What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Shotgun Lightning
Am I the only who has noticed the reverse correlation between the lack of Bigfoot and UFO photos and the number of cellphones in the world? Just a few decades ago, you couldn’t walk past a supermarket check-out aisle without seeing a blurry photos of an eight-foot tall, hairy woodland creature, or saucer-shaped, spacecraft hovering over a shack outside LaGrange, Texas.
Back in those day, only weirdos ran around with cameras in their pockets and the odds of getting a picture of Bigfoot flipping someone off, or an alien politely returning a mother-in-law after an accidental abduction were at least two billion to one. Now that we’re all camera carrying weirdos, these creatures have become shy. What’s up with that? Did they suddenly develop stage fright?
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Archiver of prints who sorts through her shoebox of Polaroids each week for a photo prompt is Linda Eastman Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To view the writers on a wire in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
“Hey, Thor. What’s with all the thunder and weird lightning?”
“It’s the anniversary of Perry Block’s birthday?”
“You mean THE Perry Block? Unmentioned son of Abraham, the first Hebrew HR Director under Joseph in Egypt?”
“Yep, that’s the guy?”
“How old is he?”
“No one really knows. He stopped counting at thirty-nine, and after that every year is just an anniversary.”
“Where is he? You’d think he’d be out here for the party.”
“Says he’s embarrassed by all the adulation. You know how humble and shy he is.”
“That’s too bad. Shotgun lightning only happens once every ten thousand years.”
33 Comments on “Shotgun Lightning”
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What's So Funny? 
“It’s always Isaac-this and Isaac-that.”
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Ain’t that the truth.
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You may be onto something here with Bigfoot and the Aliens. I have a feeling they’ll show up in time to vote. Have a lovely day, Russell!
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I hear Trump gets along well with Bigfoot. After all, they are a bunch of squatters with mean, ugly scowls who refuse to show their tax returns.
As for the extraterrestrials, they are obviously Liberals and losers. He’ll build an invisible force field over the U.S. to keep them out.
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Dear Bigfoot,
It has been a while since I’ve seen your picture at the checkout. But then I was too busy checking my weather app on my Smart Phone. I’d heard a rumor that it was Perry’s birthday. Mine is Sunday…no cake please. I remember when Jack Benny claimed to be 39 and I thought that was old. Now I have photos that are older than that…and I snapped them. 😯 Oy.
Happy Thursday and Shalom,
Linda Eastman McCartney (And didn’t we all want him in the 60’s?)
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Dear L.E.M.,
The Ancient One’s birthday is not until the 12th, but at his age, just waking up is reason to celebrate.
The reason you haven’t seen my photo in the tabloids lately is I’m very picky about the camera angle. Those cellphone shots tend to make me look fat (or fatter), and then there’s the matter of my hair. The worst one was when the paparazzi caught me trying on shoes. How embarrassing!
Happy Birthday (I’ll have cake on your behalf)
Bigfoot
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Now that you mentioned it – where are the pictures and videos of bigfoot? I mean, people seem to capture everything else!! Nice job. @sheilamgood at Cow Pasture Chronicles
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Yes, every minute detail of life gets captured digitally and then uploaded to Facebook. Where’s ET? Where’s sasquatch? Where’s the outrage?
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I like the last statement best. Where’s the outrage! Indeed.
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I was wondering if Bigfoot’s last name outside the shack outside Lagrange was Gibbons.
Oh well, if Perry can’t get up out of his chair to read this, it’s only because the Phillips Milk Of Amnesia hasn’t kicked in properly.
Five out of five chocolated Ex-Laxs.
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To quote one alien, “They got of lot of nice girls.”
Perry has asked for no gifts, but I think a case of Geritol would be appropriate.
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Regular or extra-strength?
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Definitely the extra-strength.
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The Ancient One will have your guts for garters if he ever gets out of that chair.
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Don’t say the word “Garters” around Perry. It gets his heart rate and blood pressure up, and he goes into fantasy mode.
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I guess I will have to wait until next time to see the lightning!
BTW, Bigfoot is too busy trying to get a selfie with the Kardashians.
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Well, at least someone with a cellphone got a photo for you to see.
Bigfoot should set his sights higher. I’d recommend getting a selfie with a mermaid.
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This was fun!
🙂
🙂
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Glad you enjoyed it. I had a good time writing it.
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Well, I am coming out for the party just to see what kind of party Thor throws compared to Oogle Bu, god of the Neanderthals. Now those were parties! Particularly when a hot Neanderthal babe grabbed me by the hair, dragged me to her cave, and then had me thoroughly vacuum it. I’m especially interested in seeing what Thor can do with parties because his name sounds somewhat like a feeling I’ve frequently experienced ever since I was 14. Yes, I’m humble about coming to the party but I understand that Russell Gayer will be there so how can I not? He owes me 200 bucks!
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What a surprise! Is this your first time out since your bar mitzvah?
Sorry about the $200. We spent it all on party favors. I hope you like circus peanuts.
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do we to wish him or will it embarrass him further
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/09/victory-march-they-had-won-greatvictory.html
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Yes, send him cards, or better yet, buy him one of those little hats with a propeller on top. He loves those.
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The meremaid took the words right off my keyboard: Bigfoot and the Aliens should make selfies. Maybe someone has old smartphones to spare and leaves them around with a note? I wish you all fun with the party. 😀
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Well, if they took selfies, then they’d have to have a Facebook page to post them on. One thing leads to another you know.
We’re having soft food catered to the party. It hurts the old man to chew.
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Wait a minute…Aliens abduct mother-in-laws? Why wasn’t i told earlier? Any idea where to contact these Aliens?
ha ha. Good one Russell.
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The problem is they don’t keep the mother-in-laws long. About 20 minutes is as long as they can handle it before the mother-in-laws start trying to probe them.
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There is a rumor that Bigfoot couldn’t get a credit limit for a subscription… otherwise he would have been on Instagram snapping selfies… What a great anniversary for the XXXth 29th birthday of the magnificent Perry…
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I can just see of their littles one trying on a pair of human shoes and posting it on Facebook.
Be sure an log onto his site and wish him Happy Anniversary on the 12th. Sympathy cards are appropriate as well.
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Seems to me that the party’s here on your blog, Russell. I’m having fun. Glad the guest of honour showed up.
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Me too, Margaret. At his age, just showing up is a BIG deal.
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The U.S. for one place seems to be getting weirder and weirder. It’s no wonder Bigfoot and the saucer people are hiding. After what I’ve seen in political rallies recently they seem normal by comparison. Some rallies sound more like lynch mobs. I’ve heard the Canadians have remarked, “Leave us out of it.” Funny stuff, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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Good point, Suzanne. Our politicians make Bigfoot and ET seem normal.
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