Russell Gayer, author speaker
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
Stories From Within
Finding ways to make words sparkle
This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
All the Blogging That's Fit To Print
AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
A Humor Blog
Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind
Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!
An author's perspective of mystery and more.
And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
I kind of favor idle worship.
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As a person with a Master’s Degree in Laziness and Procrastination, I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment, Bill.
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Another great morning chuckle. Thanks for that! 🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it, Caerlynn.
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Dear Russell,
I’d say that Abe is just a few years past middle age so I’ll not stop at that cesspool. Now I’m confused. Is it idol or idle worship? Pardon me I left my motor idling. Guess I’ll look elsewhere for that fountain of yoot. Two yoots.
Shalom,
Abilene Annie
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Bill and I both prefer idle. As for Dave . . . .
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I knew who Abe Vigoda is and that was a good choice for this. That poor man was born looking old! Thanks also for the link, it’s good to know he i still alive.
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Yes, he looked 70 in his baby picture.
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LOL! Yes, I believe he did.
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Charming – I won’t put that on my bucket list!
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Come on, Liz. Just stick your toe in.
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A rest stop to drive straight past I think! Nice one.
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No can do, Keith. Better hop in and take a dip with the rest of us. You’ll feel better afterward and won’t look a day over forty-five.
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Hi, Russell! Fun story this week.
I have to mention–you left on an initial quote mark in your second paragraph.
Whew! Okay, now that’s out of the way . . .
Your characters need to be more careful where they get their advice. It’s never a good idea to get directions to the Fountain of Youth from an aging curmudgeon. Thanks for taking us on the misguided adventure.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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That’s also what happens when you have an aging curmudgeon doing the proof reading. Thanks for catching that, MG.
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So this the place that ushers in the mid-life crisis: moss-covered with stagnant water that’s perfect breeding ground for a fungal infection. Thanks for being tour guide. Is that Abe’s counterpart in the annals of dead or not dead, Zsa Zsa Gabor, lounging in the fireplace clad in green or am I mistaking her with a shrub?
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I think that’s Twiggy, but it’s hard to tell.
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I love the idea of the Fountain of Youth being at a rest stop! Thanks for that. I’ll keep an eye out on our next road trip.
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Just make sure you don’t fall into the Cesspool of Middle Age. That’s the one you have to watch out for.
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In my case, Russell, the Fountain of Middle Age would probably make me look younger, but if that’s a picture of it, I’ll pass. The green slime probably covers wrinkles. I’d rather have the wrinkles. Hilarious as always. 😀 I can’t see you ever getting really old, Russell. 🙂 — Suzanne
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I may be over 50, but I’ll always be immature.
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I love this, “if he knew where the fountain is, why did he look so damn old?” HAHA!! This is so funny!! Loved it! Now I’m going to read the others’ comments.
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Well, that’s Perry for you (he lives in Pennsylvania). I hope you make time to read the original story he wrote. It’s really funny.
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Okay, I will. I hope there is a link from your story post.
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Thanks, Russell. What people don’t know is that you and I splashed in the Cesspool of Middle Age together and both of us came out looking like Rob Lowe — That is, super creepy and decrepit Rob Lowe. Maybe you a little bit more decrepit than me. We’re due for another dip.
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You and I as creepy Rob Lowe twins? That visual image is enough to give anyone nightmares.
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if the idea was really stolen, it was quite a steal. and you did the original author proud.
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Perry is easy to flatter.
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No idea who Abe is, but enjoyed the story as usual. I loved Gladys’s indisputable logic about why he looked so old. I’ll skip the map and follow Twiggy, I think.
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Abe is a 91 year old Jew. Perry’s younger brother, I think.
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Dear Russell,
How do i love thee, let me count the ways….
Irrefutable logic re the look of the salesman. Nice of you to give credit where credit is due. Abe Vigoda is my son.
Aloha,
Doug
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Then you must be related to Perry too.
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I’m glad to see you’re finally plagiarizing a quality writer rather than that Shakespeare fellow. After all, no one has ever disputed that I have written all the blog posts I take credit for. Including a play called Hamlet too, you’ve probably heard of it.
Anyway, thanks for the plagiarizing and really enjoyed your story; you and me and Abe ought to get together sometime and compare liver spots.
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I’ve got a nice one in the shape of a mushroom cloud on my left arm, or is that a gravy stain? Hell, I can’t remember.
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LOL I usually leave your post to read last, but I needed a laugh so I read it now. Oh dear, poor Abe Vigoda, being relegated to host at the Cesspool of Middle Age. Mind you, if he’s middle aged at 91, there’s hope for all of us 😀 You never disappoint Russell.
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I don’t care if I’m first or last on your list, as long as you stop by. Thanks for being a faithful reader, Lyn.
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“Cesspool of Middle Age”
I think that’s my new drinking joint and I might have over imbibed recently. Also with your prolific output I don’t think you will be winning American Idle anytime soon.
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I would call once a week too prolific, but I’ll take your word for it.
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A good wallow in the cesspool of middle age sounds quite appeeling – more fun idling there than competing for the fountain of yoof!
Great stuff!
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Yeah, I think the fountain of yoof is overrated. There’s no way I want to deal with all that dark hair when I have this beautiful silver stuff now.
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I have a feeling that I can wait a few years until I take a sip out if that cesspool… but as long as there is no weird boy playing the banjo I think it could be a safe place to visit.
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Have a bowl of beans and sit in the pool. The banjo player will be by shortly.
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Really funny, great story!
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Just wait, you’ll be middle age someday.
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First a fountain of youth, then, according to your story, a cesspool of middle age. I’ve passed them both – what’s next? The swamp of senility? Can’t wait. Lots of fun, Russell.
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Ha, I love that, Margaret. Maybe Perry will write a story about that.
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First the fountain of youth, then the cesspool of midle age. I’ve passed them both – what’s next? The swamp of senility? Can’t wait. Fun story, Russell.
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That does seem like a natural progression. In fact, I think I already have one foot stuff in that swamp.
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So I posted the same comment twice. Now I know what the final stop is – the puddle of muddle.
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As I’m due to turn 40 in a couple of weeks time, I feel I have stumbled, or is that fallen head first, into the Cesspit of middle age. Nicely written piece that made me chuckle inside
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You’re still a young whipper-snapper, Weltchy. But the Cesspool of Middle Age will take care of that.
My wife, son, and brother all have April birthdays too. Happy 40th. Maybe they’ll throw you one of those Over-the-Hill parties. 🙂
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In some place far away I hear! Well happy birthday, if somewhat early to them
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Russell, I certainly understand why you are Dave Berry’s idol.
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Poor Dave. You’d think he’d find someone with more talent to worship.
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Russell, I bet Dave is a good judge of talent.
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Dear Russell, Great story and idea! Abe Vigoda – what an inspiration. Never a dull moment from you! Happy Spring! Nan
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I can’t take any credit for the idea, except the Abe Vigoda part. Happy Spring to you too. We’re excited about the prospect of sunshine and warmer weather.
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I have to admit I’m laughing even though I haven’t a clue what you’re on about. That makes me an idiot, I suppose, or just English (which probably covers both categories). And I clicked on the Abe Vigoda – whoever he is – link and woke my husband up. 🙂
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You look way too young to have felt the pain of Middle Age, but I’m glad you still got a chuckle out of it. Abe Vigoda is an older brother of Methuselah.
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I must be his long-lost older sister then. 🙂
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Nothing left to be said, which is what comes of struggling to get through a few more stories before the new round arrives tomorrow morning. I always wondered whether Methuselah was a first or last name and now I know–Methuselah Vigoda. Wow!
janet
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Thanks for stopping by, Janet. Abe is actually Methuselah Jr. Perry is Methuselah Sr.
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Fountain of youth, bah! But admittedly, I prefer to avoid cesspools of any sort!
Always clever and funny, Russell!
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Me too. Sewage is hard to wash off.
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Sticks in your hair! Or, so I hear… 😉
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