Russell Gayer, author speaker
I get my email in Outlook. Lately, the old gal has developed amnesia—or maybe Alzheimer’s. Either way it’s bad. She no longer recognizes me. Hers is short-term memory at its worst. Sometimes she asks me for my password two or three times a day.
I always click the little box that says, “Remember this password,” but she never does. I don’t know if an update would help her, or if she’s just getting to the age where she can’t remember who people are. That’s what happens when you get old (or, so I’m told).
If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Facilitator has memory problems too. Each week I have to tell what her name is. You’d think she could remember something easy like What’s-Her-Face Wisoff-Fields? To learn how to submit your tale to the weekly collection, zip over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
copyright – Sarah Ann Hall
Dear Ma & Pa,
You was right about Aunt Ophelia and Uncle Wallace being surprised to see me. She broke out in tears and he was speechless for a couple of days. I never seen anybody so overcome with joy.
They shore got a fancy house. It’s even got an indoor toilet. There’s a big table in there with a whole bunch of jars on it. They’s so many, I didn’t know which pot to piss in.
Cousin Lucinda said if I come to her room tonight, she’d teach me a new game. I cain’t wait!
Your son,
Junior, Jr.
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
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And the worst things. And all that weird stuff in between.
Oh dear… I can shore see why they’s cryin’
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It’s always nice to visit family in the big city.
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Absolutely
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Brilliant!
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Thank you, Neil. This prompt just cried out for potty humor.
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Hahaha I suspect those weren’t tears of joy.
On a similar note to your computer’s amnesia, I find my website never remembers you either. I always have to approve your comments, and I wonder why my site can’t remember that I always approve your comments. Most people just have to be approved once, and then they’re automatically approved thereafter.
Amusing character that Junior, Jr. And I’m making a mental note to never look into people’s vases or pots. Clearly, you never know what you’ll find in them.
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Well, I’m thankful that you keep approving my comments.
Junior Jr. has a lot to learn, but I bet he can teach Cousin Lucinda something too.
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I’m not sure Junior Jnr is ready for the game that cousin Lucinda is about to teach him…
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Oh, he’s ready–and very willing.
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Wonder what that game might be? *blush*
Oh, I use webmail pretty exclusively these days. Email clients are the pits and I can access my email from anyplace in the world that has internet access.
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I thinks she’s planning a pop quiz in biology.
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Oh, it CAN’T be Wednesday again! It just can’t — not with Nanowrimo starting today! What happened to last week?
He’d better watch it with that Cousin Lucinda; she might be the kind to lead him into temptation and woe.
Maybe — chilling thought — she’s turned all her previous late-night visitors into ceramics.
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Let’s hope she hasn’t had too many late night visitors. Probably just wants to check his plumbing before his next visit to the indoor toliet.
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I afraid to ask what kind of games ‘cousins’ might get up to in the bedroom….
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“Don’t ask” is a good policy.
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Haha! Loved the parts about pissing in the jars and Jr. Jr. Hope he is ready for cousin Lucinda though
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Aunt Ophelia is not going to be happy about either of those acts. Uncle Wallace is apt to send him back to the farm.
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I’m sure there will be more reasons to cry… that game can be nothing good.
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Some guest make you happy when they arrive, but I suspect this one will make them happy when he leaves.
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I have a feeling that will be last time Junior visits!
I may have to write a cheat sheet to remember all my passwords. 🙂
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I thought everyone had a cheat sheet? In fact, I made copies of mine in case I forgot where I put the original.
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I’m running out of ideas for passwords as well. I used to know someone who used the same password for everything but that’s probably not a good idea anymore. 🙂
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I can’t tell which part I like best. The pot to piss in, the Aunt and Uncle’s joy, or cousin Lucinda’s invitation. What I do know, is there’s trouble ahead.
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There’s never a dull moment when Junior, Jr. is around.
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Haha! Oh I love this one. I wonder if he should tell them he also peed in the oft-used beer stein…maybe not. 😉 Junior will indeed learn a lot of new things and soon…he’ll be learning lamaze. 😉 I’m still smiling as a I write this. Great fun!
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I thought the beer tasted a little salty. This trip to the big city is proving to be very educational for Junior.
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A laugh at last! I hope you enjoyed his new game. Absolutely brilliant.
Click to read my FriFic!
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Thank you, Keith.
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Poor innocent kid! I hope his parents still recognise him when he returns.
Please advise him to beware of Lucinda.
Great story!
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Naive perhaps, but probably not too innocent.
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Beverly Hill Billies, revisited 🙂
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Yep, sort of a Jethro Bodine in the making.
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Better in the vase rather than the wardrobe
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Yep, it could always be worse.
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I think other first cousins might be part of Jr.’s ancestry. He probably left some things to remember him by in the pots. His reputation seems to have come ahead of him. I’ve read some people use easy to remember passwords like 123456, Brilliant. 😀 — Suzanne
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I’m sure Junior had visited before. They’re luck Ma & Pa didn’t come with him or they would have needed more pots.
I’d try a password like that, but not sure I can count that far.
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Dear Junior Jr.
I done thought I sent a comment, but I must not have. I guess I is forgitful. I’m curious to know what Cuzzin Lucinda was going to teach you. Maybe it was checkers. “I check under your drawers and you check under mine.” As cuzzin Kent might say “Five outta five chamber pots.” Good one. I laffed til I stopped.
Shalom y’all
What’s-Her-Face W(T)F
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Dear What’s-Her-Face W(T)F,
I think you’re right about the checkers, except that they are going to each check the other’s drawers. Where is Cuzzin’ Kent? I’m sure he’d have a witty response to this situation.
Oh, BTW, Connie and I are thinking of visiting some folks in Omaha next spring. Think you could put us up for a night? Be sure and have some extra pots handy if we stop by.
Then you’ll be crying till you laugh,
Junior, Jr.
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Dear Junior Jr.
I definitely think we could find some room for you. I’ll save up my coffee cans until then.
Cuzzin Kent’s a’lurking but you’ll see him in a couple of weeks.
Shalom,
What’s-Her-Face W(T)F
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Great. I’ll tell Connie she need not worry about bringing her own pot.
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I’ll make sure we have a pot outside for you, Junior. 😉
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An indoor toilet! What will they think of next?
As I recall, Russell, when we were little uns, although maybe you weren’t exactly little, more rotund, we just used the woods like everyone else.
Luckily rabbits were plentiful in those days.
PSSS Very funny
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There’s a video going around when a guy in the woods wipes on a squirrel. It’s pretty hilarious, but I don’t think rabbits would be much softer.
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In the old joke about the bear it was always a rabbit. I guess a squirrel is the more modern supersoft double-quilted option.
Does the squirrel share in the hilarity?
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No, the squirrel is not too excited in his new role as a sewer worker. The job stinks and the benefits are crappy.
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Is she the one that coined the term “Loose” from?
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Could be.
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Oh my, looks like the city slicker cousin Lucinda is gonna teach that boy a thing or two.
Fun read …. interesting take on the prompt.
Isadora 😎
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Thanks, Isadora.
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A pot to piss in… that’s all one an ask.
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Yep, he’s a lucky guy in more ways than one.
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He’s going to have fun tonight!
Re Outlook – mine played up recently but recovered when I emptied my inbox of emails I no longer need.
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I think Junior will love the new game.
Thanks for the tip on Outlook, Liz. I’ll give that a shot.
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I think Ophelia and Wallace might be crying even more when he leaves. I hope Lucinda has a nice game to play, and no knives are involved. As the family are so pleased to see Junior I worry they might want to see him off. 🙂
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We wouldn’t want poor Junior to get hurt. Let’s hope Lucinda plays nice.
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Well, at least the whole visit will prove to be an education for him – from peeing in jars, to cousin shenanigans, he’s going to go home with a head filled with new knowledge. Crude, rude and cheeky – so very you!
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Thank you, Lynn. It had been a while since I’d administered a dose of crude, juvenile humor (almost a week), and I didn’t want my readers suffer withdrawls from lack of giggles.
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Ha! Yes, sudden withdrawal can be fatal I hear 🙂
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A choice of pots of different colours and sizes to piss into! Now THAT’s living the good life! 😀
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You can’t ask for more from life than that.
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Agreed.
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Thanks for making me laugh… and blush!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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You’re welcome–on both counts.
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Shucks … I wisha Ida had a cousin like his Cousin Lucinda.
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Maybe you should have been more like Junior Jr.
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Junior Jr. …lol
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I’m still laughing Russell! Gosh – I even snorted – very UN-lady-like. Since I was born and raised in Arkansas, I can identify with your kin folk, Junior.
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You naughty, naughty man! Too funny! I’m wandering about his poor mama! @sheilamgood at Cow Pasture Chronicles
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