What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Gone with the Breeze
Tuesday afternoon, while driving across the endless plains known as Kansas, I noticed a sign hanging over the entrance to someone’s driveway. The sign read, “On this spot in 1897 nothing happened.”
I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my cousin, JB Hogan. As President of the Washington County Historical Society, this is the kind of information that makes him salivate like Pavlov’s dog. What followed was a lengthy exchange of emails discussing other places of non-interest where nothing ever happened. I encouraged JB to write a series of articles documenting these historical non-events to share with the world. Look for a three-volume tome to be released by early November, just in time for Christmas.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our curator of historical-fiction is the esteemed Gertrude Himmelfarb Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Phrett! Phrett, where are you going?
I’m going back to Oregon, back where I belong.
Please, please take me with you!
No, Snarlett, I’m through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn’t a damp, foggy, miserable stretch of forest that’s missing a Sasquatch. Do you know what I’m talking about?
No! I only know that I love you.
That’s your misfortune.
Oh, Phrett! Phrett… if you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?
Frankly, my dear, I suggest you shear your legs and back and start a Snarlett O’Harry sweater-of-the-month club.
__________________________________________________________
When I saw this photo I was instantly reminded of the Carol Burnett classic “Went With the Wind.” My version incorporates the Bigfoot culture that is so popular in America today.
In regards to the sign – “On this spot nothing happened,” rumor has it that a similar one hangs in Perry Block’s bedroom.
41 Comments on “Gone with the Breeze”
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What's So Funny? 
Ouch! She’s better off without Phrett. Funny as ever, pal, but I hope you”ve got the funds for Perry’s libel suit.
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Perry will be too busy trying to track down Snarlett and catch her on the rebound.
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Phrett ane Snarlett — whoever on earth gives a damn! LOL!! Loved it.
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Exactly. And I swear, nothing happened between them.
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Ha! This is hilarious. And he’s going to Oregon. I found that very funny, and I love the Sasquatch mention. I can see them knitting on the porch. Great piece, Russell!
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Yeah, who’s going to shear her back now, huh?
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Hee hee hee, another fab gigglefest 🙂
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Thanks, Helen. Phrett and Snarlett thank you too.
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Nice parody. I looked at those columns and instantly had Tara on the brain, too, you Margaret Mitchell (not) wannabe.
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You had me pegged from the start.
I’ve been dying to craft romantic tales of love in the deep South between the Bogey Creek monster and whatever they have in Georgia. Well, this dog finally had his day.
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Glad you scratched that flea bite.
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Hilarious, Russell. 😀 Your creative streak really goes off the beaten track. No wonder it runs into the Sasquatch. Well done once again. Poor Perry. He must have bruises on his funny bone by now. 🙂 — Suzanne
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I’m sure Perry is plotting ways to pay me back–even as I type this.
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LOL just as well you and Perry are friends 😀
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Russell, Russell, Russell. Where do you think up these names for Rochelle? I do so look forward to reading your post every week – we never know what you’ll serve up, but it’s always a treat 🙂
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It takes a long to assign a name to our fearless leader as it does to write the intro and the story. If you look up Gertrude Himmelfarb, you’ll find she was a famous historian.
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That Snarlett was one hairy dame.
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Right you are, Dawn.
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haha. very funny as usual. truly enjoyed it. anyway, if she dyes her furs blonde, it might help. 🙂
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Great idea.
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Ha! This was such fun to read. I really enjoyed your take on the prompt. Snarky Scarlett…
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Yes, the poor girl was a little self-centered I’m afraid.
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Dear Phrett, Philldeedee, I will think about this tomorrow. I need your help, you handsome womanizing scoundrel! We need new curtains for the windows and Melanie said she would sew them if I provide the green velvet. Find some for me won’t you? I found some more root vegetables and as God is my witness, we will never go hungry again! Snarky Snarlett in the Suburbs
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I can just see her gnawing on a carrot saying “What’s up Phrett?”
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Dear Phrett,
Gone with the breeze. What breeze? Oh that breeze. (Yeah, I love Carol Burnett) I’d comment but frankly, my dear, I don’t give a gosh darn. 😉
Always serious fun to drop by.
Shalom,
Gertie
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That Carol Burnett skit has to rate in the top 5 of all-time funniest parodies.
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Gotta love a man’s POV about shaving legs. LOL. Cute, cute.
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A great place for fleas to hide out.
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Russell,
I love that sign–I’ve driven by it many times. As to the three-volume tome, well, good luck with that as our boys at Roadside Visions seem to have a corner on that market already (but I’ll be sure to pop by and read if the tales of such non-attractions land here on your blog).
Fun tale this week. Of course a picture of a veranda needs a good spoof, and who better to spoof than Margaret Mitchell.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Did you know that the attack on Pearl Harbor did not happen at Hickory Creek Marina on Beaver Lake? Yes, it’s true.
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So many reason to shad rivers of tears to the sorrows of dear Miss Snarlet .. Love this from the first sentence to the last… 🙂
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Thanks. Bjorn.
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And there was I thinking that men liked to stroke hairy women… duh!
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I suppose there’s a man somewhere who’d like to comb her back and readjust her flea collar.
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What images that last line bring to mind. 🙂 Poor Snarlett – will she ever love again?
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Frankly, my dear, only if she finds another Sasquatch.
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This one had me laughing out loud, Russell, for all the sheer craziness of it. I love the tale of Phrett and Snarlett. If you ever write the whole epic saga, let me know. 🙂
-David
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I’m glad you liked the Bigfoot version, but 100 words is probably enough. It might lose it’s craziness effect if I took it longer.
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Thanks for making me laugh. I bet Snarlett will get right on to it – tomorrow…
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Hilarious. Snarlett might like to be introduced to Howie the Yowie – he hangs out just a bit south of there, and he’s rumoured to be a very fast knitter.
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I love those Carol Burnett skits! And wearing the drapes with the rod still in them. You don’t miss a beat when it comes to picking on Perry! I might have gotten a better grade in history class if there’d been more non-events.
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