The Shoe Sale

Posted on September 20, 2017 by

83 Comments

Occasionally, I’ll watch a cooking show on TV. The chef will combine a large number of hard-to-find ingredients then sauté, braise, broil, deep-fry, or bake the delicacy to perfection. It never turns out lopsided, burnt to a crisp, or looking like you scraped it off the road. (They must be using with a different wine.)

My least favorite part of the show is when they sample and rave about how delicious it is. Just once, I’d like to see the chef get a shocked look on his/her face, rush over to the sink, spit out the food, and declare, “Damn, that tastes like shit!” Now, that would be reality cooking at its best.

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Keebler Elf of 100 word stories is Betty “”Wanna” Cracker Wisoff-Fields. To learn how to participate in this weekly escapade of madness, waddle over to her hollow tree for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

PHOTO PROMPT © Sarah Potter

“Did you hear about the sale down at Bunions?” The excitement in Chrissy’s voice bubbled through the phone.

“No, but I love a good sale. A girl can’t have too many shoes.” Bev’s sandal-clad toes wiggled with anticipation.

“Amen, sister. And this is their annual two-for-the-price-of-three sale. They’re also having a hurricane special on a new line of shoes called Irma that are imported from Florida.”

“Wow, this sounds too good to be true.” Bev giggled.

“Yeah, and get this,” Chrissy whispered. “They come pre-molded. They’ll fit in perfectly with the other two hundred pair aging in my closet.”

Category: humorTags: , , , , ,

83 Comments on “The Shoe Sale”

    • We used to have an attic fan that would suck in the cool, moist, night air. Leather goods, and shoes in particular, would get moldy in the closet. Pre-molding will save a lot of time. 🙂

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    • Better watch it, James. Chrissy or Bev will be trying to buy you out. Don’t be surprised if they offer you twice or three times what the shoes are worth. These ladies are COLLECTORS.

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  3. Loved the enthusiasm of your Imelda-Marcos-wannabe. This tale is all too true! 🙂
    “Bev’s toes wiggled in her sandal-clad feet.” doesn’t really work, though. Take away the adjective and you have “Bev’s toes wiggled in her feet.”

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  4. Dear Buster Brown,

    What a great sale! Two for the price of three! I’m galloping down to the local Pay More Shoe Store to get shod with my Irmas. (I’m one of the 4 out of 3 who have trouble with Math.). Love your introduction, too. While I’m not a cooking show fan, I used to love watching Graham Kerr get sloshed while cooking. And who could resist that sexy chortle as he swallowed his masterpieces? Rachel Rae doesn’t quite cut it the same way. Not even Emeril could reproduce that charm. Bam! What was a saying? Shoes. Oh year. A story with plenty of sole.

    Shaom,

    Betty “Wanna” Cracker W(T)F

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    • Dear Betty “Wanna” Cracker W(T)F

      I can see you’re the kind of gal who’s always on the lookout for a bargain. Did I mention that Bunions has a great line of sneakers in purple? They’re on sale this week at 1 for the price of 2. What a deal!

      As for the cooking shows, I was a big fan of Justin Wilson myself. He always cooked with wine. Sometimes he even put it in the foods. Today’s chefs can’t measure up to him and Graham.

      See you at the hollow tree,
      Buster Brown

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    • I knew my intro this week would strike a chord with you, Tracey.
      I’ve found that with wine as my cooking partner, I really don’t give a shit how the food turns out, and if hungry enough, will eat anything from cardboard to bicycle tires.

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  19. I am with you on the cooking shows. I don’t taste my stuff on my videos because I think it’s stupid! Oh wait… Mick did convince me to take a bite of my biscotti – but he did pour me a glass of wine to dunk it in…

    As for the shoes… one for every outfit for sure!

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    • I’m sure your cooking is delicious, Dale. Connie has made some good biscotti. I didn’t try dunking it in wine. Did you take communion with it. 🙂

      Now all you have to do is find an outfit to match the shoes.

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      • You should try it. It’s delicious and very Italian to do. They dunk in their sweet vin santo but frankly, any one is good!

        Yep. More shopping (by the way, I actually loathe it!)

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  20. Hilarious, Russell. Are pre-molded shoes anything like pre-washed jeans? It seems we’re not happy with anything that looks too new except cars which have to both look and smell new. Most probably don’t know that the “new” smell is actually formaldehyde which is linked to things that have passed on. 😀 — Suzanne

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    • I find it odd that people pay outrageous prices for jeans and t-shirts that look like they just lost a fight with a weedeater. I believe they call them “distressed.” My mother would have called them rags.

      How ironic that the “new” car smell is linked to death. That comment made me laugh.

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  25. There is so much that rings true in this. I love the line”two-for-the-price-of-three sale.” Great take on the prompt.

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  33. Very funny, Russell 🙂 I can imagine that 200 pairs of shoes could smell like a cheese factory! By the way, a tip for anyone who likes to keep their shoes free of mold (spelled “mould” in the UK), I store my shoes in the cardboard boxes they came in. The boxes look very neat and colourful piled up on the base of my metal hanging rail for clothes. No wardrobes for me, as I live on the coast where things get extra mouldy if you don’t watch it.

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  34. Ha! Cutting but true of many people. With women it might be high heels, but with young blokes it might be trainers – that weird obsession is the same. I don’t get it myself – I live in one pair of trainers until they fall off!

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