What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
All Wired Up and Nowhere to Glow
I’ve always admired people who had wise quotations attributed to their name. The trick is to say something clever enough that others would care to repeat it and credit the author. Here are some examples of words of wisdom people have imparted to me.
- “Sit down and shut up!” ~ Mrs. Sticklebottom (elementary school teacher)
- “Absolutely not! Get away from me, you creep.” ~ Debra Jones (my first crush)
This got me thinking about how selfish I’d been by not sharing my wealth of wit and wisdom. Here are a couple of my more famous sayings, followed by one that’s yet to catch on. Feel free to quote me on any of these.
- “My nouns and verbs don’t always agree. Fistfights have been known to break out in mid-sentence.”
- “The last time I opened my trench coat to expose myself to knowledge, knowledge not only laughed—it impolitely pointed AND laughed.”
- “Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make the most of it.”
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the building inspector who issues permits for 100 word stories is Electra “Shock Therapy” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
The first seven weeks of winter had been brutal. Meteorologist searched as far back as records had been kept, but failed to find lower temperatures for an extended period of time.
“It’s the new ice age,” declared Hal Bore, a proponent of Global Warming.
But one man had a plan. Master Electrician, Ole Peterson, invented a giant, infrared heat lamp with enough power to warm the entire upper mid-west.
At dawn on February 2nd he was about to flip the switch when his partner, Sven, pulled the plug.
“Not today, Ole. Ve don’t vant de groundhog to see his shadow.”
34 Comments on “All Wired Up and Nowhere to Glow”
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What's So Funny? 
Hilarious once again, Russell. 😀 I had a sneaking feeling that some people in the know still believe in signs like the groundhog and his shadow. I loved the imparted wisdom you’ve picked up along the say, especially from your elementary teacher. 😀 — Suzanne
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Yes, Mrs. Sticklebottom was known for her choice of words.
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Dear Mr. Peterson,
I’ve always shaken my head at people who believe meteorology to be an exact science. My husband gets totally emotional if the weatherman predicted rain around 3 o’clock and there’s a downpour at 11:00. “This wasn’t supposed to happen yet,” he’ll shout.
Feel free to pull the switch and warm things up around here.
Now…sit down and shut up.
Shalom,
Electra ST
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What other job can you have where being right only half of the time is considered acceptable? I’m with Jan on that one.
I’m going to zip my lip now.
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I believe that should be “I’ve always shaken my head”…feel free to edit (please oh please)
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Done.
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Thank you for saving my face.
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You’re the Mark Twain of ff
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Thanks, Bill. Can I quote you on that?
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absolutely 🙂
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That Sven, he’s such a control freak.
Here is a quote that has been attributed to me: “When I began writing fiction, I knew nothing. Now I know nothing much more intimately.”
You keep me laughing, Russell. I like the picture of nouns and verbs in fisticuffs.
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That was funny though I’m not sure why I think so, as I don’t understand the groundhog reference!
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If he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter. See Suzanne’s comment.
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Damn, now I’m trying to figure out where I can slip in your knowledge quote. That’s just hilarious.
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You can use my “Knowledge” quote the next time you’re asked to be the key-note speaker at a college graduation. It makes a nice “ice-breaker.”
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I love this, Russel!! And, it’s almost time for Groundhog Day! Look at that. This story was meant to be. I like your quote about verbs and nouns fighting in mid-sentence. Hey, mine do that too!
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Those darn nouns and verbs argue more than an old married couple. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them.
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Ha! I love the irony. This was a good one.
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Thanks, Dawn.
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I had to google groundhog day to understand this. Great stuff. Funny, too.
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Thanks, Patrick. Personally, I think Groundhog Day should be an International holiday.
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“In the field of humor today, there is but one giant, one writer who towers above all the rest. Would laughter exist without him? Would our spirits ever soar or would they sputter to the ground were he gone? Would the planets themselves but beweep his absence? Not only don’t I know what I’m talking about, I forgot who I’m writing about!” Perry Block
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I think you should host one of those celebrity roasts. The last sentence is classic Block. I can see that one printed on the side of coffee cups.
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Russell, This was such a cute story. You and Perry are so funny – and I’ve heard that you are the “Mark Twain of Friday Flash Fiction.” What a marvelous life you live when people give you a quote about yourself! Absolutely wonderful!!! You and Perry, Rochelle, and others make this club the fun it is and Thanks to you all from the mediocre of this club – Me. Oh, BTW, old Hal Bore is just as boring as the day he took credit for starting the “internet” What a schmuck! Have a wonderful week! Nan
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I wonder what else Hal Bore would have taken credit for if he’d won the presidential election? World peace?
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i could hear mrs. sticklebottom saying, “groundhog you’re grounded.” or is just my imagination?
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What if I saw my shadow? I might have had six more years of elementary school.
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Dear Russell, I meant to tell you how clever your title was too! You are so smart! Nan 🙂
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A smart-alec is more like it, Nan. Thanks for the kind words about the title. It felt like a nice fit with the photo.
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Back in the day, Hal Bore, tried to teach science in my all girls Catholic high school, Holy Slut High, but once those lights went out, so did my classmates and me. So, Hal’s light switch anxiety continues, but I’m on Team Sven. I just wish some of that warming would head to the Northeast!
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Team Sven–that sounds like you’re ready for the winter Olympics. Will you be participating in the Luge or Curling?
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Sven, Sven, what a party pooper. The good thing is – there’s always tomorrow. Another wonderful story and great introduction. Thanks for keeping me smiling.
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Maybe Ole will turn the heat lamp on tomorrow, sounds like Chicago could really use it.
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Well Russ you sent me scurrying to Google to check out Groundhog Day. I love the film with Bill Murray but never knew that the lowly Groundhog actually has his day – Feb 2. (If it was in the film that bit went over my head)
I am still laughing at the idea that if he sees his shadow he goes back for another six weeks…
Thanks for another story packed full of your kind of wit and humour, it’s my kind too and it’s great.
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