What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Abducted
Saturday morning, I will be competing in the NWA Toastmasters Area Humor Speech Contest. Thankfully, I won’t be going up against Donald Trump. He was in top form Monday night. There were several occasions where the entire audience rocked with laughter, including Mrs. Clinton.
As I prepare for the contest, I keep asking myself, “What’s this guy got that I don’t have?” I mean, other than several billion dollars, a gorgeous wife half his age, and terrible hair. Is it his timing and delivery, or the utter ridiculousness of his words? To improve, I have been practicing my scowl, grimace, and other facial expressions in front of a mirror.
I’m sure my topic, “The Six Habits of Highly Effective Procrastinators,” will pale in comparison to his side-splitting approach on the use of nuclear weapons, racial issues, homegrown terrorism, and building a dome over America to keep out aliens from another galaxy.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our moderator, who struggles to keep the authors on track by providing a weekly photo prompt is Ruth Gordon Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Mr. Gayer, you’re probably wondering why we brought you here. Remember your post from last week?
You read it?
No, but word gets around. You’re a self-appointed expert in many fields and hold strong opinions in all others. We want you to join us.
And who is us?
THEY, the international intelligence agency known as the unquestionable authority of truth, keeper of factoids, and proverbial mill of rumor fame.
And if I refuse?
We offer the position to Perry Block.
You’ve read his blog?
No, but he’s always wanted to leave a scar on the butt-cheek of mankind.
Okay. You win. Where do I sign?
33 Comments on “Abducted”
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What's So Funny? 
That sir is funny. Well done the guy clutching the contract.
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I thank you, and so do THEY.
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Hehehehe
now that’s funny ‘THEY’.
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THEY are in the middle of everything. Just ask anyone. THEY will tell you.
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I am always using quotes from THEM. Is THEM a subsidiary of THEY?
Will there be a transcript of your speech? As a fairly successful procrastinator, I would like to read it; whenever I get around to it 🙂
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THEY and THEM used to love each other like identical twins, but now they’re rivals. From what I hear, a THEY married one of THEM and didn’t invite the rest of THEM to the wedding reception. Now they feud like the Hatfields and McCoys.
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There is a transcript to the speech. I’ll forward it to you . . . when I get around to it.
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You read it?
No, but word gets around.
You had me laughing here, then it got funnier. Thanks! Good luck procrastinating. Let us know what happens.
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Perry and I are up for awards as having the least read blogs in cyberworld. I think it’s called the Wasted Click.
However, now that I’m a member of THEY all that will be changing. The word really will get around.
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Hilarious, Russell. I’d be careful about that THEY organization. It sounds alien. Of course, it could just be the group that’s always saying things to people. 😀 — Suzanne
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Not alien at all, but highly secretive. Very similar to the CIA or KGB. Be carefully what you say, Suzanne. THEY might show up at your house.
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😀
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Congratulations for the position in ‘the unquestionable authority of truth’.
A great piece – truly hilarious.
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THEY are pretty good at the rumor mill part too.
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LOL! I’m fascinated by Trump and Clinton. The Donald is truly remarkable. But you tell better stories. 🙂
Lily
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Thank you. I only wish I could scowl the way he does. The man has it down.
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Brilliant… I have heard about places like that… Reminds me of 1984 a bit…. was it Department of truth?
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Perhaps. Truth has to come from somewhere.
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I used to quote what ‘they’ said and sometimes listened to ‘them’. Now I know better and will act accordingly–eventually. Thanks for the enlightenment. 😀
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Quoting THEY is acceptable, just don’t paraphrase. That will get you in real trouble.
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Very funny, Russell. Watch out for THEY and whatever you do, stay away from THEM!!! Because I want you to keep writing your stories. 😊
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Thank you, Amy. And thanks for the photo. I could just picture Maxwell Smart walking down that long corridor.
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I don’t know which is funnier, the story or the intro. I cracked up thinking of you making Trump faces in the mirror.
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I’ve got some of his expressions down, but still haven’t mastered the scowl, or the Putin butt-kiss.
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LOL!
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I always knew THEY were out to get you.
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Well, you know what THEY say, one man’s scarred butt-cheek is another man’s high office. Funny as always, Russell.
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How true, Honie. How true.
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Dear Sid,
My mother was fond of doing things a certain way and justifying it with ‘that’s how THEY do it.’ Or if I offered a suggestion she didn’t agree with it would be ‘THEY don’t do it that way.’ I always wondered who THEY were. Thank you for clarifying it for me. As for the hairstyle, all it takes is an egg beater and an electric fan. Follow that with egg white to keep that fashion statement stiff and stylish.
Shalom,
Ruth
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Dear Ruth,
Thanks for the fashion tips. We at THEY want to look our best when setting rules as the ultimate authority on everything. I’m glad to hear your mother was fully onboard and did her best to try and raise you in accordance to the principles and practices laid down by THEY.
Best regards,
Sid
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Perry would have taken it in a heartbeat!
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A scar on the butt cheek. Well, I guess there are worse things in life.
(Off hand, I can’t think of any …)
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I’m betting that your list of highly effective tips for procrastinators was supposed to be longer, but you ran out of time. Probably no big deal, though. The procrastinators who could have most benefited from your pearls of wisdom probably didn’t show up or arrived to hear your closing (and undoubtedly hilarious) closing statements. 😉
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