Russell Gayer, author speaker
Here’s an enigma for you. How do words such as Common and Sense get paired? The implication is that your sense is at best average, or ordinary. What if you had Uncommon Sense, Inn Sense, or even Franken Sense? You might be better off having no Sense at all? In other words, Senseless.
What other word combinations can you think of? Since I have poor word recognition (hard of hearing), my Listening Ear Wife often translates inaudible sentences to me by screaming at the top of her lungs (as opposed to from the soles of her feet). I bet you can think of plenty more.
If this is your first visit to Friday Flash Fiction, the meter maid who writes speeding tickets to those exceeding the 100 word limit is Lovely Rita Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block, click here.
copyright – Liz Young
Detective Lowry took a drag off his cigarette and studied the scene. Since solving the invisible box caper his phone had rang non-stop. He’d investigated decapitations before, but none this gruesome.
The how and why were obvious. But who?
The Heineken bottle, cigarette box, and mattress batting were obvious plants. The list of possible suspects ranged from O.J. Simpson, to Jamie Farr, to Rin Tin Tin.
Lowry turned to his assistant, Dr. Blockson. “What’d ya think, Cyrano?”
“I’d say the perp was an amateur. He’ll trip himself soon enough. After all, how many people out there are wearing Michael Jackson’s nose?”
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
Stories From Within
Finding ways to make words sparkle
This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
All the Blogging That's Fit To Print
AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
A Humor Blog
Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind
Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!
An author's perspective of mystery and more.
And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
Glad he feels the hows and whys are obvious… Us regular folk don’t…
LikeLike
Detectives know these things. Trust me on this one, Dale. He could smell it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I so do, Russell!! 😆
LikeLike
Dear Cyrano,
There’s a not so old that goes, “If sense was common, we’d all have some.”
As for Michael Jackson’s nose, I’d check with his plastic surgeon. I’m sure he has it in a Gerber jar somewhere. What was left would’ve fit in a shot glass. (Poor guy was such a cutie at one time.)
Well, I’ll not stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. Carry on with your schnozzola investigation.
Shalom,
Lovely Rita (Otherwise known this week as the Purple-Haired Pygmy).
LikeLike
Dear Lovely Rita,
Talk about word pairings, Purple-haired Pygmy fits together like a hand in a glove.
As for stolen noses, Uncle Moe snatched mine between his index and middle fingers when I was three. It was about the size and shape of a sweet potato and people were making snide remarks about my DNA and possible kinship to Jimmy Durante or W.C. Fields.
The investigation is going well. Detective Lowry has all the possible suspects lined in the Hollywood Squares Authors Block. We are leaving no nose unturned. If the damned thing’s in a thimble we’ll find it.
Best regards,
Dr. Cyrano Blockson
LikeLike
Last line made me laugh out loud. Very good. Also good to know what happens next to the hero of the invisible box stories, a classic of detective fiction.
LikeLike
Thanks, Iain. It’s good to bring Detective Lowry back from time to time. He maybe be scanning the FFF Hollywood Authors Square right now. If I were you, I’d keep my nose clean. You don’t want to get on the suspects list.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s as plain as the nose on your face. Um, Russell, have you had rhinoplasty recently?
LikeLike
It’s been a few years, Patti. Be honest with me. Do you think I need it retouched?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shades of Sherlock Holmes! Doctor Cyrano Blockson — that’s funny enough by itself.
LikeLike
Not much gets past Detective Lowry, and Dr. Blockson has a highly sensitive sniffer.
LikeLike
That nose was really something else. And I seem to see it everywhere these days. 😦
LikeLike
Aha, so it’s in Europe. That narrows it down by three continents.
LikeLike
I sense a series coming on, Russell. Maybe even a TV special. A movie?
LikeLike
Yes, too bad Peter Sellers isn’t still around.
LikeLike
If it were Jamie Farr’s nose, everyone would suffocate since it would take up all the surrounding air.
Five out of five Elvis’s turning over in his grave (I wondered what that sound was coming out of Graceland back in the 90’s …)
LikeLike
Rumor has it they added Jamie Farr to the cast of M.A.S.H. so they could use his nose as a parking garage.
Poor Elvis. Sort of a whirling noise, I imagine. Like a three-speed fan on high.
LikeLike
I got to talk with Jamie Farr when he was a guest on our noon show. He told me that, in those days, he had a thirteen-year contract at Fox which was longer than Shirley Temple had.
I said, “Did you get to wear any of her clothes?”
He laughed and said, “No, hers were a bit small. Mine were Alice Faye and Betty Grable!”
Good times.
LikeLike
Great story, Kent. Maybe I could fit into a Shelley Winters dress. 🙂
LikeLike
AnElephantCant imagine
How anyone can trip over Mr Jackson’s nose
It is awfully petite
And so far from his feet
Whereas AnElephant’s reaches down to his toes
LikeLike
Yes, where size matters, AnElephant is truly blessed.
LikeLike
Heck, Russell, I think the solution is as plain as the nose in your face.
The dim but comical sidekick dunnit!
He is clearly living under an assumed name to conceal his snail-eating roots.
And anyone who does that is certainly a disreputable scoundrel.
And perhaps a handsome rogue.
CE Ayr (allegedly)
LikeLike
Dr. Blockson is far from handsome, but standing under his nose does provide shelter from the rain. I hear he has a huge appetite for road-kill as well. He is a little slow-witted, but Lowry has always had a soft spot for dim burning bulbs.
LikeLike
I’m tempted to ask, “What nose?”
LikeLike
Mind if we look in the pocket of your trench coat, James?
LikeLiked by 1 person
My lips are sealed and so are my pockets.
LikeLike
No doubt Detective Lowry will sniff out the perp. Uncommon sense will prevail! 🙂
LikeLike
Your nose looks rather wee, Morgaine. Perhaps we should take a closer look.
LikeLike
Heehee! In fact this crime scene photo is accurate.
LikeLike
Thank you for being our forensic photographer this week, Liz. I like the way you didn’t disturb the evidence. Well done.
LikeLike
Hilarious! I like how your mind works, as scary as it is.
LikeLike
Let me have a look at your nose. Hmmm, just as I thought . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehehe well done on the finale.
And just in case you were feeling self-conscious… your nose is still better.
LikeLike
Thanks, Gabe. Mine is easier to clean as well.
LikeLike
Ha! based on your header photo, I think you might have missed just a little splash of pink 😉
LikeLike
Ha! You’re probably right, Gabe.
LikeLike
Russell, Russell, Russell, how do you come up with such fantastical stories? Once again my nose is twitching with delight.
LikeLike
I grew up on a steady diet of Fractured Fairy Tales.
Does your nose twitch ike Samantha in Bewitched??
LikeLike
Ha.. amateurs indeed… who would take such a small nose… (it takes a Cyrano to nose it up)
LikeLike
Exactly. You might as well wear a button on your face.
LikeLike
I love a good cerebral detective, a cerebral, nasal detective is just taking it to the next level. A usual you made me laugh which I must thank you for again.
LikeLike
Thanks, Mick. A good detective uses all 5 sense. A big schnozzola comes in handy solving cases.
LikeLike
Such a funny and interesting take on the prompt…Great whodunit..I am sure the amateur culprit will trip on his own.
LikeLike
Do you think he or she will fall over their own nose? It could happen. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think Cyrano accidentally sniffed the nose when he was examining the scene and now doesn’t want to admit it. That’s the ess sense of my story and I’m sticking to it.
LikeLike
That makes sense. I’m not sure what type, but there is definitely some kind of sense involved in this caper, even if it’s non sense.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Detective Lowry nose best. He can sniff out the criminals instantly.,
LikeLike
He’s pretty astute, but I think Cyrano has a better sniffer.
LikeLike
Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance to MJ. It is so refreshing to get a laugh out of this sombre photo 🙂
LikeLike
Why, thank you. Just trying to bring a little Joyfulness to the prompt.
LikeLike
😀
LikeLike
The Gesundheit Caper. Nice work picking the perfect noses to suspect, Russell.
LikeLike
I love your title, Honie. Bless you. 🙂
LikeLike
A sad place to end up, Michael and our victim here. But man, that’s some detective; the clues aren’t so obvious to this clueless gal. Oh, those word pairings… why have a whine pairing when you can have a Marga Rita? 😉
LikeLike
Millions were envious of Michael’s artificial nose, so it’s not surprising that someone would want to steal it. Right now, you’re not on the suspect list, but beware, Lowry will keep checking your Facebook posts to see if the nose shows up on your site.
I do love your pairing of Marga and Rita. In fact, I’ll drink to that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I bet Cyrano can sniff out the perp; assuming there was no transplant problem. Molto bene.
LikeLike
With a beak like his, I’m sure it won’t be a problem. Molto bene to you as well.
LikeLike
So clever!
LikeLike
Oh, Dawn. You make me blush.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess the guy will get caught soon, as he can’t scent those on his trail with that tiny nose of his. So sad that Michael Jackson felt compelled to turn himself into a ghoul-look alike version of a white man. I remember seeing him for the first time, the cute little one in the Jackson Five, all bouncy and sunny. He was so talented. I guess he was pushed too hard, too young, and was robbed of his childhood. Whatever his appearance, he was so very talented throughout his too short life.
Well told. The tale was great fun, so forget that I’m having a serious moment about Michael Jackson.
LikeLike
Michael was a talented young man. I always thought it was a shame he felt the need to transform his nose. It must have been horrible growing up with your every word and action thrust in the limelight.
Glad you enjoyed my lighthearted approach to nose thievery.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Buahaha, what a killer last line!
LikeLike
Thanks, Loré. I tried to put a little punch in the punchline.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hilarious, Russell. That’s a new one, killing someone to steal their nose. I’ve never heard of nose banks. Perhaps there should be some. Good humor writing as always, 😀 — Suzanne
LikeLike