Muscaphobia

Posted on January 10, 2018 by

81 Comments

Let’s talk about tipping. Not the kind where you knock over a sleeping cow, but the custom of giving someone bonus money for just doing their job. I don’t know the history behind tipping, and I’m too lazy to do the research, so I’ll leave that to one of you.

I don’t have a problem leaving a tip if I receive exceptional service, but the whole thing has gotten out of hand. And it’s not just restuarants. Everybody expects a tip these days. Even the pan-handlers on the corner by Walmart have started demanding a 15% gratuity for mediocre begging services. What’s next? Will bloggers soon have a tip link at the bottom of their post?

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the photo-prompt server and author of exceptional 100-word stories is Carla Tortelli Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the fashionable hairstyles of the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here. Be sure and leave a tip.

copyright – Victor and Sarah Potter

Hey, Blanche. What’ve you been up to? I swung by last night, but no one was home.

Nadine invited me over for dinner. We hung out for a while.

Sounds like fun. Her place is close to the feedlot, isn’t it? A fat, juicy fly sounds delicious.

Oh, Nadine won’t eat flies. In fact, she has a terrible fear of them.

Why is that? Flies taste great, and they practically catch themselves.

She says it because they live on cow dung.

So, what did you have?

Randy came by, hoping to mate. Neither of us was receptive.

Yum. Sounds tasty.

Category: humorTags: , , , , , , ,

81 Comments on “Muscaphobia”

  1. Randy sounds like the perfect meal ticket. And you mean you didn’t notice the space on my site for leaving a tip? Huh, tight-ass. No, scrub that…

    Liked by 2 people

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    • C.E. Ayr said he’d cover the tip. Why I believed him is a mystery. I wondered where he got all his money for globe trotting.

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  3. Good story. BTW, you’re free to throw a tip into my blog jar… all proceeds go to room and board for the spider that’s spinning that awesome web.

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  4. Dear Wilbur,

    As the old saying goes, “if you join ’em, eat ’em.” (taking pencil from behind my ear) So what’ll it be? Today’s special is grilled cheesy and Pabst red ribbon (little known second place brew). Don’t forget to leave a tip, big spender.

    Shalom,

    Carla Tortelli W(T)F

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Dear Carla Tortelli W(T)F,

      That’s not an old saying. You’re just making that up–and now I imagine you’ll want an extra 20% just for being a little bit creative and snarky with your comment. You know the world’s gone crazy when you have to tip on your own blog.

      Got change for a quarter?
      Wilbur

      Liked by 1 person

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  8. As someone who worked for tips – I’d gladly say nay if the salary represented all the work I did. Sadly, it is not the case and the minimum wage is lower for servers than other workers. Sucks.

    Anyhoo… Randy sounds yummy and at least he is not dung-covered… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I don’t begrudge the people who need tips to make the job worth it. The problem is the system. It’s really rampant in politics. Our elected officials are getting tips from every special interest group and PAC out there. Those guys/gals don’t even need a salary with what they make on tips/bribes.

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    • A friend’s hubby worked as a gas bar attendant in his younger years. He wondered why they didn’t get tips, too. After all, unlike waitresses, they have to work outside in miserable weather. Self-serve gas bars put an end to that question.

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      • I always tip when I go to a service included gas bar – though often the price of the gas is higher…

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  9. Tips, eh? I remember in an old cartoon (or was it a movie?) the bad guy, when asked for a tip replies ‘Here’s a tip. Get a better job.’ 😀 Also there are loads of guys on YouTube asking viewers to donate money to them so that they could create videos of them watching some song or movie trailer. Taking self employment to a different level, I say.

    Coming to the story, poor Randy. He should have tried the banana spiders 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I remember that movie quote, and also one from The Graduate. “Here’s a tip for you. Invest in plastics.”

      I feel sorry for Randy. He paid the ultimate price and didn’t get laid either.

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  10. Ha! Love that tone, the chit-chat of conversation and the killer ending. So funny.
    We don’t have the same compulsion to tip in the UK as you do in the States, though it’s becoming more common. Strange unwritten laws here too – hairdressers get tips, as do waitresses, bin men and postmen (at Christmas), taxi drivers, but people NEVER tip florists, which (as a memeber of the floristing community, I think is atrocious. Now tipping bloggers … Hmm 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    • What? No tips for florist?
      My wife grows flowers to sell. 2017 was the first year, but she’s been working hard preparing the beds and starting seed in the greenhouse. We are hoping for a prosperous 2018, but without tips, she’ll be lucky to break even. You’re right, it is an ATROCITY!

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  11. What a wonderfully hilarious intro. Loved it. Sometimes, i worry about going penniless with the crazy practice of obligatory tipping. I love the innovative idea of tipping links😀😀
    Great story with a great last line.Poor Randy!

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  12. Umm … where’s my lousy tip? After all these years of leaving you 20 % on the number of laughs in each post, how about a similar deal for me? Oh, I already have that deal? And I’ve made how much? Okay, never mind. Gonna go buy me a Mr Goodbar.

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    • Quite your bitching. You know the only reason people come to your bog is to read my witty comments. You should be tipping me.

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  13. I never contemplated a spider being a picky eater before, but Nadine does have a valid point. Sorry, I must be off to add a tip link to my blog. I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me earlier. 😉 So many wasted opportunities.

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  15. And this is why I never want to be reincarnated as a spider…or a praying mantis. I like the cuddling after coitus too much. Getting eaten afterward is such a buzz kill.

    Liked by 1 person

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  17. Lol, just lol….
    Gotta say, I didn’t see that one coming…great!
    Scott
    Mine: https://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2018/01/10/welcome-to-my-parlor/

    PS- the problem is not with tipping for exceptional services, it’s that businesses (restaurants) pay their servers $3.18 an hour and they have to make up the rest in tips. It may be out of hand, but blame business and government. Though, I suppose that if there were no tipping, that steak would be $35 instead of $9.99.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I spoke with a server one day who told me he made close to $200 a day on tips. I’m happy for him, but I don’t think the customer should have to subsidize restuarant employees just because their boss won’t pay a decent wage. BTW – where can I get one of those $10 steaks?

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  20. Had to Google muscaphobia. So I learnt a new word today. 🙂 Is there a word for post-coitus dining of partners? There should be 🙂 Here, in Australia, I am blissfully unaware of the practice of tipping. I might have ticked off a lot of people 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I had to look up “fear of flies” to find muscaphobia too, so we both learned a new word.

      I think tipping started out innocently enough in the U.S., then things got out of hand–or should I say, everyone started sticking their hand out. It’s past the point of ridiculous.

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  22. You did it again, Wilbur. Another…er…thought-provoking piece. Now how do I delete the image you’ve inspired? Poor what-was-his-name! 😉

    We bloggers should definitely get tips. Why, I spend over an hour of valuable time writing a 100-word “flash fiction” tale. Mind you, Charlotte took all night to write “Some Pig,” didn’t she? Not exactly flash fiction. A labor of love.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I spent over an hour too. Usually the slowest part is coming up with a new name for our ring-leader. By now, I’ve used up over 250 different names for her. I should be getting some kind of residuals for all that effort. 🙂

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  25. Ew.

    Anyway, what a novel idea! A tip guide on my blog! After all, I’m providing a great service. Entertainment, education, relief from deadly boredom. Why not?

    Liked by 1 person

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  31. I wouldn’t exactly classify this as arachno-erotica, at least let’s hope not. I don’t think I want to see the video.
    Thanks for the comment, Dan. It made me smile.

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  34. How can a spider not like to eat flies? Nadine is just plain weird, like a vegetarian who doesn’t like vegetables. Great characters and voices.

    Liked by 1 person

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