What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Double Enigma
Here’s an enigma for you. How do words such as Common and Sense get paired? The implication is that your sense is at best average, or ordinary. What if you had Uncommon Sense, Inn Sense, or even Franken Sense? You might be better off having no Sense at all? In other words, Senseless.
What other word combinations can you think of? Since I have poor word recognition (hard of hearing), my Listening Ear Wife often translates inaudible sentences to me by screaming at the top of her lungs (as opposed to from the soles of her feet). I bet you can think of plenty more.
If this is your first visit to Friday Flash Fiction, the meter maid who writes speeding tickets to those exceeding the 100 word limit is Lovely Rita Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block, click here.
copyright – Liz Young
Detective Lowry took a drag off his cigarette and studied the scene. Since solving the invisible box caper his phone had rang non-stop. He’d investigated decapitations before, but none this gruesome.
The how and why were obvious. But who?
The Heineken bottle, cigarette box, and mattress batting were obvious plants. The list of possible suspects ranged from O.J. Simpson, to Jamie Farr, to Rin Tin Tin.
Lowry turned to his assistant, Dr. Blockson. “What’d ya think, Cyrano?”
“I’d say the perp was an amateur. He’ll trip himself soon enough. After all, how many people out there are wearing Michael Jackson’s nose?”
64 Comments on “Double Enigma”
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What's So Funny? 
Glad he feels the hows and whys are obvious… Us regular folk don’t…
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Detectives know these things. Trust me on this one, Dale. He could smell it.
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I so do, Russell!! 😆
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Dear Cyrano,
There’s a not so old that goes, “If sense was common, we’d all have some.”
As for Michael Jackson’s nose, I’d check with his plastic surgeon. I’m sure he has it in a Gerber jar somewhere. What was left would’ve fit in a shot glass. (Poor guy was such a cutie at one time.)
Well, I’ll not stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. Carry on with your schnozzola investigation.
Shalom,
Lovely Rita (Otherwise known this week as the Purple-Haired Pygmy).
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Dear Lovely Rita,
Talk about word pairings, Purple-haired Pygmy fits together like a hand in a glove.
As for stolen noses, Uncle Moe snatched mine between his index and middle fingers when I was three. It was about the size and shape of a sweet potato and people were making snide remarks about my DNA and possible kinship to Jimmy Durante or W.C. Fields.
The investigation is going well. Detective Lowry has all the possible suspects lined in the Hollywood Squares Authors Block. We are leaving no nose unturned. If the damned thing’s in a thimble we’ll find it.
Best regards,
Dr. Cyrano Blockson
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Last line made me laugh out loud. Very good. Also good to know what happens next to the hero of the invisible box stories, a classic of detective fiction.
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Thanks, Iain. It’s good to bring Detective Lowry back from time to time. He maybe be scanning the FFF Hollywood Authors Square right now. If I were you, I’d keep my nose clean. You don’t want to get on the suspects list.
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That’s as plain as the nose on your face. Um, Russell, have you had rhinoplasty recently?
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It’s been a few years, Patti. Be honest with me. Do you think I need it retouched?
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Shades of Sherlock Holmes! Doctor Cyrano Blockson — that’s funny enough by itself.
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Not much gets past Detective Lowry, and Dr. Blockson has a highly sensitive sniffer.
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That nose was really something else. And I seem to see it everywhere these days. 😦
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Aha, so it’s in Europe. That narrows it down by three continents.
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I sense a series coming on, Russell. Maybe even a TV special. A movie?
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Yes, too bad Peter Sellers isn’t still around.
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If it were Jamie Farr’s nose, everyone would suffocate since it would take up all the surrounding air.
Five out of five Elvis’s turning over in his grave (I wondered what that sound was coming out of Graceland back in the 90’s …)
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Rumor has it they added Jamie Farr to the cast of M.A.S.H. so they could use his nose as a parking garage.
Poor Elvis. Sort of a whirling noise, I imagine. Like a three-speed fan on high.
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I got to talk with Jamie Farr when he was a guest on our noon show. He told me that, in those days, he had a thirteen-year contract at Fox which was longer than Shirley Temple had.
I said, “Did you get to wear any of her clothes?”
He laughed and said, “No, hers were a bit small. Mine were Alice Faye and Betty Grable!”
Good times.
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Great story, Kent. Maybe I could fit into a Shelley Winters dress. 🙂
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AnElephantCant imagine
How anyone can trip over Mr Jackson’s nose
It is awfully petite
And so far from his feet
Whereas AnElephant’s reaches down to his toes
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Yes, where size matters, AnElephant is truly blessed.
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Heck, Russell, I think the solution is as plain as the nose in your face.
The dim but comical sidekick dunnit!
He is clearly living under an assumed name to conceal his snail-eating roots.
And anyone who does that is certainly a disreputable scoundrel.
And perhaps a handsome rogue.
CE Ayr (allegedly)
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Dr. Blockson is far from handsome, but standing under his nose does provide shelter from the rain. I hear he has a huge appetite for road-kill as well. He is a little slow-witted, but Lowry has always had a soft spot for dim burning bulbs.
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I’m tempted to ask, “What nose?”
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Mind if we look in the pocket of your trench coat, James?
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My lips are sealed and so are my pockets.
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No doubt Detective Lowry will sniff out the perp. Uncommon sense will prevail! 🙂
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Your nose looks rather wee, Morgaine. Perhaps we should take a closer look.
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Heehee! In fact this crime scene photo is accurate.
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Thank you for being our forensic photographer this week, Liz. I like the way you didn’t disturb the evidence. Well done.
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Hilarious! I like how your mind works, as scary as it is.
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Let me have a look at your nose. Hmmm, just as I thought . . .
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hehehe well done on the finale.
And just in case you were feeling self-conscious… your nose is still better.
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Thanks, Gabe. Mine is easier to clean as well.
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Ha! based on your header photo, I think you might have missed just a little splash of pink 😉
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Ha! You’re probably right, Gabe.
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Russell, Russell, Russell, how do you come up with such fantastical stories? Once again my nose is twitching with delight.
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I grew up on a steady diet of Fractured Fairy Tales.
Does your nose twitch ike Samantha in Bewitched??
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Ha.. amateurs indeed… who would take such a small nose… (it takes a Cyrano to nose it up)
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Exactly. You might as well wear a button on your face.
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I love a good cerebral detective, a cerebral, nasal detective is just taking it to the next level. A usual you made me laugh which I must thank you for again.
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Thanks, Mick. A good detective uses all 5 sense. A big schnozzola comes in handy solving cases.
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Such a funny and interesting take on the prompt…Great whodunit..I am sure the amateur culprit will trip on his own.
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Do you think he or she will fall over their own nose? It could happen. 🙂
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I think Cyrano accidentally sniffed the nose when he was examining the scene and now doesn’t want to admit it. That’s the ess sense of my story and I’m sticking to it.
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That makes sense. I’m not sure what type, but there is definitely some kind of sense involved in this caper, even if it’s non sense.
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Detective Lowry nose best. He can sniff out the criminals instantly.,
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He’s pretty astute, but I think Cyrano has a better sniffer.
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Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance to MJ. It is so refreshing to get a laugh out of this sombre photo 🙂
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Why, thank you. Just trying to bring a little Joyfulness to the prompt.
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😀
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The Gesundheit Caper. Nice work picking the perfect noses to suspect, Russell.
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I love your title, Honie. Bless you. 🙂
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A sad place to end up, Michael and our victim here. But man, that’s some detective; the clues aren’t so obvious to this clueless gal. Oh, those word pairings… why have a whine pairing when you can have a Marga Rita? 😉
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Millions were envious of Michael’s artificial nose, so it’s not surprising that someone would want to steal it. Right now, you’re not on the suspect list, but beware, Lowry will keep checking your Facebook posts to see if the nose shows up on your site.
I do love your pairing of Marga and Rita. In fact, I’ll drink to that.
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I bet Cyrano can sniff out the perp; assuming there was no transplant problem. Molto bene.
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With a beak like his, I’m sure it won’t be a problem. Molto bene to you as well.
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So clever!
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Oh, Dawn. You make me blush.
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I guess the guy will get caught soon, as he can’t scent those on his trail with that tiny nose of his. So sad that Michael Jackson felt compelled to turn himself into a ghoul-look alike version of a white man. I remember seeing him for the first time, the cute little one in the Jackson Five, all bouncy and sunny. He was so talented. I guess he was pushed too hard, too young, and was robbed of his childhood. Whatever his appearance, he was so very talented throughout his too short life.
Well told. The tale was great fun, so forget that I’m having a serious moment about Michael Jackson.
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Michael was a talented young man. I always thought it was a shame he felt the need to transform his nose. It must have been horrible growing up with your every word and action thrust in the limelight.
Glad you enjoyed my lighthearted approach to nose thievery.
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Buahaha, what a killer last line!
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Thanks, Loré. I tried to put a little punch in the punchline.
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Hilarious, Russell. That’s a new one, killing someone to steal their nose. I’ve never heard of nose banks. Perhaps there should be some. Good humor writing as always, 😀 — Suzanne
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