What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Running of the Spiders
Here’s my offering from October 2012. It’s a mix of Alfred Hitchcock and Mel Brooks. It won’t make you spew coffee through your nose, but you might look over your shoulder.
Since that time, I’ve also written a longer story entitled “Running of the Chickens” which will be included in my next book. It includes a scene that features the running of the boneless chickens, a real terror if there ever was one. It makes chicken bumps rise on my skin just to think about it.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the politician who is running for the county line is Charlotte Webinski Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Lucinda had always been afraid of spiders. Therapists suggested a variety of treatments including hypnosis. Nothing worked. The only way to overcome arachnophobia was to face her fear.
The streets of Pamplona were empty the day before its lesser-known festival. Lucinda thought it wise to familiarize herself with the course prior to the event.
The white stucco walls bore evidence of past participants attempting to escape the terror. Broken fingernails and dried blood stains littered her path.
Something moved behind her. A cold shiver raced down her spine. A lone gossamer strand trembled in the breeze.
“Mañana, Lucinda,” it whispered. “Mañana”
44 Comments on “Running of the Spiders”
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What's So Funny? 
I can do a weeks worth of cardio fitness when I run into a spider web. I’m glad the spiders don’t call my name. Eeeek
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Perhaps you should corral a few and open a gym. A girl I work with bailed out of her truck the other day and went screaming across a church parking lot. Thankfully, a good Samaritan happened by and took care of the spider for her.
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escape from terror-a bit of terrifying
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/07/the-witch-prompt-jan-marlermorrill-i.html
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Not as scary as snakes, but still enough to make your skin crawl.
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As the great philosopher of Blazing Saddles once said about running to get a “”s—load of dimes” I’d say the spiders would prompt it.
“Chalotte Webisnski” Hahahahahahaha! Priceless. 😀
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I’m not sure if these spiders accept cash, or American Express. Better use your Visa card.
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Hahahaha! Indeed.
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Arachnophobia – what a web of fear it weaves.
My hair-raising tale
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Absolutely.
Your “hair-raising” tale was a hoot. 🙂
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I come here expecting a chuckle, and now I’m left with a street filled with raging spiders… I think I will write about ticks the size of calves in my next story.
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Good idea, Bjorn. I wrote a poem once about Vampire Ticks who drained the blood from a cow in a matter of seconds. Vicious creatures.
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THIS, my friend, almost made me spew a very nice Chardonnay through my nose. Thank you.
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It’s a good thing you weren’t reading “Running of the Chickens.” You might have lost an entire bottle.
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I tend to read you at breakfast time. I should know better. The image is almost too much for my tender digestion. This house we’re renting temporarily generates a plethora of sticky cobwebs everywhere each morning. The conservatory looks like Miss Haversham’s wedding feast – you’d love it.
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When we were first married, we lived in a 100 yr. old log house. We killed two snakes inside the house (one in the pantry) and were constantly battling wasps and other insects. One little spider built a web above our bed. Connie wouldn’t let me kill it. A few weeks later, we had a million tiny spiders come fluttering down on the bed. At that point, she agreed the spider had to go.
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Came here for a laugh, left with my skin crawling! The running of the spiders is an event I want to be nowhere near! Great concept.
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Sorry about that. I don’t normally delve into this genre, but made an exception based on the photo.
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Yikes!!
It’s coming for her tomorrow!
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Yes. I just wish I could add the theme music from “Jaws”
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Manana never comes.
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Oh, yes it does.
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Dear Mel Hitchcock,
As that great singer Jim Stafford crooned, “I don’t like spiders and snakes and that ain’t what it takes to love me, you fool, you fool.” Uck. I do not like them, no I do not like spiders. Creeeeeeeeeeepy. If I run into a spider web I’ll be trying to catch up to Tracey. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vudA72hibg
Your story made my skin crawl. Great read.
Shalom,
Charlotte Webinski
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Dear Charlotte,
I loved that song too, but not quite as much as Ray Steven’s “Mississippi Squirrel Revival.” I didn’t change much from the 2012 original other than switching tomorrow to manana at the end.
Mel Hitchcock
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I live in a village famed for its spiders. Now if something says “Manana Mike” I am going to jump a mile.😉
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Once they start talking, it’s time to get nervous. I’m with you on that one.
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Hehehe, and she dances the Tarantella. I like spiders, I save them, and am very reluctant to kill them. But I’m also slightly afraid of spiders, at least the big, hairy types. This is hilarious. Great fun, as always.
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I’m not scared of them, but haven’t taken any in as pets either. Glad you enjoyed it.
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I’ve been lucky, Russell: all my up close and personal encounters with spiders have been with the variety that are speck size. But, if I was sent a message from a talking one the size of a mouse, then I’d know for certain that my luck with them has completely run out, and I’d be compelled to do whatever it take to outrun mañana. Or, on second thought, maybe I’d check myself into a psych ward where possibly the staff will all remove their white coats and look like giant spiders. On third thought, maybe I’d just get the hell out of Pamplona.
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Do you remember Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars?
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Yes. I had the LP record back in the day.
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Me too. There were a lot of good songs on that record.
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Good post. I’m not afraid of spiders, but when they try and capture human prey with webs stretching from tree to ground, I get worried.
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Yeah, I don’t want to be wrapped up and taken home for dinner.
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I don’t know that I’m afraid of spiders, they just make my skin crawl. Nice job, the imagery had me scratching my arms. @sheilamgood at Cow Pasture Chronicles
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Thanks, Sheila. What I hate is that creepy, crawly feeling on the back of the neck.
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Exactly!
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I don’t like much creepy crawly and the “lone gossamer strand” was enough to give me the shivers.
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Why, thank you, Dawn. I just love the gossamer, but don’t get to use it often.
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Oh very good, Russell. I’d suggest that Lucinda’s therapists might have suggested something more moderate. She’s sure jumping in at the deep end. You got my skin crawling with this one.
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This may just increase the nightmares.
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Hilarious once again, Russell. I love this. We have an aggressive little spider here named the Jumping Spider. It doesn’t sit in a web and wait, it actively hunts its prey. I had one overachiever jump on me once. That’s really wishful thinking and a sense of adventure. I wonder if Garfield the cat shows up there in Pamplona with his rolled-up newspaper. 😀 — Suzanne
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That’s a great solution, Suzanne. Garfield could have a hey-day at a festival like that.
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I can understand running from bulls, but only when one accidently finds oneself in the presence of a particularly ornery bully. Going out of one’s way to be in the way simply makes no sense to me.
As for spiders, I’m not one to run from them. But start flinging maggots or slugs and I’ll sprint like Jessie Owens!
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eeeek! Lucinda needs a different therapist! (I’ll take snakes over spiders any day!)
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