What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Jingle Magic
Tomorrow, I have a couple of medical appointments. Dr. Connie has made arrangements for MRI scan of my brain. The last time they did this procedure, May of 2010, doctors discovered cave drawings of primitive hunters gorging themselves on buffalo fat laced with Cialis. Unfortunately, ancient man had no bath tubs, but the images did reveal males and females sitting next to each other in his & hers mud puddles.
Afterwards, I’m scheduled for a carotid ultrasound to see if there’s any blood getting to my brain. Many of you who are regular readers of this blog have often expressed concern about the inner working of my brain, or lack thereof. These tests will likely confirm your suspicions.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Surgeon General who has issued a mental health warning regarding the post below is C. Evelyn Croup Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the fashionable hairstyles of the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Hello, boys and girls. Welcome to The Jingle Writer. This week we’ll learn how to work “Jingle Magic” for products no one wants to buy, but everyone needs in their medicine cabinet.
Finding words that rhyme with the product name can be tricky. In those cases, focus on the intended benefits and add a cheerful melody.
If there’s poison in your soup
And it’s either die or puke
Grab a bottle, drink it fast
Sandra’s Syrup of Ip-e-cac
Here’s another example;
When lame humor stories
Become a pain in the behind
Insert a Block Suppository
And ease your troubled mind.
Today’s post sponsored by;
Sandra’s Syrup of Ipecac ~ Sweet, yet extremely unsettling
Block’s Suppositories ~ Tapered, for Fast Relief
41 Comments on “Jingle Magic”
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What's So Funny? 
You have nailed the “crude juvenile humor” genre 🙂 LOL. Enjoyed the Jingle and the introduction.
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Some things just come naturally (see the section regarding my brain in the intro).
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Dear Bo Jangles-My-Nerves.
Will that Block Suppository be followed by a spoonful of Perry-Goric? I’m sure Sandra will be close to Up and Chuck as she reads.
Best wishes to you and Dr. Connie in your upcoming scan. Hope they don’t find anything other than the sawdust we already know is there. Now I shall go ponder…why separate bathtubs?
Shalom,
C. Evelyn Croup (C. Spot Poop?)
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Dear C. Evelyn (or C. Spot),
You’re in top form today. You ought to be on the stage–I hear there’s one leaving in ten minutes. They’ve scanned my brain before and the doctors words were (and I quote), “Nothing to see here.” However, they do tend to get excited about the billing part as it should cover the payment for their beach house in Honduras. As for the separate tubs . . . I don’t get that either.
Tunefully yours,
Mr. Bo Jingles
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i won’t be surprised if ‘jingle magic’ was triggered by your anxiety about your coming medical exams. hope everything goes well. 🙂
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None of the tests call for the use of a rectal probe, so I’m not too concerned.
Thanks for the good wishes.
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Thanks for the plug, Russell. Oh sorry, it was the syrup you attributed to me, not the other. Good luck with your up-coming brain searches. Maybe they’ll hit pay-dirt this time and mine the seam – it would be 18 carat humour that’s for sure.
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I thought I’d give you the clean end and let Perry do the dirty work, Sandra.
The doctors have assured me that if there’s anything in there the size of a BB they can take a picture to prove its existence. Perhaps they should look lower. I’ve been told on some men it’s found below the waist.
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Hope all goes well with the brain scan, Russell. Just think how happy the doctors will be in their beach houses. Hilarious stuff. I have a feeling the cave men deserve more credit than we’ve given them for being the first to think of many things we believe we were the first to discover. 😀 — Suzanne
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I don’t mind the doctor having a beach house. I just wish he’d let me use it on the days he’s bilking other patients.
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Two moving pieces of verse, though rhyming cac with puke is a stretch.
Hope the MRI goes well.
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In the first jingle, lines 1 & 2 rhyme and 3 & 4. In the second one, it’s 1 & 3 and 2 & 4. They sound a whole lot better when you add a bouncy melody.
I survived the MRI and was told I should at least live past supper tonight. No luck finding my brain.
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Ouch – I have to say your adds is far better than most I have seen recently – more rhymes in jingles get access to my wallet..
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So, what are you saying? You’re NOT going to buy Sandra’s Syrup of Ipecac or Perry’s Suppositories? They paid good money for these quality jingles, mister. Somebody needs to buy, buy, buy!
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Sure.. How about free shipping ?
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Ask Perry about the Free Trial Offer. If not completely satisfied, return your suppository for a full refund.
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Very funny.
Loved the jingles
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Feel free to sing along, and remember these products the next time you go to the store.
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I bet they charge admission for the show in your head! 😉
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That’s a good idea, Patti. They should be paying ME instead of the other way around.
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Yes, Block’s Suppositories are tapered, all right. Very tapered. Very sleek. There,I got it in you when you weren’t even looking! Want to know what makes them work so well? Extract of Gerbil, my own secret recipe. You’re going to be on the toilet for the next couple of hours so make sure and take my blog in with you. No, you can’t use a blog as toilet paper! .
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Painless, and can be worn with Depends. If you see someone walking through the mall with a big smile on their face, you can bet their enjoying a Block Suppository while they shop.
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All the best for your medical. Enjoyed the humor.
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Thanks, Yarnspinner.
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Your poor wife. lol
(Hope the testing is as benign as you make it sound)
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Be-eight, be-nine, be-ten, we’ll see how it shakes out. It takes a while to count to be-sixty.
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LOL, on all of it, intro, jingles, comments. I bet a glimpse into your brain leaves the doctor rolling on the floor. They should pay you…
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You got that right. It’s not often you can find a brain like mine–they’ll need a microscope.
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Nah. Instead of neurons, you have humourons in there.
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Personally, I’ve always wanted to take a mud bath. I think jingle is your middle name, Russell. So funny. Hope all goes well with the doc! Thinking good thoughts for you and your brain.
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I appreciate that, Amy. Any thoughts from my brain would be a scientific breakthrough.
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Oh Lawsy, Lawsy, Lawsy!
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I’m not sure how to respond to that. Are you from southern Canada? Eh?
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Ah don’t thank so…
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I knew y’all was one of us.
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Those jingles are prize-winning stuff. Sit back now and wait to be inundated with job offers from the advertising industry. Maybe the scans will discover the secret to your genius.
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Thanks, Margaret. Anyone can sing about sodas and candy bars. Singing about adult diapers and sock garters is much more challenging.
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Brilliant, I hope they leave your brain just the way it is. Perhaps, when you feel like a change you and Perry could entertain us with a double act, which will undoubtedly be hilarious.
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Thank you, Dee. Perry and I are the Harry & Lloyd (Dumb & Dumber) of the blog world. I think we earned the title because no one else wanted it.
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Hillarious as ever, both your introduction and your story. Sending all my positive energy!
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Nothing wrong with your brain, so if the scan comes back wonky, have them check their equipment. 🙂
As for the jingles, too bad Mad Men is over. Maybe they can do a spin off…Mad Man? 😉
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