What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Day After Undead Day
If you’re dropping by to read my take on this week’s photo prompt, I want to forewarn you, it’s a pretty morbid tale. Frankly, I’m embarrassed to even know an author who would stoop such lowbrow forms of entertainment.
Come Friday, I’ll be heading to the wilderness for “the meeting of the mindless,” better known as DEER CAMP. This twice-a-year event has little to do with deer hunting and is more concerned with 3,000-calorie meals, an adequate supply of beer, and good conversation.
If this is your first visit to the Friday Flash Fiction cemetery, we hope you’ll choose to become interred with us. To find out more about this FREE offer contact Morticia Adams Wisoff-Fields. To view the headstones of other FFF Authors click here.
Do you have a recently deceased loved one who refuses to stay in the grave?
Do they spend day after undead day wandering the neighborhood looking for someone’s head to bite off?
YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO COMPENSATION!
In the past year, thousands of American corpses were injected with a product from the Dominican Republic commonly known as “Uncle Sal’s Embalming Fluid and Furniture Polish Remover,” which impairs the ability to rest in peace.
At the law offices of McLively, Block, & Ayr, we give-a-damn about the rights of the undead.
You owe it to your loved one.
Call 1-ANO-BRA-INER
59 Comments on “Day After Undead Day”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Uncle Fester,
In reading this, I nearly spewed my breakfast on the screen. McLivey, Block and Ayr? Those names alone make me shudder. i saw a commercial for a law firm recently (true story) where they were advertising lawsuits for Mesothelioma. So help me, the announcer said, “If you or a loved one has died as a result…” It must’ve been M, B & A. This is seriously one of your most irreverent best stories.
Shalom,
Morticia
PS Thank you, Thing.
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Dearest Morticia,
Please accept my apologies for the near spewing of breakfast. It’s a good thing you didn’t choke or McLively, Block, & Ayr would have been on my back faster than a cat could lick it’s butt.
Evidently, the people in my story aren’t the only dead people looking for someone to sue. Boy, it’s hard to be original these days.
Uncle Fester
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I’ve seen the same commercial… seriously, these ambulance chasers kill me!
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You worry me.
Good piece.
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I hear that a lot. My cousin, JB Hogan, even likes to throw out the term “certifiable.” He tells me that’s a compliment, but then he’s a little crazy himself.
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Gotta love these lawyers. Now, where did I hear/see these names before? Must be all the advertising. 😉 Very funny, beginning to end.
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Their motto is, “We’re slow, but we’re expensive”
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This could have been straight from my television screen. Brilliant!
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Thank you, Sandra. Operators are standing by.
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Yes, certifiable is a compliment… enjoy your 3000 calorie snacks and beer. Do you actually feed the deer too?
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I’ve tried, but they’re all vegans. No interest whatsoever in biscuits and gravy.
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Bloody vegans – they’re everywhere…
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ha ha. Good one. How can I join this law practice as an intern? 🙂
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I believe Perry is in charge of the interview process.
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What can I say, Russell. You’ve outdone yourself. It’s heartwarming to know someone “gives a damn” about the undead. Need I say, “Well written?” :D—Suzanne
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Hopefully, they’ll be able to “rest in peace” after the settlement. Who says you can’t take it with you?
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It was the furniture polish remover that caused the problem – it makes coffins porous.
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Exactly. But you should see what it did for their complexion. Cleared those pimples right up.
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I’d really like to know more about this. But there’re no contact details given which has caused me stress. Get ready to be sued.
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Gee, the number is right there on the screen, Patrick. What do I have to do, dial it for you?
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That commercial is everywhere. I wonder how many people who have actually died of mesothelioma have called them? Your law firm should team up with theirs or would that be double-dipping with the undead?
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Nothing wrong with the dead double-dipping. From what I understand, they are having problems dialing in. Their fingers keep falling off when they try to push the buttons.
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I sense the prosthetics industry is about to get a boost then?
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Only if the insurance company says its covered.
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It’s only a matter of time… Great piece 😀
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. . . until you call?
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So funny and clever!
I hope you enjoy your week end of 3000 calorie meals 😛 I love a nice venison roast.
Ellespeth
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We’ll definitely have some fried tenderloin, but the sausage gravy alone is worth the trip.
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I absolutely love where your mind goes! “Uncle Sal’s Embalming Fluid and Furniture Polish Remover,” ~ snake oil for the dead, undead, oh! I mean dead. Whatever. Have a wonderful time chasing deer (or just watching them pass by.
on the way to the biscuits and gravy.)
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Thanks, Alicia. Funeral homes are trying to improve their margins by looking at lower-cost supplies. Unfortunately, this one didn’t work out too well for them.
I’ll also turn the Big Six-Oh while in the woods on Monday. I can’t think of a better way to spend a birthday.
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I wonder … what the FDA will do in such a scenario.
Great take.
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Deny any responsibility, I’m sure.
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🙂
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Well, someone has to look after the undead! You got just the team to do it. I’m sure you’re good hands with them, no doubt. Oh my goodness. Enjoy that meal!! Sounds fun.
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They’re a no-nonsense bunch, that’s for sure. I can’t wait to hear Perry calling one of the undead to the witness stand to give their testimony.
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Thanks, Russell. Well, you know kids are an honest bunch. They always keep me on my toes! So, is what Perry can look forward to? I think he’s in trouble.
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I personally do not care for the rights of the undead because there is no law yet to protect them. There is age, race, religion, gender, and so forth but no undead protected class. There is no same undead married law. But as a partner in McLively, Block, & Ayr, I’ll do my best to secure the best settlement for any undead clients I may have, just don’t ask me to spend the night with one. Allright, maybe with one.
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You are ridiculous. Seriously.
Tracey
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Well, someone needs to challenge that same-undead marriage law, and I think you three guys are just the ones to tackle it–all the way to the supreme court if necessary.
I hear those undead girls make for a pretty cold date. But hey, it’s only a one-nighter, right?
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Some women of a certain age might have peed their pants over this post. Not sure but it seems possible.
😘
Tracey
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That’s a sign of life. So far, none of the undead have relieved themselves on this site. I did have to shoo off a couple of dogs though.
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Now that we know what the cause is, maybe there’ll be an end to all the undead wandering through the halls of fiction. We can put a stop to it at last. I’m so glad you went public with this information.
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You’re right, Margaret. With McLively, Block, & Ayr on the case, I’m sure it will be handled in the next 12 to 15 years.
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the shot probably made them itchy. 🙂
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The thought of all that skin flaking off gives me the Willies.
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I support cremation.
And that’s final!
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Good call, Dawn.
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You do this so well darlin’! The company name alone is something to fear! 😉 Love the way you think Russell. Have a good time at Deer Camp. As a Bambi lover, I do hope you miss, but have fun nonetheless.
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Those who dare discriminate against the undead are trembling in the shoes over the prospect of facing Mick, Perry, & C.E. in the courtroom. I’d be scared in run into them in a public restroom.
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I dare not ask… 😉
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A bit of humor from a very serious photo prompt. I like that. I have cried enough through this entire FF challenge. Thank you for making my stomach hurt from laughing so much. Who says everything has to be morbid and sad?
Great …. Great …. Great !!!
Isadora 😎
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Thank you for the lovely compliment, Isadora.
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What next? A fashion line of undead wear?
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Great idea. Do you know some famous undead we could hire as models?
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There are plenty that are already brain dead. Will that count?
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I really should read your contribution before submitting mine. Maybe then I wouldn’t go so dark and gloomy! 🙂
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That just shows your versatility.
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🙂
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I’m not all that proficient in the use of my new Smartphone; I was reading your current post comments and my finger slipped somehow — back to Dec 2015.
Anyway, I’m happy to say that I am one of the Un-dead. I attribute this partly to the fact that I stay indoors during deer hunting season — when those crazy American hunters come up and shoot our cows, and possibly anything else that moves.
But I can’t say too much. When I was a teen and my Dad, I noticed he used the same equipment as needed for your deer camp: a mickey or three of whisky, a few cases a beer, and some rifles for ‘Firelight Show and Tell.” Male bonding, they call it nowadays. 🙂
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