Russell Gayer, author speaker
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
Stories From Within
Finding ways to make words sparkle
This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
I may make you feel, but I can't make you think.
All the Blogging That's Fit To Print
AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
A Humor Blog
Stylistically Abusing Language for the Betterment of Mankind
Straight up with a twist– Because life is too short to be subtle!
An author's perspective of mystery and more.
And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
That was sooo funny and when you pair it up with my offering, only gets funnier. I don’t know how a slice of bread took both of us into the underwear department, but I can’t even trace the twists and turns that went into my own contribution.
Here’s the link: https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2017/09/13/heart-on-a-plate-friday-fictioneers/
BTW you really captured the innocence of the child here and the last line was brilliant.
Hope you have a great week and make Friends with Facebook. That reminds me that I should set up a blog Facebook account. My current one is for the family.
xx Rowena
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Yes, I found the connection interesting too. Sometimes, I can’t help but go with crude, juvenile humor.
So far, a few brave souls have accepted my friend requests. Please pray for them.
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And, oh my goodness!
lol
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I’m afraid goodness had very little to do with Crusty’s attitude.
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heh 🙂
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Now how was little Felicity so wise? And thanks for the health info. You read this where? Perhaps we should all do turnabout, eat the crusts ourselves and give the inside to the birds?
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I Googled it. The study was done in Germany in 2002. Personally, I eat the end slices of the bread too. My Dad referred to them as the heel & toe.
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They were both “heels” to us and I like them, too. Never thought they’d be healthier. Maybe we should really do a turn-about: eat the bird seed ourselves and give the bread to the birds. 🙂
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Great story , Russell. 🙂
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Thanks, Moon. I’m glad it didn’t come across as stale or moldy.
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With your kind of humour, it could never be stale or moldy. 🙂
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Ah, you’re too kind. (blushing)
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Out of the mouth of babes…!
You have defined crust in three ways. Good for you!
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Did it give you an appetite?
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Nope. I can identify with tearing of crusts!😊😊😊
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It sounds like duct tape being pulled off a plastic barrel, doesn’t it?
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Ha! Funny and revolting at the same time – perfect. Nicely done Russell
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Thanks, Lynn. I did my best to cover both ends of the spectrum on this one.
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You managed it perfectly 🙂
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Dear Crusty,
Sounds like another nickname could be OdoRoNo. EEEEEW!
I grew up on white bread. I think it built strong bodies twelve ways by fusing the bones together with starchy glue. I remember tearing the bread apart with my cousin and making dough balls. Peanut butter wasn’t the only thing that stuck to the roofs of our mouths.
And who can forget the exchange between Linus and the Girl with Naturally Curly Hair.
Linus: The center of the loaf is sweet, the golden crust divine.
Give me a crust of bread and be my friend forever.
GWNCH: I like crusts. They make your hair curl. 😀
On that note I bid you a fond shalom and swim to the other end of the gene pool.
Salina Aquafina
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Dear Selena Aquafina,
I remember making dough balls as well. My parents always bought white bread too. Personally, I’m a rye bread lover. I did not know about the crust contributing to your curls. You must have eaten a lot of crust in your time. 🙂
Happy Swimming,
Crusty
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Haha! Love it 🙂 old Crusty seems so real without having even spoken a word in the story. Great job!
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Everyone knows a grumpy curmudgeon–and, someone who doesn’t eat the crust on their bread.
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One may now expect a packet of bread crusts as cancer cure. Great fun as always.
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Not only is the crust good for you, it will make your hair curly (according to Selena Aquafina).
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Either reason seems applicable.
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Perhaps one factor contributed to the other.
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Ew.
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Well said, James.
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Felicity revealing state secrets 😀
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Yes. I wonder when our Crusty leader last changed his? Now wonder he wears a scowl.
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Giving you a heartfelt Eeww, followed by a snort and a LOL. And about facebook: I’ll go and follow you but I hate it with a vengeance. 🙂
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Thanks, Gabi. I need all the support I can get.
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Unexpected, funny, and , , , well . . . . EW!
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I figured you’d see that one coming when you read the title, Linda. Ew is an appropriate response.
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Haha! Now we need to hear Crusty’s side of the story!
Click to read my FriFic
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I asked him, and here’s what he said.
“No need to change a perfectly good pair of underwear until they’ve been rotated front to back and turned inside out both ways. After a while, they get where they can stand by themselves and you simply jump into them in the morning.”
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Ohhhh, that is so gross I just had to cackle! Crusty drawers indeed! LOL! BTW, welcome to the land of books with a face. Enjoying your posts…hahaha!
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Once again you made me laugh out loud!!! Thanks Thanks Thanks.
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I was afraid I’d given the punchline away in the title. Glad you LOLd, 🙂
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Old Crusty should enter his undies in a fertiliser competition, he is likely to get first prize. Those undies could grow anything.🙂
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Great idea, Michael. I’ll pass that along.
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Russell, Russell, Russell… A week without you would be a tragedy of sorts… even with all your “pipi-caca” bits. You kill me.
And loving your “post Posts”!
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a little crude, juvenile humor never hurt anyone, Dale. Glad you’re enjoying my Facebook “posts” series. It seems there are plenty of “posts” just begging to be featured. 🙂
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Great story, Russell, although better read than experienced, I’m guessing. Let’s keep ol’ Crusty at arms length. 🙂
-David
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Or at least stay upwind from him. 🙂
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If women can be fond of lingerie, why can’t Crusty be so fond of his undies that he won’t change them? I hope little Felicity isn’t scarred for life 🙂
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I’ve heard of being comfortable in your own skin, but I think Crusty takes it a little far.
Let’s say a prayer for little Felicity.
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Ha, out of the mouth of babes! Nice take on the prompt.
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Perceptive little tyke, isn’t she?
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Funny stories! I just sent you a Friend request! 😀
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Thank you—-and I accepted.
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🙂 Thanks!
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perhaps he’s that way because he has run out of good underwear. 🙂
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Nah, I think he just likes them that way.
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if it becomes a trend, the underwear industry will lose a lot of business.
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I can just see the TV commercial now, “the underwear you only need change twice a year, on sale this week for only $89.99.” In the background, a handsome young man proudly models a soiled pair of undies.
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LOL. That last line has me cringing. However, I’m sure Little Felicity shouldn’t to be aware of such things.
As kids we were told crusts put hairs on your chest, like eating your greens. Thankfully, I know that’s not true. 🙂
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I hadn’t heard the chest hair prediction. On the upside, if it was true, you could have gotten a job at the carnival. 🙂
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That would be a grand job to have 🙂
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Good grief. I should know better than to read your stories at breakfast-time. Off to have a close encounter with the big white telephone now…
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Yep. Should have known better. 🙂
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Ha! Ha! Crusty is as crusty does. I believe the rule states you should only change when your white undies turn grey.
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All I know is the yellow stripe goes in the front, brown stripe in the back.
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Yikes! Twice a year? No wonder he’s “crusty.” This gross and funny all at once. Loved it.
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Yeah, twice a year seems a little much. I wonder if he schedules it with the time change?
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Ewwwww!
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Well said, Dawn.
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hahahahahaha…..couldnt help laughing….
disgustingly humurous 😀
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Thank you . . . I think. Potty humor has its moments.
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