The Spoiled Guest

Posted on November 1, 2017 by

68 Comments

I get my email in Outlook. Lately, the old gal has developed amnesia—or maybe Alzheimer’s. Either way it’s bad. She no longer recognizes me. Hers is short-term memory at its worst. Sometimes she asks me for my password two or three times a day.

I always click the little box that says, “Remember this password,” but she never does. I don’t know if an update would help her, or if she’s just getting to the age where she can’t remember who people are. That’s what happens when you get old (or, so I’m told).

If you are new to Friday Flash Fiction, our Facilitator has memory problems too. Each week I have to tell what her name is. You’d think she could remember something easy like What’s-Her-Face Wisoff-Fields? To learn how to submit your tale to the weekly collection, zip over to her blog for instructions. To rent a box in the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright – Sarah Ann Hall

Dear Ma & Pa,

You was right about Aunt Ophelia and Uncle Wallace being surprised to see me. She broke out in tears and he was speechless for a couple of days. I never seen anybody so overcome with joy.

They shore got a fancy house. It’s even got an indoor toilet. There’s a big table in there with a whole bunch of jars on it. They’s so many, I didn’t know which pot to piss in.

Cousin Lucinda said if I come to her room tonight, she’d teach me a new game. I cain’t wait!

Your son,

Junior, Jr.

Category: humorTags: , , , ,

68 Comments on “The Spoiled Guest”

  3. Hahaha I suspect those weren’t tears of joy.
    On a similar note to your computer’s amnesia, I find my website never remembers you either. I always have to approve your comments, and I wonder why my site can’t remember that I always approve your comments. Most people just have to be approved once, and then they’re automatically approved thereafter.
    Amusing character that Junior, Jr. And I’m making a mental note to never look into people’s vases or pots. Clearly, you never know what you’ll find in them.

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  5. Wonder what that game might be? *blush*

    Oh, I use webmail pretty exclusively these days. Email clients are the pits and I can access my email from anyplace in the world that has internet access.

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  6. Oh, it CAN’T be Wednesday again! It just can’t — not with Nanowrimo starting today! What happened to last week?
    He’d better watch it with that Cousin Lucinda; she might be the kind to lead him into temptation and woe.
    Maybe — chilling thought — she’s turned all her previous late-night visitors into ceramics.

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  11. I’m running out of ideas for passwords as well. I used to know someone who used the same password for everything but that’s probably not a good idea anymore. 🙂

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  13. Haha! Oh I love this one. I wonder if he should tell them he also peed in the oft-used beer stein…maybe not. 😉 Junior will indeed learn a lot of new things and soon…he’ll be learning lamaze. 😉 I’m still smiling as a I write this. Great fun!

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  15. Poor innocent kid! I hope his parents still recognise him when he returns.
    Please advise him to beware of Lucinda.
    Great story!

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  18. I think other first cousins might be part of Jr.’s ancestry. He probably left some things to remember him by in the pots. His reputation seems to have come ahead of him. I’ve read some people use easy to remember passwords like 123456, Brilliant. 😀 — Suzanne

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    • I’m sure Junior had visited before. They’re luck Ma & Pa didn’t come with him or they would have needed more pots.

      I’d try a password like that, but not sure I can count that far.

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  19. Dear Junior Jr.

    I done thought I sent a comment, but I must not have. I guess I is forgitful. I’m curious to know what Cuzzin Lucinda was going to teach you. Maybe it was checkers. “I check under your drawers and you check under mine.” As cuzzin Kent might say “Five outta five chamber pots.” Good one. I laffed til I stopped.

    Shalom y’all

    What’s-Her-Face W(T)F

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    • Dear What’s-Her-Face W(T)F,

      I think you’re right about the checkers, except that they are going to each check the other’s drawers. Where is Cuzzin’ Kent? I’m sure he’d have a witty response to this situation.

      Oh, BTW, Connie and I are thinking of visiting some folks in Omaha next spring. Think you could put us up for a night? Be sure and have some extra pots handy if we stop by.

      Then you’ll be crying till you laugh,
      Junior, Jr.

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  20. An indoor toilet! What will they think of next?
    As I recall, Russell, when we were little uns, although maybe you weren’t exactly little, more rotund, we just used the woods like everyone else.
    Luckily rabbits were plentiful in those days.
    PSSS Very funny

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    • There’s a video going around when a guy in the woods wipes on a squirrel. It’s pretty hilarious, but I don’t think rabbits would be much softer.

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      • In the old joke about the bear it was always a rabbit. I guess a squirrel is the more modern supersoft double-quilted option.
        Does the squirrel share in the hilarity?

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      • No, the squirrel is not too excited in his new role as a sewer worker. The job stinks and the benefits are crappy.

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  25. I think Ophelia and Wallace might be crying even more when he leaves. I hope Lucinda has a nice game to play, and no knives are involved. As the family are so pleased to see Junior I worry they might want to see him off. 🙂

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  26. Well, at least the whole visit will prove to be an education for him – from peeing in jars, to cousin shenanigans, he’s going to go home with a head filled with new knowledge. Crude, rude and cheeky – so very you!

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  31. I’m still laughing Russell! Gosh – I even snorted – very UN-lady-like. Since I was born and raised in Arkansas, I can identify with your kin folk, Junior.

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