What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Mount St. Molehill
The rain in Spain may fall mainly on the plain, but in Northwest Arkansas it falls on the hills and races down to flood the creeks (pronounced with a long E), wash out the roads, and confound the simple minded.
One thing that’s always baffled me is why they call these weather patterns El Nino and such. Why don’t they name them after evil step-mothers or school bullies? Here are a couple of suggestions, “The Scourge of Evelyn Jackson,” or “Billy Joe Bob Goes Postal.”
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the meteorologist whose weekly predictions are always on target is Alice Roker Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to take a stab at this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“I’ve been thinking about it, and maybe going to the opera isn’t such a bad idea after all.” Bob slid his arm around Celeste and gave her a hug.
“Trust me, you’ll have a great time. A little culture will do you good.”
“By the way, what’s that spot on your face?”
“Spot?” Celeste ran to the mirror. “Oh my God. It’s a huge zit.”
“Forget I mentioned it. It’s barely noticeable.”
“What do you mean? It looks like Mt. Everest. I can’t go out looking like this.”
(The next day at work)
“Hey, Bob, how was the opera last night?”
“I got out of it. Something came up.”
63 Comments on “Mount St. Molehill”
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What's So Funny? 
Did the mole still go?
Very funny Russ.
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Bob has been nominated for an Oscar for his role in “Let’s Go to the Opera.”
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Dear Stay-at-home-Bob,
In high school I had a hypochondriac Spanish teacher. All anyone had to do was say, “Mr. Scott, you’re kind of pale…” He’d be absent the next day. If a student was absent due to illness, he’d spray his or her chair with Lysol…pure fact no fiction.
Cagey move on Bob’s part. But poor Celeste. Bob should be throttled for his insensitive comment. Oh wait…he’s a guy. She should be horsewhipped within and inch of his worthless life. Great title.
Sitting here trying to stay warm in the frigid Midwest.
Shalom,
Alice R. Wisoff-Fields
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Dear Alice R.,
Poor Celeste is quite impressionable, isn’t she. I doubt she had far to run for a mirror as she seems consumed with her vanity. Bob pulled her strings, playing her like a marionette puppet. I’m sure he’d rather be horsewhipped than go to the opera.
Enjoy your ice and snow.
Stay-at-Home Bob
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Oh that Bob! What a wretch! Why is it guys have so much trouble just grinning and bearing one little thing for their sweetheart?
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I’m pleading the 5th on that one, Dale.
Like they say, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
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Good idea!
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Poor woman. Bob seems to know what she fears and uses it against her. You seem knowledgeable with that tactic, Russell. Leaves me wondering. Well dome. 🙂 — Suzanne
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I have no personal knowledge of those tactics. If so, I would write a book on the subject which would immediately become a best seller on the black market (under a fictitious name, of course).
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Well told tale of a nasty piece of work seriously lacking in kultyir n that.
What I don’t understand (about the topic under discussion only, life is too short to detail all my areas of incomprehension) is the apparent dislike of opera.
Okay, a lot of it is people singing in foreign, but nowadays you get supertitles for those too dim to read the program, Russell.
It is great fun.
And you get ice cream during the interval.
But only if you are good.
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I love ice cream (sounds like bribery), but being good for long periods of time is often difficult.
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I know!
And their idea of good is quite different from ours, right?
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Absolutely. Good is all in the perception.
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Actually though those supertitles mentioned above are a complete waste of time – not one single member of the audience joined in the one time I went to the opera in San Francisco.
Naughty tale you’ve got there Russell.
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Did you get a t-shirt that says, “I Survived the Opera” ?
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Well yeah, that’s Americans for you.
In Glasgow we dance in the aisles.
Vincero!
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I think it would be worth the trip to Glasgow just to see you dance in the aisles, C.E. 😉
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Ah, boo for Bob! That was a mean trick. Someone should tell Celeste about makup, perhaps. I had fun with the mean-ness.
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Not all of my characters have to be lovable. 🙂
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I’m sure Bob would have loved the opera… I think Celeste will find a proper come-back when he want to drag her to the football game 🙂
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That’s the difference between men and women. If she doesn’t want to go, he won’t pout or withhold sex. He’ll just say, “Fine,” and go with one of his buddies.
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Does any man withhold sex???
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That’s a rhetorical question, right? I’ll admit, it doesn’t seem to have the same leverage when we try it.
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the secret to a happy relationship. i want to call him tricky bob and i mean as a compliment. 🙂
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Bob may not be as clever as he thinks he is, but I’m sure he’d appreciate the compliment.
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What a hoot. A good ploy!
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That’s, Patrick.
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Vanity overwhelms culture – it was ever thus. Good one! 🙂
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Funny how that works, isn’t it?
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ha ha. I love the title. Good one. I have only heard portions of Opera on TV- not sure I’m up for that dose of culture either but I would surely try once.
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I suppose it would be better than a root canal without anesthesia, but not by much.
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Bob,
You wicked, wicked man. Nice take on the prompt.
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Bob is such a sensitive man. There’s no way he’d have let her embarrass herself in public with a pimple the size of a pinhead.
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So thoughtful. Lol
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And he missed out on the opera and everything! Oh, shucks. Celeste should take him to a marathon weekend-long opera now. Ha ha. Very funny, Russell.
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Oh, I’m sure she’ll try again once her complexion clears up.
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Very clever. But why do you keep telling me how disgusting I am? We’re not going to the opera.
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As long as you wear a long dress to hide those knobby knees and a heavy veil, we can go anywhere you want.
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How did Bob pull that off? Dr. Pimple’s magic zit inducer? He’s good, that Bob. And bad.
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Probably through her diet. I’m no doctor, but I understand certain foods (chocolate?) may induce them.
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So funny! A delightful take on the prompt
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Thank you, Alicia. No one has ever used the word delightful to describe my writing. I thought it was reserved for ice cream.
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A bit of humor in this tale. I do hope Celeste survived her drama. Too sad she couldn’t see past her vanity.
I enjoyed reading something uplifting. Thank you for writing this amusing story.
Isadora 😎
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I’m sure this pimple will haunt her for several days and postpone other trips as well. Let’s just hope it doesn’t leave a scar.
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😍
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We know these tricks..and yet, time and time again we succumb to them. Tsk tsk.
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And whose fault is that??
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We are the weaker sex.
There, I said it.
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Bob is quite devious. Perhaps Celeste should find a new partner for the opera next time.
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Bob is not mean-spirited. The opera is just not his mug of beer. Perhaps her girlfriend would like to go.
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🙂 Yes, Celeste definitely needs to find another opera partner.
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Cute tale of a man who knew how to manipulate to his advantage and a woman too vain. Made me laugh. 🙂
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Thank you, Susan. Laughs are what we’re after.
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He’s one tricky guy! I hope Celeste can get one back. 😀
Lily
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I’m sure she’ll make him pay, one way or another.
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What a clever guy Bob is, but poor Celeste! I remember, the night before I was getting married, I showed up at my soon to be husband’s family home. His little sister opened the door, and said: “Oh my God! You have a huge zit on your chin!” I was a mess right up to I do… and well, what an omen. I digress… Bob’s got some tact to work on. So does my SIL. 😉
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You have to admit, Bob was very subtle in his approach (unlike your SIL). However, he played her vanity like a finely tuned violin. Thanks for the personal history. Sounds like this story resonated with you. 🙂
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Subtle? Um, I beg to differ darlin’. 😉
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This is horrible! But funny. There is a struggle between my good and dark side. 😀
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Mine too. Be careful which one you feed.
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Your perfect record of amusing shorts remains unblemished! 😉
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Until today.
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Nothing lasts forever, right?
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