What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Chip off the Old Block
I’m a firm believer that the best way to improve your skills, whether it be in writing, sports, music, or attempting brain surgery, is to hang out with people who are better than you in your chosen discipline.
With that in mind, I recently joined a group that walks and chews gum at the same time. Believe it or not, a couple of our club members have even mastered blowing bubbles while performing this arduous task. Next week, we’ll compete against a team from Walmart headquarters. I’m confident we’ll chew ‘em up while walking circles around them.
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the captain of our team, who never drags her feet when her mouth is full of gum, is Double Bubble Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a booth in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Margo tiptoed up to the porch, her knees clamped together.
“Y’all got a bathroom?”
She squinted through pop-bottle-thick lenses. A short man with a large nose stood near the door, staring back at her.
“What’s a matter, don-chya speak English?”
“Humph,” she grunted. “Listen shorty, if I don’t find a restroom soon—”
“He can’t talk, Ma’am,” said a voice beyond the screen door. “He’s just for looks.”
“Well, he might’ve been cute at one time, but a gal would need a bottle of wine and two brown paper bags to get cozy with him now. Where’d you find him?”
“Philadelphia.”
Evidently, Perry’s began a new career as doorman at the Tucumcari Trading Post. Let’s hope that most of the visitors are more gracious to him than Margo.
52 Comments on “Chip off the Old Block”
Leave a reply to plaridel Cancel reply
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 
Meanwhile, don’t leave us hanging! Did she make it to the restroom? Did she piddle right there in front of the screen door? C’mon, Man! You can’t do this to us!
LikeLike
Glad you could feel her sense of urgency as the bladder pressure increased. We certainly wouldn’t want her to ruin her hot pink, size 22, yoga pants with “SEXY” emblazed across the rear.
LikeLike
Dear Margo,
Short? Perry looks much taller in his pictures and not quite so wooden. Kaw-Liga-Witz? Wonder what Hank Williams would’ve done with that one?
You and Kent were definitely in the same stream this week. Tanks for the memories.
Shalom,
Double Bubble
LikeLike
You got that right.
Golden Streams by I.P. Freeley.
LikeLike
Dear Double Bubble,
Those pictures of Perry were taken shortly after the invention of color photography. Sylvester Stallone looks tall in the movies too, but he’s only about 5’6″
I’ll check out Kent’s post, but first I gotta pee.
Margo
LikeLike
Don’t take too long, you know how Rochelle worries.
LikeLike
I think she need to get some wine before she can pee… ouch, that’s double trouble if anything.
LikeLike
Actually, those two might make a
cutecouple.LikeLike
A two bag night ay?
Chuckling to myself,
Tracey
LikeLike
Yep. Added protection in case the first one rips.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Double Bubble and her witty cousin Hubba Bubble! Your intros are as entertaining as your stories.
LikeLike
Cute, Honie, cery cute. 😉 That would make us DB and HB of the notorious, gobstopping, gum popping Bubble family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“And-a NOW … Bobby and-a Cissy will tap-a for you after this-a word from-a Serutan, Nature spelled backwards.”
LikeLike
And don’t forget to take your Geritol.
LikeLike
To quote the cousins—–Hahahahahaha!
Let’s hope they don’t get their feet tangled up while trying to walk and chew at the same time.
LikeLike
That’s a pretty long conversation for that degree of desperation. Fingers crossed as well for her.
LikeLike
Legs, too. It’s been a long trip.
LikeLike
Let’s hope she’s wearing protection.
LikeLike
Great dialogue and great misunderstanding, Nice one, Russell
LikeLike
Thank you, Neil. I hadn’t worked Perry into a story in while and I owed him one for calling me OLD.
LikeLike
Was having a grouch of a day until I read your post. Hugs. Smiles, Bubble gum to you.
Nancy
LikeLike
Thanks, Nancy. Can’t wait for your upcoming book.
LikeLike
Yeah, but you wouldn’t have to drink all the wine, just about half the bottle, to find me alluring. Remember she didn’t see very well with her pop-bottle-thick lenses. Actually it would have been preferable if she didn’t see at all. Well, gotta get back to my new job.
LikeLike
She is no beauty queen herself. You’re going to be the wine needing the wine . . . and the thick glasses . . . and most importantly . . . the two brown paper bags. Ah, such is the life of Perry Block, Trading Post Giglio.
LikeLike
I’m just like Little Miss Pink Pants without my glasses. Who knows how many wooden statues I’ve talked to. Another funny tale, sir.
LikeLike
Oh, Ms. Magoo, you’ve done it again. 🙂
LikeLike
it must be for customers only. 🙂
LikeLike
Yes, he’s always on the lookout for unsuspecting tourists.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe! Good story, Ray!
LikeLike
Actually, I thought the intro was the most fun, but I’m glad you enjoyed the story too.
LikeLike
Great story with all the details paying off! I love Dale’s comment, too.
LikeLike
Dale is probably still fidgeting in her chair, worrying about poor Margo’s bladder. 🙂
LikeLike
Hope she finds the bathroom before it’s too late!
LikeLike
That seems to be a common sentiment. Obviously, Perry is no help whatsoever.
LikeLike
Give her some well chewed gum, its a great plug. Loving all the comments.
LikeLike
Great answer, Michael. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh my…poor Perry!
Just for looks, heh?
LOL
LikeLike
Careful, Dawn. He’s sensitive about his oversized proboscis.
LikeLike
Oh my..I think I just blushed 😉
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
Good posts, beautiful blog.
Congratulations.
Welcome to see my creations:
http://paintdigi.wordpress.com
LikeLike
Interesting site you have there.
LikeLike
Thank you very much for your encouragement. Friend 🍁
LikeLike
You’re welcome. We all need that.
LikeLike
Given that I’m actually married to a brain surgeon, I’ll take my talent by osmosis! And this, my friend, is some fine writing! Love the mood and and humor, and the story is great!
LikeLike
Thank you, Dawn.
I’m not a doctor, but I’d like to play one on TV. I haven’t decided what practice I want to specialize in yet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Orthopedics? You’ve got a knack for funny bones. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_NG1yXT6QY
LikeLike
Hilarious, Russell. It’s a good thing Perry didn’t look funny. The poor woman wouldn’t have made it. Good writing. 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLike
He does look funny. But not “ha, ha,” type funny.
Women tend to run in the opposite direction.
LikeLike
She must have a lot of self control to have that conversation. Fun story.
LikeLike
Either that, or she’s wearing Depends.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The only thing missing was the sign, “Eat here and Get Gas”!
LikeLike