What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Barcelona Bombers
Peter Coyote will be at the Fayetteville Public Library Friday night. Rumor has it he came to town in search of humor writing tips for his next book. At the urging of Pen-L Publishing and my cousin, JB Hogan (whose new book, Living Behind Time, is zooming up the charts), I have agreed to attend and meet Mr. Coyote.
I assume Peter is hoping to capitalize on the same type of success as achieved by Dave Barry after our meeting two years ago. Since that time, all of Dave’s new books have debuted on the Best Seller list and even his older, less funny, material has experienced a bump in sales. I wish I could take credit for that, but I’m just too humble.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Headmistress and author of the soon-to-be-released novel, Please Say Kaddish For Me, is Danielle Steele Brown Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Khalid and Ramzi surveyed the growing crowd from a second-story window.
“We must be patient,” said Khalid. “Timing is critical.”
Ramzi nodded in agreement and shifted from one foot to another, anxious to begin the mission.
“Today the victory will be ours.” Khalid puffed out his chest. “You will bring honor and glory to your family and redeem the death of your brother.”
“Momar was a good egg.” Anger fed the hatred gnawing at Ramzi’s craw.
“There, the bald one. He is your target. Make the infidel pay.”
“I will teach him to fear the name, Ramzi bin al-Pigeon.”
55 Comments on “Barcelona Bombers”
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What's So Funny? 
LOL. This Ramzi bin al-Pigeon must be a reincarnated soul. Several of his cousins for some karmic reasons unknown to me ‘bombed’ my car couple of weeks ago…
Great Fun story!
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Ah, a successful mission. I think his older brother owns a car wash where you can have the “bomb residue” removed.
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Russell, I love how the conversation is “stiff” until Ramzi calls his brother a good egg. Cracked me up.
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Glad you didn’t splatter, Alicia.
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Congrats. on meeting Peter. I am sure he will be impressed with you, I sure was. He will be the winner in this meeting.
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I’m looking forward to it. I enjoy his narration work, especially on the Ken Burns stuff.
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Pidgeons regularly bomb my balcony. My cleaning lady gets out there and scrubs it down, but my husband’s caregiver says that brings the mosquitoes. It’s a vicious circle. Nature has it in for me. The enemies are winning. The pidgeons and mosquitoes have joined forces. Hilarious again, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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I hate mosquitos. Just thinking about those little blood-suckers makes me want to scratch the back of my elbows (their favorite feeding spot). Glad you found humor in it, Suzanne.
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Cracked up a little over this pigeon tail.
T
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Don’t look up with your mouth open, Tracey. We’re raising the terror warning to level Red.
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Fooled me to the very last line! Great job, except I was a little concerned maybe I was the bald one and for some reason I still don’t know exactly what a craw is. I hope Peter Coyote won’t be too nervous meeting you; I hate it when he starts stammering.
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At least you learned a new word. I hope Mr. Coyote doesn’t get something stuck in his craw. He’s an old hippie from what I understand. I guess that means he’s about your age, where as I am a young hippie-snapper.
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You are just a squirt hippie. I’d like to pull your ponytail down over your ears. If I’d changed my name to something like Coyote I’d be really successful too. Can’t you just see it – Perry Warthog? I’m afraid all the cool animals are taken. Say, Russell, I desperately need a comment at my latest non-FF post. I’m dying with it – as usual! So get on it and pretend to like it.
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Ha! Ha! Ha! I was in the dark until the last line. Funny stuff! 🙂
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I’m glad it made you laugh. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
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Dear Ramzi,
Soon the berries will be ripening on the trees and your miserable little relatives will leave purple splatters on my car. That’s one time I’m not addicted to purple.
Shalom,
Danielle…thanks for the plug. 😉
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Dear Danielle,
I’m shocked that you don’t like a purple polka-dotted car. Is it the pattern of the dots that you find disturbing? Mr. Coyote will be thrilled when he learns that I am acquainted with the most popular historian in the mid-west. Perhaps he will do the audio version of your book.
– Ramzi
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Dear Ramzi,
There’s something about the purple splatter patterned bird poop that turns me off. On the other hand, I’d love to have a purple metal flake paint job but the hubsand says no.
I’m sure Mr. Coyote will be impressed. 😉
Shalom,
Danielle
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Very funny story! Also enjoyed your intro. I’m sure you’ll give Mr. Coyote’s book the Russell “bump.” (OMG that sounds like a horrible disco dance.)
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I have been known to “bump” a few times Jan. So far, no complaints from my dance partner, although neither of us care for disco.
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I missed all the clues. I guess it was the anxiety the first part of the piece generated. Well done indeed. And, now it is funny.
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Thank you, Patrick. I’m glad the first part didn’t give away the punchline.
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I was expecting something completely different, and then I read “good egg” and thought that was a strange thing for an ethnic gentleman to say. Then I read “puffed out his chest” and my feathers began to ruffle as I became decidedly suspicious 😀
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Glad you caught the clues, Lyn. I was trying to be discreet.
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As the song goes “If I had the wings of a raven….”
Still laughing.
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I’ve always been partial to pigs with wings, but that’s just me.
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Police chopper?
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No, I was thinking more in terms of the Pink Floyd album.
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And I know how much that is going to hurt from a second storey window! Revenge is served.
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The splatter effect is what you really have to watch out for. There will be several people running to the dry cleaner after this attack.
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I knew they had a higher purpose with the bombing.. Usually the go for my car though.
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Better keep that hat on, Bjorn. In fact, a helmet might not be a bad idea.
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And I was picturing water balloons…oh well, there’s egg on my face now! Hey, hope Mr. Coyote howls at your humor tips! :0
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We’re hope his brother, Wile E., will be there too. I’ve always admired his work in the Roadrunner cartoons.
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Of course, he could be on the road… 😉
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And flatter than a pancake too. 🙂
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Loved this!
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Thank you, Dawn.
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Very funny. There’s bound to pigeons a plenty is this scene, swooping in on a target. I can imagine how critical timing must to get it just right. I guess it’s a good thing people are waiting in lie. Chances are looking good for them! So sad they lost a brother. I hope they get justice. 🙂
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I’m sure they ruin someone’s day. Did you ever see the scene in High Anxiety where the pigeons chased Mel Brooks through the park?
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No, I haven’t, Russell. Now I want to see it though!
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Ouch. Black humour at its best. We’ve just had a terrorist scare where I live, people were arrested, bomb was found in their home, largeish bike race was cancelled, so laughing doesn’t come easy right now, couldn’t help laughing about your story, though.
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With the way things are going, this was bound to hit close to someone’s home. Sorry it was yours. Glad it made you smile during a tense time.
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Russell, you are our hero – you make us laugh each week with you and Perry bantering back and forth. I’m going to look for the movie “High Anxiety” too! Nan
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Perry and I love what we do.
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As enjoyable to its end as politically incorrect so …
two thumbs up! Tay.
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Thanks, that’s the highest rating I’ve ever received. Sometimes I get two thumbs sideways, but never straight up. I’m honored.
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Oh my. I’m still chuckling. Love it.
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If a woodchuck could chuckle, how much chuckling would a woodchuck chuckle? A whole bunch I bet. Thanks, Margaret.
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Since when did you start writing horror, Russell? 🙂 I’ll have nightmares tonight recalling the fowl things of which pigeons are capable.
Fun stuff.
Cheers!
MG
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Fowl things? (groan)
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Ha! Ha! Careful there may be a stool pigeon listening in that reports them to the higher authorities (probably a pigeon hawk).
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Well, they do get most of their info from the internet. That’s where they learned the proper diet for optimum bomb making.
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How could I think you’d write something bloody and scary? Ewwww
Ellespeth
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I have a friend who is named Khalid. I send this to the family to read.
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