What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Conserving Energy
Rather than warm up an old post from 2012, I decided to conserve even more energy and clip an excerpt from an already completed story. This week’s offering comes from my yet to be published essay entitled, “The Seven Six Habits of Highly Effective Procrastinators.”
Today’s lesson comes from Habit 5 – Natural Slothness. Even a novice procrastinator can achieve mediocrity by applying the Goldilocks Principle. Everything is either too hot or too cold, too hard or too soft, too fast or too slow, too big or too small—you get the picture.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the master story teller who always keeps a fable on her table, is Mother Goose Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the not-made-for-TV avatars of the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
With regular practice, the Goldilocks principle can become a key element in your daily routine.
If you drink coffee or tea, it may require hundreds of trials before achieving the optimum strength and bite of the brew. Then, consider the endless variety of additives. Perhaps you enjoy cream, sugar, honey, or a healthy shot of bourbon to enhance the flavor.
One morning, it took three of us Master Procrastinators four hours to perfect the ultimate blend of Irish Coffee.
I can’t remember what we did to celebrate this achievement, but was told later that I had a really good time.
52 Comments on “Conserving Energy”
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What's So Funny? 
Dear Master Crastinator.
I can’t help but think about Joe Walsh who said they tell him he had a good time in the 70’s, It’s a good week to recharge the batteries and visit the oldies. A fun revisit.
Shalom,
Mother Goose.
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Dear Mother Goose,
I don’t always trust the testimony of friends as they tend to embellish the story and add embarrassing details I’d rather they leave out. It is fun to go back and read those old posts, but thought I’d give you a sneak peak at another story from my next book.
Who knows when it’ll come out. Maybe I’ll get it finished someday,
Goldilocks, P.M. (Master Procrastinator)
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I usually stick with the “why do today what you can put off until tomorrow” approach, and when tomorrow shows its ugly face I reapply the same principle. I’m still working on that time machine I started designing 20 years ago. So far I haven’t gotten past a crude drawing on a napkin. Just think of the endless procrastination loop you could lock yourself in if you had a time machine. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow, but probably not.
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Wow, you must have read my thesis. That quote is straight off page 2. The good thing about projects like the time machine is they’ll always be there to put off until another day. No need to rush. Good things never come to those who don’t wait.
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Russell, I’ll drink to that … tomorrow.
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We have to draw the line somewhere, Virginia. Drinking is vital to the economy. Just think of all the poor saps who work in the alcohol beverage industry. It would be selfish of you to crush their hopes and dreams by waiting until tomorrow. Drink up. We won’t kick you out of the Procrastinators Union.
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I started laughing at the score through of ‘Seven’ and will let you know if or when I stop.
Or later, whichever doesn’t come first.
Do you know that in Scotland’s evenly-paced Western Isles there are only 3 measurements of time?
A minute, which means the foreseeable future.
A bit, which is less definitive, but probably during our lifetime.
A while, which loosely translates as Never.
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“A while” fits in nicely with my philosophy. My maternal grandfather’s last name was Scott, so I’m sure to have some of that in my bloodline.
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learnt a few new things, thanks
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Great. This is not advertised as an educational blog, but as we say in the South, even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.
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I am pretty pro castination myself. I’ll post the rest of my comment tomorrow.
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Great. I’ll read it sometime next week.
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I love it and, being a pro procrastinator myself, have yet to learn that Goldilocks approach. It does sound exhausting. I added it to my calendar.
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Ah, you’re one of those folks who put the “Pro” in procrastination. I’ve seen the T-shirts.
Please generally have to time me with calendar.
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Ah, Perry. I can see you’re procrastinating on posting a comment. Take your time. No need to hurry. I’m only getting older by the second.
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I was going to comment yesterday, but I thought I’d leave it till later. Now that it’s later, I might just give it another day and see how I feel tomorrow.
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Good for you, Sandra. I can see you’ve had some experience at this procrastination thing.
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We should do something… Unite the procrastinators of the world… imagine the power… imagine the energy… let’s unite on the 3 principles or so… we can start tomorrow, or maybe the day after… we should just wait a while…
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From what I understand, several large conferences have been scheduled to assemble procrastinators around the world, but every one has been postponed until a later date.
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That was massively fun and funny!
And it speaks eloquently to my condition as an eternal procrastinator.
(And I DO wonder what that drink contained … hmmm? Battery juice?)
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A good dose of Irish Whiskey I suspect.
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Haha!
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Remember, Goldilocks was a nymphomaniac because she liked sleeping in other people’s beds. As for her principal, I don’t think he’s teaching anymore.
Great reading the good humor stuff, Russell!
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If she was a nymphomaniac, she would be extremely difficult to please and your love making techniques under constant scrutiny. I’m not sure even Donald Trump could keep her satisfied.
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I am a highly effective procrastinator so I can really relate to this principle. I think I will put it to the test; sometime, soon.
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Take you time, no need to rush.
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LOL…good thing.
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Dang! I’m the polar opposite of a procrastinator. My excuse? A father who was a hydraulic engineer and a mother who was a librarian. Everything needed to click right along, no mess-ups, no excuses. Therefore, I arrive at appointments 1/2 early, finish projects a day ahead. If I can enroll in your procrastination school, let me know.
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Oh, you poor girl. I’m so sorry.
If you’d like a copy of the entire manuscript on the Habits of Effective Procrastinators, just send an email to Russell.Gayer@tyson.com
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The art of the brew is patience! Procrastinators have a natural advantage here 😉
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Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more.
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if you can’t remember what you did to celebrate, perhaps you can check it on facebook or youtube. 🙂
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Now, that’s a scary thought.
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I really like that “Highway to Kevin.”
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Thanks. It’s not as good as the Cesspool of Middle Age, but so what. Sue me.
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Ha! This is great, Russell. I’m sure I would be (am) right at home with the Goldilocks’ approach. Sure, I also call it the creative approach. Loved the story and I’d like to read all of it. It feels good to rest a bit, too, and have a story ready for the prompt. I know I rather enjoyed that this week. 🙂
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I like rerun weeks too. It gives me more time to work on a longer story that I’m striving to finishing in this decade.
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Yes! I know what you mean.
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I’m not a procrastinator and I’ll prove it…one day…
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Brush the cob webs off me every now and then while we’re waiting.
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If you’re going to do something, do it right. That’s my motto!
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Amen. I don’t care how many tries it takes, that Irish Coffee has to be just right. The Goldilocks Principle will not allow accepting anything less.
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I was going to laugh but decided to go and make some Irish coffee. Then, I realized I don’t know what’s in it.
I googled it – Irish coffee (Irish: caife Gaelach) is a cocktail consisting of hot coffee, Irish whiskey, and sugar (some recipes specify that brown sugar should be used[1]), stirred, and topped with thick cream. The coffee is drunk through the cream. The original recipe explicitly uses cream that has not been whipped, although drinks made with whipped cream are often sold as “Irish coffee – I went off to find the ingredients. I found I had none. I have scotch, vodka and Bailey’s Irish cream.
I the coffee witht he Irish cream. I didn’t add sugar it was sweet enough and no cream- had none. I think I created a new recipe. 😳
Now, I’m back after 2 cups but I can’t recall what I was supposed to do. 🙄
I have to re-read this now. I’ll be back. I think. 😵
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Good for you, Isadora. I personally don’t like a lot of sweetness in mine, just enough to knock the edge off the coffee and whiskey. I suggest you have another cup while contemplating what to do next.
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LOL … I’m thinking I should buy Chivas Regal for the next time I decide to make it. 😬
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Hi, Russell, is it? I’m happy to meet you.
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And you are . . . Larry??? No, Perry, that’s right. I’ve seen your face all over the internet and I hear your phone number listed on the wall of ladies rooms across the country under the Do Not Call registry.
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That’s a club I’d like to join! I could use a good Irish coffee right now… or, maybe it’s exactly what I don’t need, but I’m erring on the side of the first! Love your habit #5, Russell!
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Better sorry than safe, Dawn. That’s what I always say. Cheers to the Irish.
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It does get tiresome sometimes when people keep telling you about deadlines. I often prefer the thrill of waiting until the last moment, then panicking. It’s habit-forming in time–if you do it enough. Hilarious, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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I know some people who get a project done 30 minutes after it’s assigned. What fun is that?
Thanks for your comment, Suzanne.
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