What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
A Genetic Anomaly
Have you ever noticed that when the highway department builds a new street they can’t wait to dig a ditch across it? Last year they added a new, one-mile extension onto the Don Tyson Parkway. The asphalt barely had time to cool and harden before crews were busy cutting little paths across it at irregular intervals.
There’s no evidence to indicate they were linking natural gas, water, or a subterranean crossing for blind, endangered termites from one side of the street to the other. Rumor has it the road was just too damn smooth and did not contain the required number of bumps, dips, and potholes per mile to satisfy the minimum standards of city code.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Director of Transportation for compact stories is Henrietta Ford Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Singh never fit in. Growing up, she was often ostracized by other children because of her physical appearance and unusual grooming habits. The problem grew even worse when she entered puberty.
“Why am I so different?” she asked her mother.
“I met your father while working as a cook for a logging camp in Oregon,” replied Jinghau Lync. “We had a short, but torrid affair. He would not leave the mountains, and I could not stay. His people, the sasquatch, would not accept me.”
“So, that’s how I came to be . . . .”
“Yes, my child. You are Miss Singh Lync.”
_________________________________________________
I apologize for not issuing a “groaner warning” in the intro of this week’s post. This story is the result of watching too many episodes of Fractured Fairy Tales and Aesop’s Fables on Bullwinkle & Rocky when I was a child. They’re right–TV really can warp your wind. There’s no telling what kind of stuff my grandchildren will write.
54 Comments on “A Genetic Anomaly”
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What's So Funny? 
Am I misssingh something here ? 🙂
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No, I think you hit every dip and chug-hole on road to horrific puns.
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Ha! We have a lot of sasquatch here in or Pacific Northwest forests. As far as I know, no one has mated with one. Torridly or otherwise. Now I know why. Thanks for providing the missingh link.
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Ah, come on Alicia. Doesn’t course back hair appeal to you?
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Groan, someone had to say it. I took one for the chain gang. We are bound by your humorous posts.
🙂
T
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You’re right. Someone had to say it. My other two options were a take-off on Chain of Fools or Paul Bunyan’s wallet chain. Neither of which had the appeal of Miss Singh Lync.
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Dear Big Foot,
I been workin’ on chain gang, goin’ down down…I had to hit my head on my desk three or four times after reading that. Perhaps Miss Lync could take up singing in thunderstomrs..then she’d be Singh in the rain.
Shalom,
Henrietta
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Dear Henrietta,
I think Ms. Lync has a great future both on stage and in films. I can just see her opposite Gene Kelly.
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Muahahaha. Groan. Chuckle. Loved it. And your roads seem to be like ours. Over here (Germany) they can’t wait until the road is built before they cut something out either. An international conspiracy, I’m telling you. Must be the NSA.
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Yes, I’m sure there’s an international code on the required number of bumps, dips, and holes per mile (or in your case, kilometer). Glad Ms. Lync gave you a groan.
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if anything, she could play for the wnba. she’d scare a lot of people and win some championships. 🙂
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Yes, she’d be an imposing figure on the court.
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I quite enjoy a good (are there really any good??) pun now and then. Especially when they involve Sasquatch.
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I agree, Jackie. BTW – you’re not that far from Sasquatch country are you? Ask Linda to draw a picture of Miss Lync for us.
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I think Miss Singh Lync may turn out to be just the woman for me. I love hair that’s braided all the way down the back with bangs that start at the navel. And can you imagine my progeny — Jewish Big Feet? At least that’s something that’s big and Jewish.
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It sounds like a match made in paradise, or at least Philadelphia. I imagine she’s got more chest hair than both of us combined. I’ll let her know you have a foot fetish. That should seal the deal.
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Haha. Oh, joy. Sasquatch needs love, too. Everybody needs love. A short, but torrid affair. Oh, I got a good laugh out of that one! This is great, Russell.
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Well, one of them was short. The Chinese woman probably looked like a midget compared to the Sasquatch. I’ll take a laugh over a groan any day.
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::fistshake:: Uncle Stanley, I told you to stop posting on other people’s blogs!
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Ha! Thanks, Dave. I need somebody to blame this one on.
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Oh my that last line…I could almost hear the single drummer’s badump dump.
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Yep, bad jokes need all the drum rolls and cymbal crashes they can find.
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Good grief! You ought to be arrested for a punchline like that. Chained up at least…
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Guilty as charged. I throw myself on the mercy of the court.
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I think I’m in love! You are the Punmeister. I bow to your punnines.
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I don’t always write puns, but when I do I write real groaners. Stay funny my friend.
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Well, that was a doozey!
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While I agree this was a bit of a groaner, Russell, the humor was well delivered this week. Fun stuff and a unique take on the prompt. Way to write away from the shackles.
All my best,
Marie Gail
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Thanks, MG. What a nice thing to say (blushing).
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I’m not sure which idea has my imagination working overtime – Miss Lync’s pain, or you with warped wind from watcning too much TV. (Australian vocab note: wind = gas) However, I loved your story, as usual.
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I regret that they don’t make cartoons today like they did in my childhood. I’ve watch several with my grandchildren and they lack the humor and strong writing that was so predominate fifty to sixty years ago.
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It’s even worse than my jokes: congratulations!
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Thanks, Mick. You set the bar really low, but somehow I managed to sink below it. 🙂
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Should have been a limbo dancer. 😉
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OMG that is really bad…almost so bad it’s good! Almost 😀
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Whew, that was close. Glad I didn’t cross over that line.
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I’m ashamed to say that it took me a few seconds to get this and when I finally did, I laughed like an Hyena on crack.
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I would have loved to have heard that. Extremely high pitch with an occasional snort I assume.
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More trapped in a bear trap with the occasional pleading whine. It’s quite a seductive laugh I think.
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Ha.. I can see the poor girl with jutting jaw a slanting brow.
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Shoe shopping may be a challenge too.
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Oh I am groaning so loud my side’s hurt. Terrible and funny.
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That’s what I was going for. Thanks, Joe.
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Dear god, Russell. That was a proper groanfest! Amusing as ever and well written nonetheless.
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That nonetheless doesn’t sound right. Where’s the edit button!!!!
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I guess it’s only available on my end. Nonetheless, I’m glad the story gave you a groan.
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She must be very charming.
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And a real looker too. If you like tall, hairy girls, that is.
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Groan! With that Chinese heritage and some martial arts skill she could have been a Kung Fu Singh girl.
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Yes, it imagine it was especially Kung Fu Singh to her during puberty.
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Russell, you’ve outdone yourself. Your humor wandered so far off the beaten path it ended up in Bigfoot territory. I wonder how many brushes Miss Lync uses up in a year. Maybe she could find love in another Bigfoot tribe. She’d probably be accepted a lot better than her mother. They say there’s someone out there for everyone, and she could learn to take pride in her father’s culture. Hilarious, Russell. I laughed out loud. 😀 — Suzanne.
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Thanks, Suzanne. Sometimes my brain wanders way off and my fingers keep typing. Glad you got a laugh out of it.
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That is too funny for words even though I suppressed the groan. Well done. 🙂
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Don’t suppress it, Irene. Let it go. Those can be dangerous if you let them build up.
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