Wobbly Legs

Posted on March 28, 2018 by

71 Comments

How many of you grew up watching Captain Kangaroo? Yesterday, while pondering the great mysteries of the universe, I thought of Mr. Green Jeans. In all of the hundreds of episodes I watched, I can’t remember seeing him in anything but overalls, causing me to wonder why they didn’t call him Mr. Green Overalls?

After a brief investigation on Google, I discovered Hugh Brannum did at times wear denim pants (or waist-britches, as I call them), but that they weren’t always GREEN! Not that it mattered much to a child watching Black & White TV. These revelations shook my faith. Now, I’m wondering if Bunny Rabbit really needed to wear glasses?

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, our blog show hostess who is known to converse with inanimate objects is Ro-Shari “Lambchop” Lewis Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

 

copyright – Fatima Fakier Deria 

The name is Junior Barnes. Not Junior as in named after my father, just plain Junior. You probably don’t recognize my business name either, but I guarantee you’ve used my products hundreds of times.

People in the industry know me as J. C. Chitwold. I design wobbly tables for bars and restaurants

The beauty of my design lies not in the aesthetically pleasing use of materials, but in the engineering of the wobble itself. It doesn’t matter how many coasters, napkins, or photos of your ex you stuff under the short leg, my tables will always rock. I guarantee it.

 

Category: humorTags: , , , , , , ,

71 Comments on “Wobbly Legs”

  1. Dear Junior Barnes (You gunky),

    If you wiggle dum silly dow ho dum dilly…so I can blame you for the wobbly table? And the wobbly chair. I suppose you’re also responsible for the shopping cart with the bum wheel that won’t turn.
    Ah Captain Kangaroo…loved him…and Mr. Green Jeans. Never gave the overalls much thought, now I’m bound to lose sleep over it. Thanks heaps. Watch out for the falling ping-pong balls.

    Shalom,

    Ro-Shari “Lambchop” Lewis W(T)F

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Dear Ro-Shari “Lambchop” Lewis W(T)F,

      There’s a huge market for wobbly tables & chairs. People spill drinks and order another one, then another. Pretty soon sales have grown by 30%. I don’t fool with the shopping carts. That’s my brother, Chester’s, gig.

      There are more questions than answers when it comes to the happenings on Captain Kangaroo. I think Grandfather Clock was in on the ping pong ball gag. You could see it in his eyes.

      What’s for dinner? Mutton honey?
      Junior (aka – J.C. Chitwold) Barnes

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  5. But where’s the profit in it?

    Oh, yes I did grow up on Captain Kangaroo. Fortunately, the memory is a bit hazy…except for Mr. Moose and the ping pong balls.

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  6. I am happy to say I have never heard of Captain Kangaroo.
    Major ‘Wobbly’ Wallaby, yes, he also made unsteady furniture, except that where we come from the word is ‘shoogly’, as in ‘Yer jaikit’s oan a shoogly nail, pal’.
    Self-explanatory, I think.

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    • That’s too bad. The Captain wore a terrible haircut and was often the target of pranks by a couple of puppets, namely Mr. Moose and Bunny Rabbit. No anime (Thank God) in those days.

      I get the picture with the jacket and the nail. I thought maybe the guy was just drunk and the nail appeared to be wobblin’.

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  8. I do remember Captain Kangaroo very fondly. Those were the good days. And I’ve eaten at those wobbly tables many a time. I have one in the back patio. My 2-year old loves it. She thinks it’s rather fun to watch my carefully crafted rum & coke slosh out as she rocks the table.

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  9. What? He wore regular jeans? I’m in shock…
    As for the wobbly furniture… now that we know the culprit…

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I know, Dale. I’m still in shock! And what’s even worse, he had another life. The man was also a composer and played in some popular bands in his day.

      Junior is thinking about a line of wobbly beds? Whatdaya think? Want to order one?

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      • Go figure…
        Wobbly beds… depending on the… ahem…usage… that could be a dangerous proposition…

        Liked by 1 person

  11. You will be surprised to know that Captain Kangaroo WAS actually a kangaroo and not commissioned in the armed services at all.He lives in Russia now and is in regular contact with Trump. Sorry to have to break this to you. For all I know Greenjeans is in Moscow with him today as well.

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    • I always suspected “Green Jeans” was a code name. However, I still have trouble picturing either him or the Captain in bed with sexy foreign spies–unless of course, Trumps pays for it.

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  14. Ha! Love that! So many of those things do wobble, no matter what you do – you’d think it would be easy enough to design something flat! But now I see that it’s all in his master plan. Is he in league with drinks manufacturers, perhaps? The more people spill their drinks and have to buy more, the more commission he earns?

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Curse you J. C. Chitwold! It was you that spilled the drink, that stickied the table, that got on my elbows, and tattooed them with lint, that lost me the job, on the interview that day!

    Lol, great story Russell. And I have to say the Green Jeans thing always bothered me too. But then I have to question why I was willing to accept Captain Kangaroo. What does that even mean?

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    • Blame it on the table. It was probably the alcohol you slooshed on your clothing and the excessive giggling during the interview that hurt you chances. Chitwold Enterprises takes no credit for that.

      You’ll have to admit, Mr. Green Overalls doesn’t roll off the tongue too easy. The Captain was like a friendly uncle. I felt sorry for him with that bad haircut and the daily onslaught of ping pong balls.

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  17. I never watched Captain K. There was something on another channel, I don’t remember what, that we liked better. Maybe Rocky and Bullwinkle 🙂

    Is Junior saying his tables rock, as in “Chocolate ROCKS, Dude!” Yeah, chocolate will always rock 🙂

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    • In our area, Captain Kangroo came on in the morning and Rocky & Bullwinkle in the afternoon. I still get a lot of my humor from Fractured Fairy Tales. That was a great show with great writers.

      Yes, Chocolate will always ROCK!

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  23. Just yesterday my husband sat at one of his tables! I moved said product next to a ceiling support, that solved the problem. Recently I’ve found a product ~ marshmallow peeps ~ that also seem to help. Perhaps, with these two fantastic ides, we could give J. C. Chitwold a run for his money!

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    • Actually, you and Mr. Chitwold could form a business alliance since your solutions are dependent on his products.

      I did see the photos (and Dale’s comment) on Facebook regarding the marshmallow peeps. Personally, I think that’s an excellent use of foam poultry. My son bought a package for his kids the other day. Erika took one bite, spit it out, and threw the rest of her box in the trash.

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  26. This is such a classic story. I like the idea of using a photo of an ex as a table wedge, and leaving them there for others to tread on later. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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