What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Running of the Chickens
We have a wooden box with drawers in the garage that serves as a tool chest. The drawers in this cabinet are older than Perry Block (yes, trees had just been invented) and don’t slide freely. Saturday morning, I grasped the handles of the top drawer and gave a quick, hard yank. When I did, a mouse leaped toward me before escaping through a back entrance in the box.
Normally, I’m not frightened by small, gray, fuzzy creatures, but due to the element of surprise, I jumped and darn near marked my boxer-briefs right there on the spot. Evidently, my sudden appearance had a similar effect on the mouse, as I noticed numerous droppings in the drawer upon his departure. He probably thought I was from the Trump administration, come to deport him.
If this is your first visit to Friday Flash Fiction, our little hostess with the big smile and pointy nose is Minnie M. Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To meet the members of the FFF Mouseketeers Club click here.
copyright – Roger Bultot
Running of the Chickens
Spectators crowd onto second-story balconies to cheer on the daring competitors. Local TV crews jockey for position.
Piercing screams echo from the brick facades of ancient buildings while terror runs rampant down the narrow corridor. In its wake, the street is speckled with blood. Chicken feathers float like harmless snowflakes in the warm summer breeze.
“What was it like, running from chickens?” asks a reporter.
“Terrifying,” The combatant reveals the beak-marks on his neck and streaks of blood racing down the back of both legs. “I’ve never been more scared in all my life.”
“Would you do it again?”
“Absolutely.”
*another excerpt from a short story in One Idiot Short of a Village.
76 Comments on “Running of the Chickens”
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What's So Funny? 
🙂 I always enjoy your humor.
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Thank you. At least it wasn’t Running of the Mice.
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Pamplona applauds you
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I work in what is known as “Chickendale.” I’ve been lobbying for them to adopt this event, but so far they’ve not taken this business opportunity seriously.
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The bulls applaud you. The chickens…? Meh!
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I’ve always been the kind of guy who grabs the bull by the tail and looks it squarely in the eye.
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Long arms then…
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Or long tail.
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Will the bulls come through next, or have the killer chickens already scared them off? Great tale Russell
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I’ve been chased by both bovines and roosters. I’ll take my chances with the bulls any day. And–according to the Chinese–this IS the year of the Rooster.
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Yes, very true. The rooster’s year. Wonder what it has in store for us? 🙂
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Cruelty to dumb chickens. Or dumb humans. Or both. 🙂
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Oh, I think the chickens (roosters specifically) are enjoying themselves
I don’t have much sympathy for the humans.
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I think it takes a chicken to run from chickens… 🙂 I can see the scene though
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Evidently, you’ve never been chased by Rufus the Rooster. He has razor-sharp spurs, 4 inches long, and is not bashful about using them.
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No joke.
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We had a rat story like that at our house. My grandmother, who was babysitting us while my parents were on vacation, opened a drawer and out jumped a rat! Scared the bejeezus out of her! Thankfully, the folks arrived that same night…
As for your chickens…. cluck, cluck!
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I hate those big old nasty pack rats. I’ve seen some almost as big as a possum–and they have no fear. Poor Grandma. I bet you kids gave her enough grief without having to worry about a rat.
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That thing was huuuuuuge! I know because my dad put rat poison and the bloody thing chose my closet to die in!!
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You must have been his favorite if he chose to die in your room.
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I thought the mouse was the story until I scrolled a bit. Both funny 🙂
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You always get the 2 or 1 special when you come here. We like to double your fun.
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That’s exactly what I was thinking–two for the price of one 🙂
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I’m cackling! 😀 (And having chicken for dinner!)
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Ha! Revenge never tasted so sweet. 🙂
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Dear Foghorn Leghorn,
You bring back memories. When Hy-Vee still had cash registers in their bakeries, I was a clerk. After ringing up a sale, the drawer shot out and a mouse leaped of it and scurried off before I had a chance to scream. (A bit like Rod Steiger in The Pawnbroker only faster).
As for the chickens…I had a sudden flashback to Tippie Hedrin being chased and pecked by birds. One of the most chilling movies of all time.
Fun playing Beat the Cluck with you.
Shalom,
Minnie M.
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Dear Minnie M.
Is that why the donuts at Hy-Vee bakery always had those little black chunks in them that the store called as “poppy seed?” No extra charge, right?
Chickens can be very cannibalistic. I used to have nightmares as a boy that I had fallen in the chicken house and couldn’t get up. I was trying to drag myself to the door, but the chickens were in full pursuit, pecking me every inch of the way.
Looking for my Mouseketeer shirt,
Foghorn Leghorn
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Dear Foghorn,
My SIL and her husband (the jerk that got away) had a chicken farm for a while. They gave all the kids chicks (5 total) for Easter one year. We were the only ones zoned for chickens. We had them for a year. For months I never had to run my garbage disposal or buy an egg. Those were fertile eggs, too since one of those chicks was a rooster. I never knew that those first crowings sounded like a cat in season.
Then Easter Sunday only one year later, the dog down the street decided he was going to celebrate by eating our chickens for breakfast.
Perhaps this will one day show up in a flash fiction. 😉
Shalom again,
Minnie M
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I find it interesting that the dog chose chicken for his Easter Sunday dinner. Obviously, not a christian dog as they typically eat ham on that holiday (and deviled eggs).
I can easily imagine that scene appearing in a story, especially noting the dog’s religious preferences.
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I understand the rules of flash fiction limit extra description, but I would have loved to know…
were the competitors bulls?
😉
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Could’ve been.
There’s another scene in the same story that features the running of the boneless chickens. Actually, they slither rather than run, and this contest is only for children six and under.
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I was concerned that I might lower the tone of your blog with my comment, but it seems that ship has long sailed.
Anyway, I imagine your chickens wearing Stars n Stripes top hats and Cagney masks, all singing I’m a Cock-a-Doodle Dandy.
PS Should it not be Mini M?
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You’re right C.E., no worries about lowering the tone of this blog. Those who were offended by juvenile potty humor quit clicking the link long ago.
Yes, those roosters were all strutting with their heads thrown back and their peckers thrust high in the air.
Mini M would work, but she’s vertically challenged, she’s not to fond of short jokes.
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Right…which is why my email address is Runtshell. 😉 Love the image of Cagney, CE. he he.
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Illegal mice, you in boxer briefs and attacking chickens. What has this world become? And how do I get the pictures out of my head? 🙂
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I’m told that pouring hydrogen peroxide in one ear and letting it flow out the other does a pretty good job of removing nasty images.
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One day, when I will be very drunk I might try it 🙂
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Russell, your dependable comic relief is egg-ceptional! Another feather in your cap, Sir.
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Why bless your little heart–and thanks for the chicken puns. I’ll stick that feather in my cap and call it macaroni. 🙂
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You can count on me for chicken puns. I’m dependable.
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You surely are, and I appreciate you.
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the guy wants to do it again. it only proves he’s no chicken. 🙂
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He loves the adrenaline rush. It’s the same thrill as being chased by bulls in Pamplona, but with fewer fatalities.
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Most amusing and totally different! Brilliant
My story is called Stardust
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Thanks, Keith. Heading over to read yours now.
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Not sure which is funnier, the preamble or the story. Always a wonderful laugh here. Enjoy the visit. 🙂 ❤
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Thank you. I know a lot of people who run from mice. 🙂
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There is a smile on my face. Lovely stuff.
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Thanks, Lindy. We love smiles.
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There is probably a village somewhere where they do this. After all, people actually race in custard-filled Wellingtons.
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We have a bed race down Dickson St. in Fayetteville every year during Springfest. There’s even a cardboard boat race on lake Fayetteville every summer. But the one you really want to attend is Toad Suck Daze in Conway, AR.
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it was probably White Leghorn Roosters–they can be viscious (at least, seemed that way when I was 8 and had to collect the eggs!) Love the mouse story too 🙂
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Yes, we had a big, mean rooster too. I hated that thing. One day he fell to the axe.
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Ah, the Old Running of the Chickens. Quite a scrambled story this…. Loved it.
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Wait until you hear the part about their involvement in Cold War espionage.
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Mel Brooks once said to Larry King that he want to do a parody of Jurassic Park and call it “Chassidic Park.” Giant chickens chasing people. Could work …
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Imagine if you will, a remake of the Alfred Hitchcock classic, The Birds, using white leghorn supremacists. Now that’s scary!
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I’d rather imagine the Perry Block version of The Birds — where Hitchcock’s flipping him off with both fingers.
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I like that one too.
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Fabulous, really enjoyed reading it.
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That you, sir. I appreciate you stopping by to read and leaving a comment.
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Great fun, them’s some mean chickens!
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Mean and bloodthirsty. Just like some politicians.
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Seems to me this story is clearly bull. Wacka wacka! And I’m still trying to unknow what kind of underwear you have! 😉 Clever and funny, as always dear sir.
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I understand why you might be skeptical, but I got this story straight from Donald Trump, so that proves it’s true. Fox News is planning to cover the event next year. In fact, they even plan to incorporate it into the Miss Universe pageant.
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I’m not sure if that’s alternative reality or alternative facts. 😉
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The Revenge of the Chickens?
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I hear they are planning to boycott the Super Bowl in protest of the number of Buffalo Hot Wings that will be served.
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This had me laughing out loud from the introduction to the final dot. (Love the mouse deportation bit!)
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It’ll take more than a wall to keep those darn mice out–and getting them to pay for the wall–I don’t see that happening either. Maybe the chickens would be willing to spring for some poultry wire, but that’s about all the help we taxpayers can expect.
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LOL…so true!
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Hilarious again, Russell. The mouse was probably relieved when he realized you weren’t from the national government. Anyone would be frightened by that. We used to live in a neighborhood near a cornfield. There were probably thousands of mice there. I was told by the exterminator we called that every house in that area had a mouse problem. He said the mice got into cars and ate the cables. Good thing it was just your toolbox. Good writing and all the best on your new book. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Mice did eat the spark plug wires on one car we had. A mechanic told me that the rubber coating on the cables contained a chemical that tasted like chocolate to mice. I expect our new president will address our nation’s mouse problem soon enough.
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LOL
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Even though I recently started following your blog, I never would have found this earlier post had I not just done a search for the keyword “chickens”. Why, you might ask, was I searching for blog posts about chickens? I ain’t saying. Just one more thing to add to my mystique.
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I’m glad searched on “chickens.” I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read of your posts too.
This post is just a snippet of a much longer story which also outlines the important role chicken played in the Cuban missile crisis. That story and more will be included in my upcoming book, One Idiot Short of a Village. It will be released later this year.
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