Phishing for Chumps

Posted on August 24, 2016 by

62 Comments

Someone once asked my dad, “Pug, do you still go fishin’ as often as you used to?”

“No,” replied Dad, “I’ve cut back to once a day.”

I took Dad on his last fishing trip when he was 92. He died three years later.

Fisherman’s Prayer

Unknown

I pray that I may live to fish
Until my dying day.
And when it comes to my last cast,
I then most humbly pray:
When in the Lord’s great landing net
And peacefully asleep
That in His mercy I’ll be judged
Good enough to keep.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the game warden who’ll be measuring your tall tales to see if they stay within the 100 word limit is Gertrude “Guppy” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Georgia Koch
copyright – Georgia Koch

Junior thumbed through the dog-eared pages of his Bass Pro Shop catalog.
“Nadine, I’m gonna order me one of these boats and take up bass fishin’.”

“Junior, its 250 miles to the nearest river or lake. You ain’t gonna catch no bass out here.”

“You just watch.”

A week later, Junior launched his boat in waist-deep Kansas prairie grass and began fishing.

“Caught anything yet?” Nadine called from the back porch.

“Nope.”

“I knew you wouldn’t catch any bass out there.”

“Shut up, woman. And go back to your knittin’.”

“Junior, if I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your ass.”

Even the intro is a rerun this week. There were a lot of positive comments on the Fisherman’s Prayer the first time it ran, so I thought I’d post it again for those of you who have never seen it.

Category: humorTags: , , , ,

62 Comments on “Phishing for Chumps”

  8. Dear Junior,

    Once more your entry and the prayer make my eyes mist. On the other hand your story made me choke. Guess you could catch a grass bass.

    Shalom,

    G. Guppy Wisoff-Fields

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    • Dear Gee Golly Guppy,
      That is a touching prayer, and one of my all-time favorites. I think of Dad every time I read it.

      It’s a good thing Junior isn’t married to you. You CAN swim and would go out there and kick his ass.

      Don’t forget to wear a life jacket in that all grass,
      Junior

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  10. That made me laugh. I can see why that fisherman’s prayer was so popular. It is awesome.Good story, and thanks for sharing.

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  17. What a fun story. The SO likes to go fishing, and I learned to enjoy it, too.

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      • Before I started fishing, I just used to sit at the side, enjoying nice summer evenings outside, and most of all: reading, reading, reading without interruption. Mind you, back then there weren’t smartphones around, nor the internet.

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      • Connie won’t go with him because he goes at the crack of dawn and stay’s until dark thirty. Fishes in lightning storms and won’t take me back to shore. He tell’s me i will have to swim back if i want to go to shore because he might get a bite. Yep this pretty much sums it up.

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  18. I take it Junior’s blonde and rowing though a corn-field. Works still, though. Better than him filling the bathtub half-full of water, putting on his waders, getting in with his fishing pole and fishing into the commode (his concerned wife went to the doctor and he asked her why she hadn’t seen him before — she said she’d been too busy cleaning fish).

    You missed an wonderful OWL group, man. But, your named got dropped a few times. How’s the ear doing … I mean, HOW’S THE EAR DOING?

    Keep getting healed, Russell, and stick to the fancy restaurants where they have the lobster with the cream gravy, side of biscuits and where you can pick your own fish sticks. 😀

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    • THE EAR IS MUCH BETTER, KENT. The hearing in my right ear is approx. 70% of the left (by my guess). This Means YoU onLy hAve to tyPe with paRt of the LetTers in All caPs.

      I’ll have to try that commode fishing, it sounds pretty effective. Any tips on the best bait to use? Something that floats?

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  25. I would love to see your stories made into comedy skits! You are quite the clever Clarence. To be honest I think I’ve met a few people like Junior and Nadine more than a few times. It’s always a memorable experience.

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    • Me too. I have some longer one that would make nice little sit-coms.
      Thank you so much for stopping by. It’s nice to see your smiling face here. I hope the little guys are behaving themselves.

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  26. The wonderful thing about having new-ish followers (or ones with dizzy blonde heads) is that all of your posts are never-been-opened fresh and new. This is as clever as ever. And that boat looks totally grass-worthy—and I mean any kind of grass! 😉

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