Russell Gayer, author speaker
Let’s talk about tipping. Not the kind where you knock over a sleeping cow, but the custom of giving someone bonus money for just doing their job. I don’t know the history behind tipping, and I’m too lazy to do the research, so I’ll leave that to one of you.
I don’t have a problem leaving a tip if I receive exceptional service, but the whole thing has gotten out of hand. And it’s not just restuarants. Everybody expects a tip these days. Even the pan-handlers on the corner by Walmart have started demanding a 15% gratuity for mediocre begging services. What’s next? Will bloggers soon have a tip link at the bottom of their post?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the photo-prompt server and author of exceptional 100-word stories is Carla Tortelli Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the fashionable hairstyles of the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here. Be sure and leave a tip.
Hey, Blanche. What’ve you been up to? I swung by last night, but no one was home.
Nadine invited me over for dinner. We hung out for a while.
Sounds like fun. Her place is close to the feedlot, isn’t it? A fat, juicy fly sounds delicious.
Oh, Nadine won’t eat flies. In fact, she has a terrible fear of them.
Why is that? Flies taste great, and they practically catch themselves.
She says it because they live on cow dung.
So, what did you have?
Randy came by, hoping to mate. Neither of us was receptive.
Yum. Sounds tasty.
Poetry, Horror, Psychological Thrillers
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This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
Or the three people I guilted into reading this blog, whatever.
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Randy sounds like the perfect meal ticket. And you mean you didn’t notice the space on my site for leaving a tip? Huh, tight-ass. No, scrub that…
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C.E. Ayr said he’d cover the tip. Why I believed him is a mystery. I wondered where he got all his money for globe trotting.
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I never found it particularly alluring to contemplate being the main course at the end of coitus. Oy.
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The problem with female spiders is if they’re not in the mood, the eat the male without even having sex first. How awful is that?
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Where’s the fun in that? Yikes.
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Good story. BTW, you’re free to throw a tip into my blog jar… all proceeds go to room and board for the spider that’s spinning that awesome web.
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Sounds good, as long as the spider is not planning to open a restuarant.
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Dear Wilbur,
As the old saying goes, “if you join ’em, eat ’em.” (taking pencil from behind my ear) So what’ll it be? Today’s special is grilled cheesy and Pabst red ribbon (little known second place brew). Don’t forget to leave a tip, big spender.
Shalom,
Carla Tortelli W(T)F
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Dear Carla Tortelli W(T)F,
That’s not an old saying. You’re just making that up–and now I imagine you’ll want an extra 20% just for being a little bit creative and snarky with your comment. You know the world’s gone crazy when you have to tip on your own blog.
Got change for a quarter?
Wilbur
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It took me a second time reading that story to realize Randy was the meal. Tough break. Hilarious, Russell. 😀 — Suzanne
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Yeah, dating can be fatal in the spider world. Glad it gave you a laugh.
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Ah good – a story from the spider’s perspective! Made me chuckle too. Thank you.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Glad you enjoyed the POV.
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Poor Randy. Enjoyed this, let me just get my change out to leave a tip for you… oh wait, seems I’ve mot brought my wallet… I do apologise.
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Sorry, I can’t let you leave without a tip. Therefore, you have to write next week’s post for me to work off your debt.
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Haha, I’m afraid I could never attempt to match your inimitable style 🙂
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As someone who worked for tips – I’d gladly say nay if the salary represented all the work I did. Sadly, it is not the case and the minimum wage is lower for servers than other workers. Sucks.
Anyhoo… Randy sounds yummy and at least he is not dung-covered… 😉
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I don’t begrudge the people who need tips to make the job worth it. The problem is the system. It’s really rampant in politics. Our elected officials are getting tips from every special interest group and PAC out there. Those guys/gals don’t even need a salary with what they make on tips/bribes.
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I totally agree with you, Russell. The system is way broken…
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A friend’s hubby worked as a gas bar attendant in his younger years. He wondered why they didn’t get tips, too. After all, unlike waitresses, they have to work outside in miserable weather. Self-serve gas bars put an end to that question.
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I always tip when I go to a service included gas bar – though often the price of the gas is higher…
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Tips, eh? I remember in an old cartoon (or was it a movie?) the bad guy, when asked for a tip replies ‘Here’s a tip. Get a better job.’ 😀 Also there are loads of guys on YouTube asking viewers to donate money to them so that they could create videos of them watching some song or movie trailer. Taking self employment to a different level, I say.
Coming to the story, poor Randy. He should have tried the banana spiders 😀
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I remember that movie quote, and also one from The Graduate. “Here’s a tip for you. Invest in plastics.”
I feel sorry for Randy. He paid the ultimate price and didn’t get laid either.
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Ha! Love that tone, the chit-chat of conversation and the killer ending. So funny.
We don’t have the same compulsion to tip in the UK as you do in the States, though it’s becoming more common. Strange unwritten laws here too – hairdressers get tips, as do waitresses, bin men and postmen (at Christmas), taxi drivers, but people NEVER tip florists, which (as a memeber of the floristing community, I think is atrocious. Now tipping bloggers … Hmm 🙂
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What? No tips for florist?
My wife grows flowers to sell. 2017 was the first year, but she’s been working hard preparing the beds and starting seed in the greenhouse. We are hoping for a prosperous 2018, but without tips, she’ll be lucky to break even. You’re right, it is an ATROCITY!
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I know, it’s a crying shame! Something should be done
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What a wonderfully hilarious intro. Loved it. Sometimes, i worry about going penniless with the crazy practice of obligatory tipping. I love the innovative idea of tipping links😀😀
Great story with a great last line.Poor Randy!
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Umm … where’s my lousy tip? After all these years of leaving you 20 % on the number of laughs in each post, how about a similar deal for me? Oh, I already have that deal? And I’ve made how much? Okay, never mind. Gonna go buy me a Mr Goodbar.
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Quite your bitching. You know the only reason people come to your bog is to read my witty comments. You should be tipping me.
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I never contemplated a spider being a picky eater before, but Nadine does have a valid point. Sorry, I must be off to add a tip link to my blog. I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me earlier. 😉 So many wasted opportunities.
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You really should have a tip jar. You give away a lot of good information for free.
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This made me LOL 15% more than usual! :D!
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Your comment made me LOL 15% more than usual too. Thanks for being a faithful reader.
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And this is why I never want to be reincarnated as a spider…or a praying mantis. I like the cuddling after coitus too much. Getting eaten afterward is such a buzz kill.
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You’re right. It sure knocks the edge off a good orgasm. Poor Randy. He didn’t even get laid first.
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Not eating flies because they live on cow dung sounds sensible to me!
As for sexual cannibalism … AAARGGGH!
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I don’t get that either, but it’s not uncommon in the insect world.
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Lol, just lol….
Gotta say, I didn’t see that one coming…great!
Scott
Mine: https://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2018/01/10/welcome-to-my-parlor/
PS- the problem is not with tipping for exceptional services, it’s that businesses (restaurants) pay their servers $3.18 an hour and they have to make up the rest in tips. It may be out of hand, but blame business and government. Though, I suppose that if there were no tipping, that steak would be $35 instead of $9.99.
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I spoke with a server one day who told me he made close to $200 a day on tips. I’m happy for him, but I don’t think the customer should have to subsidize restuarant employees just because their boss won’t pay a decent wage. BTW – where can I get one of those $10 steaks?
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Denny’s in Indiana around me has them. Special deals, I guess.
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First of all, who pissed in your Denny’s corn flakes? Tip already! (Although I believe you do. I see how generous you are towards Perry Block.)
Second of all…This is funny stuff.
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Thank God! I appreciate you speaking up for me. No matter how much I promote Perry it’s never enough. I should spend more time promoting your site and the delicious recipes. Maybe then I’d feel appreciated. 🙂
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I know, I let you carry the weight in his two person fan club.
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Yep, the Blockateers. I’m just glad he doesn’t make us wear a silly hat and sing some stupid theme song about him being “formerly cute.”
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Ha ha ha ha. What a great twist. Poor Randy. And btw, please do not try tipping over a lazy cow when you come to my country, it just might get you in big trouble 🙂
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Yes, I wouldn’t want to knock over anyone’s ancestor, and with my luck, the darn thing would probably teeter one way then fall back on top of me. No cow tipping for this guy.
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They’re not ancestors, just worshipped by Hindus. They’ve become somewhat of a touchy subject since our Hindu-fundamentalist government took over 😦 While on that topic, THIS happened just today : https://www.google.co.in/amp/s/m.timesofindia.com/india/cow-on-runway-2-planes-abort-landing-at-ahmedabad-and-head-to-mumbai/amp_articleshow/62457995.cms
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Had to Google muscaphobia. So I learnt a new word today. 🙂 Is there a word for post-coitus dining of partners? There should be 🙂 Here, in Australia, I am blissfully unaware of the practice of tipping. I might have ticked off a lot of people 😀
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I had to look up “fear of flies” to find muscaphobia too, so we both learned a new word.
I think tipping started out innocently enough in the U.S., then things got out of hand–or should I say, everyone started sticking their hand out. It’s past the point of ridiculous.
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Very funny 🙂 Quite a lot of vibrating going on there — of webs, naturally 😉
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Thanks for supplying the great photo, Sarah. Glad it gave you a smile.
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You did it again, Wilbur. Another…er…thought-provoking piece. Now how do I delete the image you’ve inspired? Poor what-was-his-name! 😉
We bloggers should definitely get tips. Why, I spend over an hour of valuable time writing a 100-word “flash fiction” tale. Mind you, Charlotte took all night to write “Some Pig,” didn’t she? Not exactly flash fiction. A labor of love.
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I spent over an hour too. Usually the slowest part is coming up with a new name for our ring-leader. By now, I’ve used up over 250 different names for her. I should be getting some kind of residuals for all that effort. 🙂
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Not sure what to say about that!!! It’s certainly different, delightfully so.
Click to read my FriFic!
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Thought I’d try a spiders POV. It was fun to write.
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Randy should have checked for pheromones!
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Exactly. Females who are receptive leave a coated strand leading to their web. I guess he was just overly horny.
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Ew.
Anyway, what a novel idea! A tip guide on my blog! After all, I’m providing a great service. Entertainment, education, relief from deadly boredom. Why not?
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Absolutely. Think of all those people who would be yawning themselves to death if not for your blog.
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Ha!
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Fine story you’ve spun here. As for Randy he will be a meal another day, after all a spider girl’s gotta eat.
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She could have a leg a day for eight days, although his drumsticks probably aren’t very meaty.
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Hmmm….I think Randy should have stayed home. Love your take on the image.
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This is just one of the dangers of dating on the web.
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Sounded like she had fine dining. 🙂
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And home delivery at that.
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😀
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And Randy offered an arm and leg for a bit of sex… that’s quite a tip I think
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Like your gambler, he risked it all and didn’t get the prize.
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I did not know R rated stories were allowed. Spiders can be so nasty.
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I wouldn’t exactly classify this as arachno-erotica, at least let’s hope not. I don’t think I want to see the video.
Thanks for the comment, Dan. It made me smile.
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anybody named randy sounds like a one-way ticket to anybody who gets bored with the usual 🙂
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I believe in the UK, the term “randy” is equated with feeling frisky. It didn’t work out too well for this guy.
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I so enjoyed this conversation! And a special thank you for the tip about the tip link 😂
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thanks, Dahlia.
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How can a spider not like to eat flies? Nadine is just plain weird, like a vegetarian who doesn’t like vegetables. Great characters and voices.
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There’s always one in every crowd, Sarah Ann. Perhaps Nadine prefers pizza.
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I’m stuck with the image of a pizza munching spider. She’s fat, black, shiny – looks a bit like an olive, apart from the very long legs.
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Makes me almost wish I was a spider. lol
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That gave me a chuckle. 🙂
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You never cease to amaze and delight me with your talent! Poor Randy, but hey, like the idea of blog tipping! @sheilamgood at Cow Pasture Chronicles
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