What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
Tour Guide at Belton Sanitarium
The Washington County Fair opened yesterday. I suppose the reason they call it a Fair is because it’s only slightly above ho-hum, average at best. It would be nice if they held an exposition that was knock-your-socks-off fantastic, but I guess we don’t want to set the bar too high, now do we?
There are two kinds of weather at the fair—dust and mud. Some years we get both. The fair is always a treat for the senses. Flashing lights, barking carnies, Popcorn, cotton candy, and the scent of fresh vomit beneath the rides. What are some of your favorite memories?
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our barker of 100 word stories is “One Crayon” Katy Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to win a stuffed teddy bear in this weekly exercise in madness, head over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bulltot
Olive studied the photograph of a middle-aged woman with dark curls wearing a T-shirt and matching high-top sneakers. She had been committed to Belton Sanitarium after being diagnosed with an incurable affliction.
Surveying the overgrown, supposedly haunted ruins, Olive imagined her grandmother, a victim of addiction, imprisoned behind the granite hospital walls.
“Grandpa said they had a hard time finding a straight-jacket small enough to fit her. It must’ve been terrifying,” Olive whispered. “But haunted? Nonsense.”
“Iz es itst, grandoter?”
Olive whipped around in time to see a tiny imp, dressing in purple, vanish like a fart in a whirlwind.
Note – The translation for the Yiddish is “Is it now, Granddaughter?”
They say imitation is the purest form of flattery. That’s my intention this week, as I honor our fearless leader in my own twisted way.
71 Comments on “Tour Guide at Belton Sanitarium”
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What's So Funny? 
That is awesome. You nailed “what’s her name this week” to a T. Loved it. Clever writing.
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Thanks, Jan. I read her post early this morning and this seemed an obvious choice.
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LMAO! I am definitely hooting and snorting here, Russell!
The imp is laughing too hard to comment, I see… 😉
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Glad you got a kick out of it, Dale. It was fun to write. 🙂
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So much fun to read… and that intro.. you kill me!
How’s the ear?
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Did it make you want to crawl around on the ground beneath the rides?
No pain in the ear, but I have had a lot of discomfort in my jaw on the side where the surgery was.
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Dear Twisted Carnie,
I thought I was suffering from deja vu but was merely suffering from What the…Who? After mopping the spewed coffee from my keyboard, I laughed until I stopped. This one goes in my scrapbook. OMG!
Shalom,
“One Crayon” (and it’s purple) Katy W(T)F
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Seriously. Gotta give the guy kudos on this one, fer shure….
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Dear “One Crayon” Katy,
I hadn’t written about your affliction in a while and thought it was past due. Hopefully, some poor, tortured soul will read this and turn from color addiction before it’s too late.
Best wishes with the straight-jacket,
Twisted Carnie
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Ha.. I can see that purple imp. Who knows how a ghost can look, but you better beware, I know that it could be a poltergeist ready to throw cutlery.
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Purple cutlery, at that. 😉
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. . . and it’s amazing how she can vanish in a little puff of purple smoke.
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Ha, ha. It took me a minute to catch that one. I must be getting tired. Brilliant, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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Sinister might be more like it. It seemed to amuse her.
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Wait. Have you read Rochelle’s response to this prompt yet? Eerily familiar.
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Where do you think I got the idea for this little story. 🙂
Olive is her only grandchild.
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Ha! Twisted indeed Russell! Very cheeky fun
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I could just pinch both of his cheekies. 😉 Hilarious fun!
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🙂
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This is what happens when you read someone else’s story before writing your own.
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Haha! 🙂
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The last line was the real kicker! Funny riff on a spooky story.
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Nothing like a little parody to ease the tension.
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A fart in a whirlwind, yep, that would be your twist! lol
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That was one of my Dad’s favorite expressions. It seemed to fit well in this context.
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I see that class is something handed down from generation to generation the Gayer clan.
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I love it!
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straight-jacket small enough to fit her… she’s going to kill you Russell.
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Glad you picked up on that one, Ted.
Worse than death, she may write me into one of her stories. A poor, half-wit cousin who chokes on his own vomit, or something of that sort.
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Hmmm…taking notes.
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I love a tale which leaves me with a grin on my chops and this sure did! That Yiddish quote seems a little familiar…
Click to read my FriFic
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And I didn’t even know any Yiddish until yesterday. It’s amazing what you can do with copy and paste.
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i can read between the lines. or is it just my wild imagination? 🙂
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Probably your wild imagination. 🙂
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I laugh so hard — not from reading the story, but from reading the comments. Oh .. only Russel could write that last line and not only get away with it — but cause me to spill by coffee.
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Sorry about the coffee, Mike. Since you and Nan live close, you might swing by Belton sometime and try to catch a glimpse of the little purple imp.
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This was very funny.
Well, at least by your standards, luggy.
I am greatly impressed by the multiple weather types you have there.
I the part of Scotland where I spent my formative weeks, the Fair was called The Shows.
They mainly showed how difficult it is to have fun in a deluge.
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We’re a simple people, CE. We don’t like our weather too complex.
As far as having fun in a deluge, it all depends on who you’re under the water spout with.
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One of the reasons I left Scotland was that the weather was too changeable.
Spring, it rains.
Summer, it rains.
Autumn, it rains.
Winter, it snows.
Who can possibly handle these vagaries, I ask you?
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Well, at least it’s consistent. However, I do like a little more variety.
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Only you could get away with this, Russell. And even now I wouldn’t be too sure you have. The imp has a long memory and a short temper, I heard. Stay safe, bro.
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Not only that, but she’s reading all the comments and taking notes. Please don’t give her any more ideas.
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Taking notes AND names. Beware of the purple imp.
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Just keeping up with your own name from week-to-week should keep you busy a while.
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I’m a bit groggy at 3 p.m. this afternoon, eyes rolling upward and head falling downward. So it took me a second to realize what you’d done here, and then go back, now that I’m awake, and read it again 🙂
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I don’t blame you. When I stay up until 3 in the afternoon I can barely keep my eyes open either. Hopefully, after two or three reads the humor will come through.
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Been to the Washington County Fair many times and your description is spot on! I’m so glad I know you Russell, you always write a Pulitzer Prize piece! Love Olive! Great story!
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Thanks for validating my description of the Wash. Co. Fair. I go about once every 5 years. They ruined it for me once they stopped having the girlie show.
I’m more likely to win a Pullet-sir Prize for my article on “Running of the Chickens”
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Loved your intro. And if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, there’s a head somewhere puffed up with purple delight. Nevertheless, best be careful if you get a package with a stuffed teddy bear and a note saying you’ve won first prize. Soak it in water overnight.
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Great advice Christine. Nah. 😉 Delighted indeed.:D I’ll put the two stories away for Olive to read when she’s older and can enjoy the full impact of a well done parody. But don’t tell Russell I said so. I wouldn’t want him to get a swell head.
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Right now, the only part of me swollen is my right ear.
Tell Olive I don’t always pick on her Grandma, but when I do . . . .
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Christine,
I took your advice and soaked the note in warm water overnight. It did soften it up some but stained the water a sickening shade of lavender. Is that supposed to mean something?
What am I supposed to do with the bear? It came with a little hangman’s noose around its neck–a rather odd necktie if you ask me. Poor little fellow looks like he can hardly breathe.
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A sign of things to come, red nose. 😉
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Send it to the lab and have them check that noose for fingerprints. After your unfortunate…er… Let’s just say some investigator may sometime want to know if there were any fingerprints.
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I doubt the lab will find any prints. The mime is famous for wearing gloves.
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I was unwell all day. But reading your stories and all the hilarious comments gave me the best dose of medicine. So, thank you Doctors Russell and Katy W(T)F, I can go to bed restored to health 🙂
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What a sweet thing to say. Humor IS healing medicine. Glad we could help.
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vanish like a fart in a whirlwind HA! I hope I remember this line and use it often. Delightful, as usual.
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It was one of my Dad’s favorites. Feel free to use it where appropriate.
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Oh, I will. Thanks.
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Hilarious! Had fun with comments too thanks 🙂
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Me too. Thanks for stopping by and your kind words.
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It didn’t quite sound/read like you in the beginning, I had to look twice. Then I had a ‘huh’ and a ‘what’ moment until the penny dropped and I started laughing, which went all through the comments. Wonderful idea. But better watch your back from now on…
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Yes, I had a little fun with this one. I’m sure “One Crayon” Katy will get me back when I least expect it.
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Ha! Ha! I suspect a large scale retaliation is on the way (ok maybe only 100 words). Iz es itst, Russell?
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I wonder where I can buy Blog-Protection insurance?
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Your pastichery is farting… oops… fighting fit. Loved this, Russel. And how flattered Rochelle must feel to be pastiched. Now, about that colour of your nose on the front of your blog…
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Are you suggesting it should be brown? 🙂
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Haha… 😂😂
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Purple of course. 😉
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LOL. That fart in a whirlwind is a priceless expression … as for an imp dressed in purple, what more can I say?
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