Russell Gayer, author speaker
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
Stories From Within
Finding ways to make words sparkle
This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
All the Blogging That's Fit To Print
AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
A Humor Blog
Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind
Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!
An author's perspective of mystery and more.
And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
Great fun, Russell
LikeLike
Thanks, Neil. We “Classics” just like to have fun.
LikeLike
Hahah – loved this one 😀
LikeLike
Hahaha- what fun piece this.
LikeLike
Glad you enjoyed it.
LikeLike
hehe! Yes, what ever happened to those big papery things? 😀
(I have a copy of Gardiner’s Art on my papery things shelf! Love the shoes!)
LikeLike
The shoes are cool, but I’m afraid they’d slip right off your fins.
LikeLike
A mermaid can dream…….:)
LikeLike
Thanks for the laugh–and I will always love real books more than ereaders.
LikeLike
Me too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Mr. Classic,
For some reason my mind flashed to Robert Taylor in The Time Machine when one of the Eloi shows him ancient books. He opens one and it crumbles in his hand. I find that some of the classics make great doorstops. As always you’ve taken the literary path less traveled and even eschewed.
Shalom,
Confuse-us Yogini
LikeLike
Gach! That should be Rod Taylor. This is what happens when you’re a classic. 😉
LikeLike
Not only do you Confuse-us, you even Confuse-yourself. 🙂
LikeLike
No one will ever confuse me with Wm. Snakeshearer. “Hark, what through yonder outhouse window flies, tis the crescent moon and pages torn from a Monkey & Ward catalog.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am indeed a classic myself and I am loving this. 🙂
LikeLike
“very tall…or a porn star” <3!
LikeLike
I suppose he could be both.
LikeLiked by 1 person
*chuckles*
LikeLike
I’m glad you went the book route instead of the shoe path. A truly funny tale. Thanks.
LikeLike
Oh? I could probably write about a foot fetish if given the proper inspiration.
LikeLike
I suspect this particular Resource Center would group the works of Longfellow next to the collected quotes of my former Drill Instructor, Gunnery Sergeant Prada-Butts–also not appropriate for impressionable young minds.
Russell, you are the master of cackles.
LikeLike
I bet I’d get a cackle reading Prada-Butts. Sounds like a good character name to work into a story. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I got all distracted from commenting because I had to look up Longfellow and found him so interesting… anyway, I love this. Great fun. I love books, both kinds. I can carry my library in my purse. Gone the days when I had nothing to read…
LikeLike
I understand sales of erotica soared once eBooks came out. The curious reader no longer had to suffer the embarrassment of buying them at a bookstore, and you can read them in public without anyone judging you by what’s printed on the cover.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always associate classic with cars in my mind. My town has a classic car festival. I’ve always been busy those weekends, but I do enjoy watching some of them drive into town.
The story was hysterical. It reminded me of an article I read where someone pranked the library at their school by rearranging the volumes of the World Book Encyclopedia so that the displayed letters on the spine would spell out something NSFW.
LikeLike
I attended a car show last weekend. I enjoy classic cars, classic films, and even some classic people.
Speaking of the World Book, I understand they printed their last set a couple of years ago. That’s sad. What a wonderful resource they were, but a heck-of-a-lot slower than Google.
LikeLike
That’s a bit of my childhood gone! My children will never understand the struggle. 😀
LikeLike
Ha! Ha! That Longfellow reference cracked me up. Suddenly in the light of your revelations the following lines are confirming what you wrote.
“The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.”
LikeLike
That sounds like those porn stars. Always toiling upward in the night.
LikeLike
HA HA … abit of a tongue-in-cheeck at the end. LOVED IT !!!
Isadora 😎
LikeLike
Nice to see you here, Isadora. I’m glad you got a chuckle from this little tale.
LikeLike
ha ha!
LikeLike
You’re a woman of few words.
LikeLike
Quite amusing. My favorite line was “I scanned the shelf expecting to find works by Patrick McManus, Dave Barry, and that guy from Arkansas who thinks he’s so funny.” 🙂
LikeLike
Mine too. Thanks for picking up on that. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
‘We call them books’. Fortunately books have survived the digital revolution – so far.
LikeLike
According to some recent statistics, books have bounced back. I think the eBook has carved out its slice of the market and leveled off.
LikeLike
A twisted tale once again. Hard to believe we live in a world where a book by Patrick McManus and Dave Barry would be considered classic.
LikeLike
I wouldn’t be writing this stuff today if it wasn’t for Patrick McManus, and Dave Barry signed my copy of his book “I’ll Mature When I’m Dead” — For Russell, my Idol.
War & Peace may be considered a classic, but it makes a better doorstop, if you ask me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As my long suffering wife might say, “Oy!”
LikeLike
and I thought my wife was the only one who was long-suffering. Looks like those poor, sweet gals have a lot in common.
LikeLike
Oh man… I, too, am glad you went the book route… I think!
You crack me up…
LikeLike
I think there were enough shoe stories this week with me resoling the subject. Besides, we generally go barefoot in Arkansas.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had no shoes either…
LikeLike
People of my generation refer to Resource Centers as “Libraries.” But one cannot stand in the way of progress.
LikeLike
You’re right, Kathy. Today’s libraries are far more than a repository for books.
LikeLike
that longfellow seems like a strange fellow to me. i guess dave barry was after their time. 🙂
LikeLike
If you haven’t read any Dave Barry, I highly recommend that you do. Especially, if you enjoy side-splitting, laugh-out-loud humor.
LikeLiked by 1 person
actually, i have a couple of his books. he’s the best.
LikeLike
Well, he’s the best East of the Mississippi. Further west you get into my territory.
LikeLike
Great. There’s so much innate comedy when someone gets things oh so wrong. Loved it
LikeLike
Getting it wrong really sets the stage for great comedy. Where would Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello, or the Honeymooners been without it.
LikeLike
I think you excelled yourself here. 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you, Yarnspinner.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great laughs. I’m averting my eyes from all things Longfellow.
LikeLike
Oh, come on. You’re curious now. I can see you peeking between those fingers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a fun read. One might call it classic.
LikeLike
Give it another 50 years and we’ll see.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love the name Longfellow! 😁
LikeLike