What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Blind in One Ear
How many of you remember sonic booms? If you do, all I’ve got to say is, “Damn, you’re old.”
I’m not sure what year they outlawed planes breaking the sound barrier (maybe one of our History Detectives will reveal the date in the comments section), but those earth-shattering explosions in the sky would rattle windows for miles around—much like a former co-worker of mine when he “broke wind.”
I’m not blaming my hearing loss on either of those events. A recent accident at the Ear, Nose, & Throat Clinic has left me with a hole in my right eardrum. Now, I’m the proverbial old man who’s blind in one ear and can’t see out of the other.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the talented artist who can teach you to color outside the lines is Binney-Smith Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to dip your toe in this brave new venture, visit her site and follow the step-by-step instructions. To view the kaleidoscope of writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Grandma, do you know what happened to my crayons?”
“Uncle Kent got an adult coloring book today. You should’ve seen him. He was so excited. He grabbed your crayons and ran outside.”
“I saw the book, but why did he—”
“You know, therapists say creating artwork can help adults explore their feelings, reconcile emotional conflicts, foster self-awareness, manage behavior and addictions, develop social skills, improve reality orientation, reduce anxiety and increase self-esteem.”
“When I see him, Uncle Kent’s gonna get a dose of reality orientation.”
“Why do you say that, Sweetheart?”
“He chewed the wrapper off every crayon.”
67 Comments on “Blind in One Ear”
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What's So Funny? 
LOL! I was coloring with 3 year old Great grand earlier this week. She was demanding to take the wrappers off. (at least she has passed eating them)
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There’s something about crayons that makes people want to undress them. I don’t know what it is, but it seems to be a universal craving.
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Dear Crayola,
You really have to watch Uncle Kent these days. It could be that he’s not getting enough fiber in his diet. Colorful story. Meanwhile I’m keeping a close watch on my crayons. Yep, I have the box with the sharpener.
Shalom,
Binney
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PS I do remember sonic booms.
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And smoking bananas.
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You think THAT was weird? You should have seen my collection of Fanny Hill Connect-The-Dots books.
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You sir, are incorrigible.
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Also the Tropic Of Capricorn pop-up books.
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Dear Binney,
I pictured you as one who keeps their crayons honed to a point. Artists are usually very particular about their tools. I think it’s the waxy flavor that appeals to Uncle Kent. I hope he doesn’t get Forest Green stuck between his teeth.
Color me tickled pink,
Crayola
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I don’t know how this comment got way down here. It must have been the banana peels.
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He needs more greens!
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I think you’re right.
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Not too old but I remember sonic booms lol. Cute little story by the way 🙂
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I’m not too old either. In fact, just barely beyond puberty.
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😀 I believe you 😉 lol
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Uncle Kent! Oh well, as long as your not color blind – you can use them in art work! Cute story Russell! Have a good Spring! Nan.
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Those Crayolas tasted better than the chocolate ones, believe me.
How are you doing, Nan? Been a long time, neighbor! 😀
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Kent,
You should invite Nan & Mike over for a crayon chewing party. I can see this sparking a new kind of social event. Non-profits could even start throwing such parties for fund raisers. You’re really onto something here.
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I should think so. Too bad Perry is far away, but who wants to invite him anyway?
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I’d love to have Perry come, but I don’t think he ever travels much farther than the mailbox.
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My dad told me the same thing about himself. No kidding. 😀
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I’m thinking about getting one of those adult swear word costing books it might add something to my colorful vocab. Well, maybe.
T
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I saw those online. I think you only need one color for those–RED. And don’t worry about staying within the lines.
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I’ve ordered mine!!! 😉
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*coloring book
#%^+ you autocorrect
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Looks like it’s working already.
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I got myself an adult comic book but I had a little trouble coloring inside the lines. Some of the crayon got on my neighbor. At least I didn’t eat any of the crayons, although the yellow was tempting because it reminded me of a banana, favorite food of old guys. I think Uncle Kent ought to stick to taking the pictures and not coloring them in.
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I thought the yellow looked enticing too. I laid it on the counter hoping it would ripen some more, but it’s still hard as a rock. Plus, it doesn’t peel very easy.
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I wonder if this isn’t a true story? It is so, so plausible!
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If you don’t believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it, too. I was definitely in school girl giddy mode. Loved it, Russell! 😀
Now, if I could only quit defecating in primary colors …
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Disregard this last comment. It was meant for Russel who has made me very crazy .. again.
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I heard that. Out of my good blind ear.
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Badda-BING!
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Ha ha, made me chuckle out loud 🙂
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Did it make you want to get your own coloring book?
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No. It made me want to eat crayons 😉
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I hear they’re good with peanut butter on top.
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If you don’t believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it, too. I was definitely in school girl giddy mode. Loved it, Russell! 😀
Now, if I could only quit defecating in primary colors …
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So, it’s true? You really do have rainbow skid marks in your boxers?
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HAHAHAHAHA! Almost Jackson Pollock in appearance.
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if anything, i hope he didn’t suffer indigestion.
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Nah, they’re non-toxic and mostly wax. More apt to get diarrhea than anything.
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I remember sonic booms. 😦
That granddaughter is a smart kid. Hilarious story (and everything that goes with it). 🙂
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Cute story. I need to tell those reasons for adults to color to my acholic friend. I remember when the planes made so much noise landing and taking off at JFK. When was about 5 miles from me. As kids we stopped to watch the planes as the rattled pass.
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We lived close to the train tracks once. It came through about midnight every night. The first two nights, the vibration almost shook us out of bed. We soon got used to it.
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You had that therapist jargon off like a pro… Are you sure there’s not something you’re hiding from us?
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You should know we well enough to realize that “copy & paste” are the best friends to a lazy guy like me.
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Ha.. I think we need to retrograde to toddlers every now and then.. I’m sure that a healthy dose of crayon wrapper will work wonders for social skills.
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Perhaps Kent will host a crayon chewing party. Wouldn’t that be fun?
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You start with primal screams and follow up with crayon chewing – great idea
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Why is it we want to undress the crayon? Then I get mad because I don’t have the “official” name of said colour afterwards… Hmmm… Bad uncle Kent!!
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I never really thought of it as undressing them. Is that how you tell if they’re a boy or a girl?
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Ha ha ha!!! Hmmm…good question.
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Must say I was very disappointed when I bought an adult colouring book. I took off and locked myself into a room and with trembling hands opened the book and what the fudge? Nothing adult about that book, I am thinking of launching a class action suit against the publishers.
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Amen. Someone ought to sue them for false advertising. Had you planned to color the naughty parts hot pink?
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Undressing crayons, huh? lol
Now about that ear…yowzer!
I hope you are healing comfortably.
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We’ll see how much the graft hurts. The doctor says it will take a month to heal from that. No date set for that procedure as of yet.
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I had a blister on my eardrum once and I remember how painful it was. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope the damage is minimal.
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Thanks, Dawn. I appreciate that.
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If I get an adult coloring book, I think I’ll use colored pencils. I had my fill of crayons years ago. Also, pencils don’t melt if you forget and leave them in the sun. 😀 — Suzanne
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That’s true. Plus, you can chew on them all you want and still see what color they are.
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I often wondered where the wrapper got to. I always thought that they looked better dressed, but
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You know, my wife says the same thing about me.
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We used to have Concorde pass overhead. You’d know they were there by the sonic boom even if you couldn’t always see them because of the clouds.
I hope your ear gets better soon, I put a hole in my eardrum when I was about 10. I was cleaning my ear with a cotton bud and a song I liked came on the radio so I started dancing with the cotton bud still in my ear. The song went ‘hands up, baby hands up’ so you can see how it all went horribly wrong! All I really remember is blood, pain and crying in doctor’s surgery because he said I couldn’t go swimming for three months! Anyway, it healed up and my hearing came back nearly all the way.
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Ouch! Your ear story hurts just to read it. I’m glad it healed nicely with minimal hearing loss.
And thanks for the kind wishes in regard to mine. 🙂
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I’d say Uncle Kent is in for an earful from ‘Sweetheart’. I hope he feels duly chastised when it’s done, and mends his ways. This is a very funny story, Russell, as usual. I hope your eardrum can be mended quickly. Poor you.
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Maybe he’ll buy her a new box of crayons if she makes him feel guilty enough. I really enjoyed your story this week, Margaret. It was funny.
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