Russell Gayer, author speaker
In school, I was never any good at science. All those experiments to unlock the mysteries of the universe seemed too much like work to me. It was a whole lot easier to unlock my imagination and just make up an answer.
Here’ an example: “How does electricity work?” Answer: The wires running to your house are actually hollow tubes filled with tiny energy gnats. These guys work for practically nothing, so the power company makes a healthy profit. Occasionally, the gnats go on strike (power outage) for higher wages, benefits, etc., and our rates go up. And that, boys and girls, is how electricity works.
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Copyright – Douglas MacIlroy
“Here’s an interesting article.” Jan flexed the newspaper. “Remember a couple of years ago when all those birds were falling out of the sky?”
“Yes, I remember,” said Shelly. “Some of the birds were purple martins. It broke my heart.” She sniffed back a tear.
“Well, our wonderful government wasted ten million dollars of taxpayer money on a study to determine the gender of the dead birds. I could’ve told them how to do that for nothing.”
“Oh really? And how do you tell their sex, by the coloring?”
“No. It’s easy. The females always have their mouths open.”
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
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AS I TOLD THE GIRL THAT I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO, THANKS FOR LAUGHING AT ME HERE TODAY.
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Dear Hekyll,
I know things have been rough for you since Jekyll stopped flying by. As we all know a purple martin is a terrible thing to waste. Crows however are best baked in a pie and served cold. So let the games begin. In the immortal words of Tweety Bird, “Ththththththththththththththt!”
Shalom and Chirp!
Mynah Birdbreath W(T)F
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Dear Mynah Birdbreath W(T)F
There must be a scarecrow in the FFF cornfield that keeps Jekyll away. I do know he’s been working on a book of his blogging adventures. Enjoyed the roast this morning. Thanks for much for featuring me and Connie.
Caw, caw,
Big Bird
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I’m sorry,did I miss the point?
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You have to read Rochelle’s first, Bryan… There is a friendly feud going on!
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OK Dale. Will do. I wasn’t intending to be so direct. Thought I was being helpful
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The joke here, Bryan, is a jab at the female of any species.
Perhaps you’ve heard about the man who was fly hunting. His wife asked, “How many have you killed?” He replied, “Five. Three males and two females.” She asked, “How did you know their sex.” The answer: “The females were on the phone.”
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Gotcha
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The males must’ve been on the TV remote.
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Russell, have you retired? I received a notice that your email address was inactive. I would like to have your new address. Also, how are you doing after your surgery?
Larry Holt
>
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Actually, I was put out to pasture by my employer. It’s all good though.
My home email is, russellwrites2@gmail.com
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Oh dear. As much as I despair when one of these pointless scientific studies is on the news, I hope it is more accurate than his method. Killing off the public birds though, that’s a cruel blow – it’s personal now!
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These birds reportedly just fell from the sky. There were 2 or 3 incidents that same summer and different locations. Some sources blamed aliens, others said climate change. Maybe it was an experiment with chemical weapons. Who knows.
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Alrighty then!
Who’s taking wagers on how far this goes?
You and Shelly are a hoot and a half… Do Myna’s hoot? Probably…
As for your electricity story… face slap!
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Well, I hope you got your money’s worth, Dale.
I couldn’t let Shelly’s little tale pass without a response. We’re having a blast!
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I was counting on it. And so are we (having a blast)!
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It’s why I keep herding you mangy cats. 😉 Glad you didn’t let it pass, Big Bird.
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Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
And another hilarious two-in-one story from Russell Gayer.
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You’re a sweetheart, Suzanne 😜
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Always have their mouths open. Oy.
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I suspect my name just moved up a few notches on a Feminist group hit list.
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I think your name’s not only high on the list, I believe it’s been repeated and spoken many times in vain. L’chaim.
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I now have a good image of you as a boy in school, and I can’t help but think you were a handful for your teachers. I imagine them trying to stifle their laugh so as not to encourage your behavior. Haha I am a bit skeptical about the gender identification strategy though. 🙂
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Actually, I was one of those boys who got away with a lot more than I just in trouble for. I can be quite a suck-up and charmer.
I’m a little surprise Jan has dropped in and left a comment. Perhaps he’s trying to stay in good graces with the boss as well.
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“Naughty!”, she squawked!
No wonder I saw a few gnats on the light bulb. They must have been on break. 🙂
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Members of the local union I suspect. I swear, they’re on strike more than they work.
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Oh, you cheeky birdbrain! You got a wry smile from me – mouth firmly shut! Nicely done Russell
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The mouth is open in your photo, Lynn. What can I say? I don’t make this stuff up. Just reporting the news as it occurs.
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Haha! You truly are the cheekiest FF around 🙂
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I love the back-and-forth of you two bouncing off one another’s stories. Keep up the game!
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It’s a nice, friendly feud. I think she bested me this week, but I’ll give her a run for her money.
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Haha! Dear Russell and Rochelle, please do not stop.
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Not to worry, Varad. I don’t foresee us stopping anytime soon. Raaaaaawk!!
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I don’t foresee that either. We both have plenty of ammo.
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I wonder when Perry will come back to battle…. but I guess that you need a dog for pet… You cannot beat an open mouth,
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Perry is busy editing the World’s Greatest Book. I hear it’s going to be a New York Times non-seller. I’ve promised to buy a copy. I suspect he’ll charge me $1 for the book and $25 to sign it.
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But we all know that his autograph is worth it. I have watched Antique Roadshow…
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I laughed so hard when I read this comment, almost fell out of my chair. Poor old Methusalah is definitely an antique.
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Touché!
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Thank you.
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Quite the double act these days! Love the pic on Rochelle’s blog by the way.
Click to read my FriFic!
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Thanks, Keith. We may take our act on stage. I hear there’s one leaving in five minutes.
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And the males all had their minds closed 🙂
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Nah, we were just busy flicked through the channels with our remote controls.
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HA!
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I think the remote control is an extension of the male anatomy.
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it’s plain common sense. how come folks miss it? 🙂
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I don’t know. It’s pretty obvious.
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Excellent story, Russell, although clearly not fiction.
There is an old Scots saying ‘Mony a mickle maks a muckle’.
Just thought I’d let you know.
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You’re right, C.E., it’s not fiction. Thanks for sharing the old Scots wisdom. I’ll keep that one in my back pocket for future use.
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Well now, I haven’t responded due to my astute political positioning. OK, maybe not. The big HAAWK may have had a point or two concerning identifying the sex. . Just saying. However, point taken on the remote also. See what I’m doing here. Now I’m quitting…..for now. P.S., I love these stories on Hysterical Fiction genre.
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Best to play it safe. 😉
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Well played, Jan. A person has to be careful and diplomatic. After all, today is Friday the 13th. An “accident” could happen, such as the remote being crushed by a car tire (I wonder how it got out into the driveway by itself?).
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“Ba Dum Ba!” Great twist on an old joke!
I smiled…
Mine: https://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2017/10/12/birds-of-a-feather-flock-me/
Scott
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Thanks, Scott. When I saw the picture, I instantly recognized that the bird was a female–thanks in part, to the old joke.
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Lol – was a funny twist.
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Ha! That’s all I’m going to say… 😉
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What? No confession?
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ha…again!
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I thought it was the guys who gawk with mouths open when they see a woman pass. 🙂
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That has been known to happen.
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Haha! Oh my, I think you’re definitely on the hit list for assorted feminist groups. If any female ninja assassins come after you just hold up a bra. Apparently, it takes away all their powers. 😉 Fun story!
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Sounds like you’ve had some experience. Is there a particular size or color bra that’s most effective? I want the best protection possible.
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😀 Pink, of course! Floral patterns work well too. 😀
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I suggest a 44EE. Make sure it’s padded because you’re going to need all shielding you can get. Bwahahahahahaha. Better get two…you won’t want to leave your back exposed.
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Geez, rough crowd.
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There are no words …..
But you found a few to ruffle some feathers.
Tracey
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That’s me, Tracey. Always stirring the pot.
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I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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I expect most of your teachers didn’t like your approach to learning, but there were some that absolutely loved you.
Great story this week, although I think you might be right to watch out for the feminists. Maybe the government could have investigated why they fell out of the sky in the first place? Or is that just being too boring.
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Other than Mrs. Sticklebottom, I had a great relationship with most of my teachers. And I actually learned something from a few of them.
As far as I know, they never pinpointed the exact cause of death on the birds. It was a crazy incident and happened twice in the same month. To my knowledge it had never happened before and has yet to happen since–although it’s only been about two years since the strange events occurred.
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Was it just her name that caused the problem with Mrs. Sticklebottom?
Do you have to go around with a reinforced umbrella just in case the birds fall again? Maybe the cause was the same as the one for ‘raining cats and dogs’?
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Mrs. Sticklebottom called in sick the day the Good Lord was handing out “sense of humor.” She was strictly business and the no-nonsense type. I doubt the poor woman ever had a day of fun in her life. Sad for her.
From what I understand, the raining cats & dogs events were caused by tornados or hurricanes. There were no major weather events when the birds fell. Probably just a U.S. Military experiment gone awry.
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Hmmm risky and cheeky! The voice of this fiction sounds like a know-it-all male who clearly doesn’t know anything 🙂 The feminists would just nod and smile move on to more serious issues.
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Nah, he’s just making a smart-ass comment to irritate his wife. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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You may ask Jan if Shelly will just let it pass. I think he knows better when it comes to the battle of the smart asses. 😉 BTW, my dad used to say that a smart ass is someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you the flavor. There’s your thought for the day. My work here is done.
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Thanks for the line. Expect it to appear in a future story. 🙂
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Judging from the comments, you ‘spew’ more words than most females I know, including myself! 😉😁
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Ha! You’ve got me there. 🙂
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😁👍
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We’d like to give you the SNS’s Random Sciencer of the Month Award for October.
It’s clear you have you finger on the scientific pulse and know of no physical boundaries between yourself and objective ultimate truth. Keep up the good science!
SNS is Scientists Now Say… scientistsnowsay.wordpress.com
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Pingback: The Science of birds. – L.F. McCabe – Author
Great article and great bird! I am a new blogger as well, if you have any tips for me, let me know!
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Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. When I first started blogging, I was lucky to have one or two readers. Then I started participating in Friday Flash Fiction. There are a lot of groups out there who write flash posts based on photos or other prompts. Find one that suits you and jump in. The key to building an audience is reading and commenting on others work. Don’t expect instant success. For most bloggers it’s a slow process, but the good news is you meet a lot of wonderful people on the journey.
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Well put! I will be quoting you in the future…the key to building an audience….NICE.
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Thank you. I think what most people fail to consider is that we’re in it for the long haul. I’ve met a who bloggers who hit 500 followers in 3 months, but they are an exception not the rule.
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That is exactly the advice I was looking for. Flash fiction? That sounds like a wonderful idea. Thank you very much and happy blogging 🙂
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Nicee blog thanks for posting
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