Crusty

Posted on September 13, 2017 by

70 Comments

Last week, Linda Apple helped me set up a Facebook account. Like many older adults bordering on senility, I find new technology challenging. Not that Facebook is new—it’s just that I’ve been circling it in fear like a caveman who’s been asked to trade in his trusty spear for a missile launcher. I know it’s a good thing, but I may blow my foot off if I’m not careful.

Several of you have been gracious enough to “Friend” me. You brave souls. So far, I’ve managed two posts and a poke. These have been well received and even garnered an occasional “thumbs up” or a hearty “Ha, ha!”  Stay tuned for more social gaffes and clueless moments.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the tiny tadpole troubadour of 100 word stories is Selena Aquafina Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly collage of madness, swim over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

PHOTO PROMPT © Kelvin M. Knight

 

“Mama, why does Uncle Bobo tear the edges off his bread?”

“He doesn’t like the crust, dear. A lot of people do that.”

“Why? Is it bad for you?”

“Not at all. In fact, the crust contains an antioxidant called pronyl-lysine that can actually reduce the development of pre-cancerous lesions.”

“But if he doesn’t eat the crust, why does Aunt Ellen call him Crusty?”

“Probably because he’s an irritable, cantankerous, short-tempered, peevish old curmudgeon.”

“Oh.” Little Felicity blushed. “And all this time I thought it was because he only changed his underwear twice a year.”

 

 

Category: humorTags: , , , ,

70 Comments on “Crusty”

  1. That was sooo funny and when you pair it up with my offering, only gets funnier. I don’t know how a slice of bread took both of us into the underwear department, but I can’t even trace the twists and turns that went into my own contribution.
    Here’s the link: https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2017/09/13/heart-on-a-plate-friday-fictioneers/
    BTW you really captured the innocence of the child here and the last line was brilliant.
    Hope you have a great week and make Friends with Facebook. That reminds me that I should set up a blog Facebook account. My current one is for the family.
    xx Rowena

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    • Yes, I found the connection interesting too. Sometimes, I can’t help but go with crude, juvenile humor.

      So far, a few brave souls have accepted my friend requests. Please pray for them.

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. Now how was little Felicity so wise? And thanks for the health info. You read this where? Perhaps we should all do turnabout, eat the crusts ourselves and give the inside to the birds?

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      • They were both “heels” to us and I like them, too. Never thought they’d be healthier. Maybe we should really do a turn-about: eat the bird seed ourselves and give the bread to the birds. 🙂

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  7. Dear Crusty,

    Sounds like another nickname could be OdoRoNo. EEEEEW!
    I grew up on white bread. I think it built strong bodies twelve ways by fusing the bones together with starchy glue. I remember tearing the bread apart with my cousin and making dough balls. Peanut butter wasn’t the only thing that stuck to the roofs of our mouths.
    And who can forget the exchange between Linus and the Girl with Naturally Curly Hair.
    Linus: The center of the loaf is sweet, the golden crust divine.
    Give me a crust of bread and be my friend forever.
    GWNCH: I like crusts. They make your hair curl. 😀
    On that note I bid you a fond shalom and swim to the other end of the gene pool.
    Salina Aquafina

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Dear Selena Aquafina,

      I remember making dough balls as well. My parents always bought white bread too. Personally, I’m a rye bread lover. I did not know about the crust contributing to your curls. You must have eaten a lot of crust in your time. 🙂

      Happy Swimming,
      Crusty

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  13. Giving you a heartfelt Eeww, followed by a snort and a LOL. And about facebook: I’ll go and follow you but I hate it with a vengeance. 🙂

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    • I asked him, and here’s what he said.
      “No need to change a perfectly good pair of underwear until they’ve been rotated front to back and turned inside out both ways. After a while, they get where they can stand by themselves and you simply jump into them in the morning.”

      Liked by 2 people

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  16. Ohhhh, that is so gross I just had to cackle! Crusty drawers indeed! LOL! BTW, welcome to the land of books with a face. Enjoying your posts…hahaha!

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  18. Old Crusty should enter his undies in a fertiliser competition, he is likely to get first prize. Those undies could grow anything.🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. Russell, Russell, Russell… A week without you would be a tragedy of sorts… even with all your “pipi-caca” bits. You kill me.
    And loving your “post Posts”!

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    • a little crude, juvenile humor never hurt anyone, Dale. Glad you’re enjoying my Facebook “posts” series. It seems there are plenty of “posts” just begging to be featured. 🙂

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    • I’ve heard of being comfortable in your own skin, but I think Crusty takes it a little far.
      Let’s say a prayer for little Felicity.

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  25. LOL. That last line has me cringing. However, I’m sure Little Felicity shouldn’t to be aware of such things.
    As kids we were told crusts put hairs on your chest, like eating your greens. Thankfully, I know that’s not true. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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