Russell Gayer, author speaker
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
Stories From Within
Finding ways to make words sparkle
This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
All the Blogging That's Fit To Print
AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
A Humor Blog
Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind
Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!
An author's perspective of mystery and more.
And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
Dear Pill Buried Dough Boy
They’re only old if you’ve heard them, right? I love Irritable Vowel Syndrome. A real hare raiser of a story.
Shalom,
Joan Collins Wisoff-Fields
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Dear Jackie,
Are you masquerading under your sister’s name, or did you have an attack of IVS while typing your comment?
You’re right about the old joke. But after a certain age (and considerable memory loss) they’re all new again. Perhaps you could bake a batch for Kent. No one would be the wiser.
Pants on Fire
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To quote Kent, hahahahahahahahahahahaha
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I heard that …!
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I have actually HAD IVS before … when I studied Hebrew. Of course, Queen Jackie (yes, JACKIE!) knows how to read it without vowels. She also can handle chopsticks.
Yes, I have heard this “story” before, but wisdom always reigns supreme in these. And, yes, I did laugh! You are always fun to read each week.
The Jester.
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Dear Jester,
Thanks for wading in on this argument. I can see how IVS would be ten times worse in Hebrew. Poor Jackie is still recovering from her celebrity book launch event, so I’ll cut her some slack on not remembering which Collins sister she is. I don’t want her to chop me with her sticks.
Glad you enjoyed the recycled punch line. I always appreciate your comments.
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Dear Jester and POF,
Pobody’s Nerfect. Sometimes it’s difficult to keep track of who I am from week to week. It’s a tough burden to carry, but somebody has to do it. Right? Of course right! And to those who dare to eat Asian food with a fork, you’re just WRONG!
shalom,
Jackie…or …?
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I can understand why you have an identity crisis. Like I told Kent that time at OWL, it takes longer to figure who you are each week than to write the rest of the post. It is a tough job and very demanding work, but the public has come to expect it, so alas, we must carry on.
As for eating with a fork, Connie does not allow me to feed myself with any instrument that has sharp points on the end unless covered with a cork. Eating Asian noodles with a spoon is a little bit challenging, but it works well with the rice.
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You are appreciated. We all need to get back together in Branson again for OWL or something.
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I’d like that. Are you considering going in May?
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It’s possible.
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All I can say is that I am humbled by your use of the English language, and entertained by your humor folks.
Greg
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I’m glad you found it amusing, Greg. I appreciate you reading and leaving a comment.
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ha ha. I too get a bout of IVS somedays…but our dear Jackie C comes to the rescue with wipes…er..corrections 🙂
Enjoyed your humor as always.
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I struggle with getting words on paper (and the computer screen). The letters are always so darned uncooperative. I mean one thing and they spell something totally different.
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if the company is still around, it must have happened before frivolous lawsuits and otherwise became fashionable.
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It all depends on how you market the product. I’m sure there are plenty of health benefits to “smart pills” beyond the fact that they increase your IQ.
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I want to know how he recognized that flavor.
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From an old family recipe. One his mother in-law used to fix every time she came to visit.
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Pattisj has a point, you know. Look forward to hearing from you.
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You may remember the old Cheech & Chong tale where the story line went: Looks like shit, smells like shit, tastes like shit——good thing we didn’t step in it.
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My IVS is under control… but now i have constant consonant constipation … incurable tics that make me long to learn to speak Welsh…
I think I might have eaten those cookies… I feel quite smart some days.
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I love that Consonant Constipation. I may have to write a follow-up to IVS.
As for the cookies, a little mouthwash will help flush the residue from between your teeth.
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I’ve heard this punchline in a joke before, but in another context.
Very clever! And funny!
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Yeah, nothing original here this week. It was a difficult prompt for humor, so I took the lazy-man’s way out.
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🙂 It was still fun! 🙂
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Good. There’s a reason old jokes hang on forever. You may have heard them 20 times, but they still make you smile.
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that’s one would call a real funny story, even the reader becomes smart
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Good. Now, I can classify this post as an educational blog.
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We used to use pebbles for smart pills because we didn’t have rabbits.
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I bet that was rough on the teeth, and the digestive tract. At least it kept the dentist in work.
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Hehehehe. My first thought after reading was the same as pattisj’s. I bet he talked to my dog though. She loves rabbit shit so much that we were thinking of picking the pellets up and selling them as dog treats. 😉 And no wonder Joan answers, how could Jackie possibly do that, from the beyond?
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That must be one smart dog.
Yeah, I knew Jackie was on the other side, but that shouldn’t be a problem for our fearless leader.
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Of course not. 😀
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You make me laugh, Russell. Raisins ruin everything although I’ve come to tolerate them. Cookies are really the only place I will allow them. Fun story, dough boy! I can’t resist.
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Just call me Poppin’ Fresh. You might try “smart pills” as mini meatballs in spaghetti. I think that’s what they used in canned Chef Boyardee.
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I don’t think I will ever eat another raisin cookie.
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Then feel free to try one of my chocolate chip cookies. They’re made from a secret family recipe.
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LOL..uh oh…I am a sucker for chocolate chips…
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I think the cure for Irritable Vowel Syndrome is textual healing.
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Maybe I’ll try that, but texting is challenging enough without using vowels. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.
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I can see how irritable vowel syndrome could get nasty. Grammarly insisted I change the word “vowel”. I told it to “ignore”. Poor thing is having a grammar breakdown. I hope your speech went well, Russell. Are you writing the short story in a new book? All the best if you are. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Irritable Vowel Syndrome is a short story in my first book. The 2nd book is about halfway finished. The story I’m working on now is One Idiot Short of a Village. It’s taking longer to tell the story than I originally anticipated. Who knows, it may be a novella all its own.
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