What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Three Blind Mice
Mushroom season has finally arrived in the Ozarks. No, I’m not talking about the hallucinogenic variety, but the edible members Morchella family known as Morels. You do not need a license or gun to hunt mushrooms, but it does require a great deal of skill, tactical maneuvering, and keen eyesight.
While mushrooms are not very fast runners, they have a highly developed 6th sense of recognizing the presence of humans. I recommend face paint and camouflage clothing if you hope to sneak up on one in the wild. Morels are wily creatures, born with the natural ability to hide in plain sight. Once spotted, they tend to “play possum” in hopes that you will not have them over for dinner.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our emcee of orneriness is Mae Westburg Wisoff-Fields, who invites you to “Come up and write for us sometime.” If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Homeland Security arrested three men Wednesday, April 1st, after an attempted robbery at Moe’s Radio & TV Repair.
One of the suspects, Biff Scallywag, worked part-time at the repair shop. The other two assailants entered the store at approximately 10am, brandishing water pistols and demanding an assortment of tubes, capacitors, and resistors.
Police captured them beneath a second-story doorway where they had fallen on their loot. Authorities believe the trio planned to build a radio activated nuclear device with the stolen parts.
“I’m relieved to have them in custody,” said H.S. Director Eyesmella Fink. “We’ve been after the Hole-in-the-Head Gang for some time.”
46 Comments on “Three Blind Mice”
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What's So Funny? 
Hilarious, Russell. Looks like the members of that gang weren’t the smartest terrorists around. They might have been of more danger to themselves than to us. 😀 — Suzanne
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I think you could refer to them as “sharp as a marble.”
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Or as my father used to say, “Sharp as a matzo ball.”
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Hilarioius! Mr. I Smell a Fink and Mr. Scalleywag. Hahaha!
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Yes, quite a pair, aren’t they?
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“Hole-in-the-Head” — Love that name
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Empty hole in the head might be a better description of them. 🙂
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If they were that inept at stealing just an assortment of tubes, capacitors, and resistors, one would love to see what they’d do to try to get hold of the components for the nuclear device. Hilarious as always, Russell.
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Just imagine, the Three Stooges building a A-Bomb. Thanks for stopping by, Lyn.
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Love the story, and as always, the hysterically brilliant names!!!
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I heard you once had a crush on a guy named Biff, so I included him in the story.
As for Eyesmella Fink, I really wanted to spell it – I. Spella Fink, but was already over the word count.
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Natural selection at work. Very fun piece.
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Natural selection? Well said, Alicia.
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I loved your intro this week better than your story, sorry but it’s true. I live where mushroom hunting is an art. I’ve been and know exactly what you mean when you say “born with the natural ability to hide in plain sight. Once spotted, they tend to “play possum” in hopes that you will not have them over for dinner” cause this is what happens when I hunt them. Fortunately I do not eat them and perhaps that is why I never became very good at this sport…ummm..art.
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I’m flattered that you enjoyed the intro. My wife is an excellent mushroom hunter and does a great job of cooking them as well. My specialty is eating them, and believe me, I can consume several at one sitting. Anyone can hunt, but few can find.
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True dat.
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what a big dumb-dumb. they forgot to bring their parachutes.
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They followed each other off the ledge like lemmings.
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They got the holes in their heads that they deserved, Russell, leaping before looking out that particular second-story doorway. I imagine that they landed one on top of the other, too.
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Exactly, they were piled up under the doorway. Also, their interpretation of “radio active” was a little off the mark.
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The gene pool is all the richer for their existence. Nice one Russell.
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Yes, Biff & Company made a big splash at the shallow end of the pool.
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Dear Biff,
You might just have outdone yourself with this story. Hole-in-the-Head Gang is priceless. So much said in so few words. I will laugh all the way to work.
Why don’t you come up and see me sometime. 😉
Shalom,
Mae
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Dear Mae Westburg,
Thanks for the invite. I just might do that. It’s always nice to see you and Jan. Will you be attending the OWL meetings in May or August?
– Biff
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Evolution in action.
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I hope they don’t lose their voting privileges.
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Marvelous take and enjoyed your intro just as much! I believe you have finally explained the elusive morel. It’s the only thing that makes sense!
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I can just see Elmer Fudd out mushroom hunting. Maybe I need one of those plaid hunting caps.
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Not the smartest of bananas are they? A very entertaining story!
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Nope. I’m not sure the elevator ever leaves the ground floor.
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Story and intro both funny this week. I think you and I could take out a mushroom as long as we used teamwork, strategy, and a female mushroom to distract them. As for the story, are the idiotic, inept, and moronic thieves based on us? And if not, why aren’t they?
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I like the idea of using a female mushroom to distract them. Now, if we can just find one to play along.
Well, of course the moronic thieves were patterned after us. You, Biff, were the mastermind of the hair-brained scheme.
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Such vivid detail, Russell. I almost thought they might get away with it. It was just a matter of time before the Hole-in-the-Head Gang would be caught. Your intro made me think of our mushrooms prompt except the Morels seem far more crafty.
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Biff & Co. almost pulled off the robbery, though I wonder how their nuclear device would have turned out.
Morels are extremely crafty. I chased down a dozen yesterday afternoon, but it wasn’t easy.
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Russell, you had me at Morels. My morals may be lacking, my morale may be low at times, but man do I love morels!
Honestly, each week it amazes me that you are able to find humor and whimsy in each photo prompt, Russell. You do that so well. I am duly impressed each story. Thanks for th smile.
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Aw, what a sweet thing to say. I’ll admit that this week’s photo was one of the more challenging I’ve tackled.
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Very funny, as usual, but I do wish your blog was easier to read! The whie on Lovat-green font is hell on my eyesight 😦
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Sorry about that. Perhaps I should invent a special kind of eyeglass, like the 3-D variety to filter the background and make it easier to read.
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Everyone knows that you need tin foil to make a nuclear devise. It channels the brain waves of the design team.
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Did you hear that, Perry? All we need is some tin foil.
Thanks, Tracey.
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Dear Russell, You are so funny – 3 blind mice don’t even see the steps are gone. They deserve to get caught – now – they will probably make a staircase out of Popsicle sticks from their deserts at lunchtime. You maka me lafff! Nan
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They get popsicles in jail? Heck, these guys will sign up for a life sentence.
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That was a lot of fun. Loved your names.
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We like fun. Glad you enjoyed Biff and Eyesmella.
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Another cracker of a story. I love that they fell on their loot – what a lumpy landing.
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Dear Russell,
I’m thinking these are the only guys Homeland Security could ever catch. Perhaps there’s a job waiting for you with them? Thanks for lightening the mood with your intro and story. Good luck with the mushrooms.
Was there a morel to your tale?
Aloha,
Doug
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