I couldn’t help it. The way he looked at me with those big dark eyes, his crooked smile, and wearing that silly hat.”
“And he just disappeared?”
“I guess you could say that. He faded away, right before my eyes, like an apparition.”
“What was his name?”
“Frosty.”
“Don’t worry, dear. He’ll be back someday.”
48 Comments on “Jilted Lover”
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What's So Funny? 
Loved this!
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It broke my heart to write it. Romance is such a tough genre.
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Russell, Russell, Russell, once again you supply something sweet for dessert to have with my after my lunch coffee. This is a sure goer for Perils of Heavy Thinking Volume 2 😀
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If I start writing romance it could ruin my bad reputation. Thanks for the kind words.
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Dear Frosty,
Take care with that table muscle. You wouldn’t want to strain something.
Sounds like the cad melted her heart. Snow matter, there are more where he came from. I do hear that the was well built though, although somewhat flaky.
shalom,
Ginger Ali
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Dear Ginger Ali,
The table muscles are in good shape. I’ve got them on a heavy workout regime three times a day. By January 8th (Elvis’ birthday) I should be exceedingly round and pasty white.
Yours truly, Frosty.
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Keep this on the down low from heartbroken Heidi, Russell, but last winter following one of our many snow storms here in the Big Apple, my boss photographed Frosty in Tribeca … with a wife and kid.
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He’s just like one of those traveling salesmen, isn’t he? There’s no telling how many little flings he has while traveling around the globe.
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just wondering what she has been smoking or drinking lately. 🙂
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I’ve always wondered what Frosty had in his pipe too.
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Aww, the trauma of a broken heart. He was clearly a cad, melting into nothing like that. I hope she finds a new beau soon, perhaps one made of sterner stuff.
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Yes, it’s a sad tale. Repeated many times over across the country every winter. She could try dating one of those plastic snowmen, but I hear they are rather frigid.
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Frosty! Hahaha Now I have that song stuck in my head. Thank you SO much.
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Well, there are worse songs to be singing this time of year.
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I’m glad you didn’t name any! LOL
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Russell, No need to worry about Frosty. He’s been melting and coming back for years and years now. He, Santa, and Jack Frost just keep coming back every winter without fail. Hilarious yet again. 😀 Check around. With all the groups in the U.S. there’s got to be one campaigning for more chubbie people to be shown in TV tubs. You’re right, it isn’t fair. Well written. 🙂 — Susan
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Put your chubby hubby in the tub. That’s what I tell my wife.
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He’s a jolly, happy soul, that Frosty. And I too shall go to sleep with that stuck in my head! Curse you man! I will also be smiling.
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See: 😀
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Beautiful smile, Dawn. You and Patti should get together and sing it as a duet.
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Russell… you are a unique snowflake. 🙂
I picked the twist a little early, but it was no less amusing for my guess. Nice work.
KT
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Thanks, KT. Yeah, I gave the punch line away rather early, but it was just so easy I couldn’t help myself.
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Dear Russell,
You are a jolly old soul and seem to be built for the holidays. Don’t argue, either; this story proves my point. Well done pump primer for the stories of the weeks to come.
Aloha and close the reefer door,
Doug
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Aye, Captain. I am indeed fat & jolly–no denying that.
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Perfect thoughts for the holiday and winter season. Gotta smile.
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Which thought? The Cialis tubs for fat people? It takes less water for us, which is good for the environment, right?
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I sense this a pattern in Heidi’s life. She seems quite resigned to it. Maybe she needs to get out more ….
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You’re probably right, Siobhan. She needs to shake it off and move on with her life.
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Dear Russell,
What a cold-hearted scamp! You’d think someone named “Frosty” wouldn’t be able to melt a single thing, much less the heart of an unsuspecting single mother. Thanks for the giggle.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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I think she was lonely and vulnerable and when he showed her some attention her emotions overran her common sense. Glad it made you giggle.
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Unlike wildbilbo, I didn’t catch on until the end. Call me dull-witted if you like, but the Ah Ha moment made me smile. Alicia
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I prefer to think you got so wrapped up in the story that you didn’t see the end coming. The smile is what I was going for. Now, if you’d just sing a few bars of Frosty the Snowman . . .
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What a great way to start the season! Your story brought me JoY and the hope of more to come.
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Dear Russell, Such a sad tale You would think that Frosty would have trouble finding dates with that name. And – what is it with all the cold in his house? He always has the shades pulled. She’s better off without him. Tell her to stay away from Flash too. Nan 🙂
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More like Melted Lover. HA! Russell, your intros always make laugh. Of course, you know this and that’s why you write such witty teasers! Happy Holidays.
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Glad you enjoy the intros. I have fun writing them too.
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A Melted Lover! Ha ha. Very funny, Russell. If I saw Frosty, I’d fall in love too, I betcha! Enjoy the holiday treats. I know I will.
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It’s hard to resist all the goodies. I’ll probably gain 10 more pounds.
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That was a cute little story and a great one for my first venture back into the 100-word world of Rochelle since my UK break!
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We’re glad you’re back. Can’t wait to read yours.
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What if Frosty eloped with that devious Miss Thaw?
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I’ve afraid he did, Bjorn.
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Great work in the romance genre. Maybe Frosty just went away for a beachside vacation. Now that would make him melt.
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A Harlequin Romance with a hot chapter…
Lily
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Hot indeed.
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I know that Frosty. He’s a real cad. He’s done his disappearing act in thousands of homes. Wins the kids over first, then – Whop! the mothers are all over him. It’s a scandal. Love the story.
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Yes, I’m sure it will be all over the front of the supermarket tabloids.
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Awww sweet! I love Frosty – Corn cob pipe and all.
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