Scab Bloggers

Posted on March 1, 2017 by

77 Comments

How many of you have seen the commercial that starts with the “Real People, Not Actors” disclaimer? What they’re really saying is the advertiser was too cheap to hire a professional spokesperson. Instead they rounded up a few stragglers from a Walmart parking lot and gave them each a hundred dollar bill to “Oouu” and “Ahh” over their product.

What would happen if our Fairy Blog Mother did the same here? Imagine if you will, Friday Flash Fiction stories penned by scab writers instead of highly talented authors. No Sandra, no C.E., dare I say, no Dawn? Even The Reclining Gentleman would get up and walk away.

If this is your first visit to Friday Flash Fiction, the professional spokesperson who will promise you a 15% savings on your next 100 words is Jamie Lee Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block, click here.

PHOTO PROMPT © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

copyright – Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Critiquing Fiction with C.E. Ayr

Go, Jan, go!

See Jan go.

“Spot, spot, wait for me,” cried Dale.

Plenty of action, but too many repetitive words. Also, no sense of place. Where are we—the beach, on a treadmill? Furthermore, the copy is fraught with typos. The correct spelling is S-T-O-P.

See Fido run.

Fido bit Fluffy.

“Bad Fido, bad,” said Jan.

Add some internalization. How did Fluffy feel? Invoke the senses. Has Fido rolled in something dead? What does Fluffy’s fur taste like?

In this example, I’ve pointed out some of the most obvious flaws.

What suggestions could you offer to improve this story?

 

Category: humorTags: , , , ,

77 Comments on “Scab Bloggers”

      • Well there are typso and topsy, but I think that taking the name of the blessed Sandra in vain is a step too far.
        And Dale is getting all Canadian about her pyting being mocked, so I would look over your left shoulder carefully, and probably in red.
        Unless she gets help from her PFF, in which case you know the colour to beware.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Getting all Canadian? Since we Canadians are known for being really, really (yes, repetitive word, Russell) nice and friendly, guess my attack shouldn’t be too painful.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Mr. Walton,

    Now you know how I pad the list each week. You don’t think we really have that many participants each week, do you? Oops. You didn’t just read that. 😮
    And two titles for the price of one…with falling Walmart prices we can do that. I hope to get to the bottom of Fluffy’s motivation without having to sniff. I’m glad C.E. is there to edit.

    Shalom,
    Your Fairy Blog Mother

    Jamie Lee and her fish called Wanda

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • Dear Jamie Lee,

      If Fluffy did indeed roll in something (or someone) dead, we know who to blame, right? Perhaps I’d better have Detective Lowry and Dr. Blockson investigate. While they’re at it, they can also look into the “alternative bloggers” who are posting each week under such clever aliases as WMQCOLBY (definitely suspicious).

      Support your local editor
      S. Walton

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  5. I’m a real person. See Spot run! Analyzing children’s essays like this would be fun, too. Unique and funny.

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Funny, my first thought when I read “Real people, not actors” makes me think I guess we are not supposed to consider actors as real people. Some are rather out there, but still.
    And, since I am a nice Canadian, I shall say nothing mean.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Like my Mama said, “If you can’t say something nice, flatter them with bullsh*t.”

      Now, are you a Real Canadian, or just an actor? Do you write your own posts, or hire illegal immigrants (who work cheap) to write them for you? Everybody knows Jews write seriously funny comedy, but who can afford them?

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Really real… no fakery here. I should think the quality of my writing spells it loud and clear that I write my own stuff! I ain’t no Sandra, CE, Sarah, Rochelle….

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      • There’s nothing wrong with the quality of your writing–and we all know that you drop in an occasional typo just to make sure we’re actually reading your work and comments.

        Still, I won’t believe your a REAL Canadian until I see you in a Dudley Do-Right Mountie uniform. BTW – where’s your horse, Horse?

        Like

      • Lorna,
        I barely made passing grades in English, and that was only because I was such a brown-noser and suck-up. My skill level at grammar is the equivalent to Helen Keller trying to hit a 90 mph fastball.

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  9. Does Jan know you’ve used her for demonstration purposes here? It’s been a long time since I’ve made the rounds here, but you’re still going strong, Russell. Loved it. Made me miss crit group.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I commented on her blog recently, but haven’t heard from her in a while. I understand she is getting married soon.

      We miss seeing you at group and hearing your Sci-Fi/Fantasy stories. You could always participate here at FFF. I’d be happy to serve as your editor. 🙂

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  10. If you’re all actors who write, how is that different from all of you just being writers? Unless none of you are real and it’s all just computers throwing words together, with the occasional typo to make us think your human. The plot thickens…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • I wish I could lay claim to some form of artificial intelligence, but it’s no match for natural born stupidity. Plot? I’ll have to ask C.E. to explain that one to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Don’t worry your pretty head about plot, Russell, it is something that people talk about but it isn’t real.
        Rumour has it that Wee Wally Scott experimented with the concept in ‘Ivanhoe’, and that hasn’t been heard of in about 200 years.
        Imagine it to be a bit like Donald Trump, okay, no foundation in fact.

        Like

      • Whew, that’s a relief. I thought Iain was referring to a space in a cemetery. I was trying to figure out how to incorporate that in writing–and knew right away, you’d be the one to ask.

        Like

  14. Too many spots, too much fluff and too little blood. I just know that if Dale continued to yell at Jan in the way, there would be blood and screaming. And every dog hates the name Fido–I’ve asked–so Jan such probably start stepping back slowly, very slowly, before the critique session turns into a murder mystery.

    Hysterical! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Poor Dale, she even speaks in typos. Can’t say the word STOP without it coming out SPOT, but at least she didn’t end her sentence like most Canadians, with “eh?”

      You’re right, it’s probably not a good idea for Jan to scold Fido. He’s ill-tempered from wearing that horrible moniker and from having a mouth full of cat hair. I’ll speak to the editor about adding some blood and gore.

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  15. I cracked up at “What does Fluffy’s fur taste like?” Sadly, I’ve gotten corgi hair in my drinking glass during his high shedding season, so I might be able to write that part convincingly.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Excellent. Invoking the five senses will bring the reader right into your story. Pretty soon you have them spitting animal hair and gobbling up hairball paste.

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  16. Suggestions on improving the story? Well, I’d say, if this were the “old days” a good full bottle of Liquid Paper and an even fuller bottle of Scotch to mourn the passing of a truly ridiculous story. Better yet, kerosene and a lit match if written on paper.

    Five out of five “That’s The Wal-Mart Ways.” I laughed until I stopped.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • (Sigh) Yes, things just aren’t the same since we went digital.

      Can’t wait to see your video of Jan, Dale, Fido, and Fluffy. I’m sure it’ll win Best Short at Cannes.

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  17. As for suggestion for improving your story, I have a question about how it related to the photo prompt.

    No. Wait. I think I get it. This is that complex, if-you-don’t-get-it-then-you’re-too-stupid-to-read-high-brow-literary prose, right?

    Clouds. All these problems with Amazon Cloud storage and the chaos that ensued. Chaos. How can we avoid chaos if we can’t communicate clearly? Some writers are better than others. The better writers have a duty to help the lesser writers to get their heads out of the clouds and follow the rules of grammar.

    Am I close?

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Weed’s legal where you live, right? I want some of what you’re having.

      I thought by now you would have figured out that I’m a simpleton. Just a barefoot hillbilly from Arkansas who can barely put one thought in front on another without suffering a brain fart.

      I do like what you said about clouds. They are amazing things. Especially #9.

      Liked by 1 person

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      • I have never smoked anything in my life. I have virgin lungs, Russ. The edibles they have these days, however, are amazing!!

        Meet me at Cloud 9…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, edibles are good. They are slow to take effect, but last a long time. Would you like me to bring my Jew’s harp or kazoo?

        Like

  19. Another high speed ride into silliness. If you were a character in Young Frankenstein it would definitely be Abby Normal.

    Liked by 1 person

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  21. Oh, but my early elementary teachers must have hated me. I asked questions like this all the time… usually rewarded by being put in the isolation box (refrigerator box) or being sent to the principal’s office for disrupting class. So much for the old “Any question is a good question” cliche.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • So you were one of those talkative children. I liked those. They kept the teacher distracted for those of us who were prone to mischeif. I bet you made good grades too.

      Liked by 1 person

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      • Actually, my grades sucked. c’s & d’s. Mostly because once I left school I had to go straight to work until well after sunset. I worked from 3a – until school time at 8a, too. Not much time to study or do homework. Had to keep a roof over our heads and all. That said, I wasn’t by any means dumb. I had an IQ in the upper 180’s and bored with most of my textbooks that I had read through by the end of the first week of school. I got bored. I was already doing college level work. Sure that frustrated the teachers.

        Liked by 1 person

  22. I can’t believe some people actually go out for some fun on Friday nights. They don’t have a clue.
    This is the most exercise my abs have gotten in…well let’s just say awhile.
    Thanks for the name drop. Happy to read can’t no scabs right like me. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. Let me just say that I’m gobsmacked to be partnered with the likes of Sandra and CE…. be still my insecure heart! Oh. Wait. I just hit that link, and my insecurities just multiplied. The other Dawn. Alas… always a bridesmaid, sitting out the dance. Aside from the fact that my lingering namesake is infinitely clever and fun, I’ll have to just be glad to see my name in print…. maybe I’ll just cross the picket line and run the ball down the field. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • WordPress wouldn’t let me link two Dawns to the same . . . Hmmm, that give me an idea.
      You never know who will be featured (or picked on) at What’s So Funny?

      This has been a great day. Three Dawns (counting the sunrise). Let me toss my little idea in the cage where the writers are kept and see what they come up with.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  25. LOL. Please observe this qualified proofreader raising her eyes heavenward 😉 Doubtless I’ll regret that admission, as people will scour my future FF’s contributions for typos and grammatical errors. I do admit to Facebook messaging Jamie Lee yesterday, as I had a complete blank about whether something required an apostrophe or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Bless you, my child.
      Don’t you feel better now that you’ve confessed? For your penance, you must write a paragraph containing one ellipse, two em dashes, four commas, and a partridge in a pear tree. Peace be with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Father, I have sinned as it is Lent and my foot hath slippeth … not telling you what I did, though, other than shooting a partridge and eating the whole thing when I was meant to be fasting but there weren’t any pears on the pear tree, so I’m sure you’ll understand — not that I’m making excuses — although I keep thinking about Easter eggs now because they’re already in the shops.
        PS You didn’t say anything about full stops in the paragraph.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Excellent. I’ll consider the full stops a bonus and count them toward your Easter credits.

        Like

    • Illustrations would have been nice, but I would have caught too much flack from the animal rights group for Fido nipping at Fluffy. However, I can see seven-year-old Dale verbalizing a typo.

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  27. Oh! I thoroughly agree with Liz. Your little tail took me back to childhood daze of reeding about Dick and Jane and little Stop, too. Pitchers flowed thru my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • The statement above has some serious POV issues. I would edit it to read, “Blue wonder most of the time.” See the difference? Why, it just rolls right off the tongue.

      Like

      Reply

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