Booties

Posted on May 16, 2018 by

75 Comments

Remember when people used to send their child’s baby shoes off to have them bronzed? Several of my mother’s friends memorialized their baby’s infancy in this manner. These were usually displayed in a prominent location, so that guests couldn’t help but see them.

I remember wondering why my mother never had a pair of mine bronzed. Did it cost too much? Was she embarrassed by my footwear? There are still several companies that can provide this service. They will even bronze your brassiere, if you’re so inclined. Check it out.   

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the emcee of our program, known for her purple footwear fetish, is Sneaker LeBeau Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise of madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the ensemble of practicing fic-titioners in the writers in FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

 

“Sir, you have a long-distance call from the U.K. Will you accept the charges?” The international operator’s voice was monotone and robotic.

“Sure.” Probably J.K. Rowling asking for writing advice—again.

“Hi, Russell. This is Harry. I was wondering if you’d do me a favor.”

The only Harry I knew of in England was Harry Nilsson, and he was dead.

“Meghan’s father is unable to attend,” said Harry, “and we were hoping you’d fill in for him at the wedding.”

“I guess so. What shall I wear?”

“Whatever’s comfortable. The men are wearing boots.”

“Well, I do have one pair.”

What my baby shoes would have looked like

Category: humorTags: , , , , ,

75 Comments on “Booties”

  1. That looks suspiciously like a shoe Bozo the Clown would wear, Russell. Congratulations for being asked to be in the Royal Wedding. Your fame must be spreading. 😀 — Suzanne

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  3. Dear Nilsson Schmilsson,

    You’re the perfect shoe-in to walk Meghan down the aisle. Without her dad they’ll be lacking comic relief.
    I’d have my Chucks bronzed but that would destroy the lovely purple hue. I did check out the bronzing site. OMG. It fires the imagination.

    A Royal Shalom,

    Sneaker LeBeau W(T)F

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    • Dear Sneaker LeBeau,

      I noticed they offer a variety of finishes, but purple was not among the options. Let’s sing the “Coconut Song” when you get to Branson.

      Nilsson Schmilsson

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      • Roll a bowl a bowl a penny a pitch. I’ll be expecting. Meanwhile trying to get my presentation together. Maybe i need purple red-ball flyers instead of Chucks.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I am sadly disappointed in the company you keep, Russell, I thought that’s why you guys were so revolting a couple of centuries ago, so you didn’t have to mix with these sorts.
    I say Doctor, ain’t there nothin’ I can take, I say Doctor, to relieve this belly ache…

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    • Harry is nothing like George III, and I kinda liked the Beatles. I’m glad they weren’t sore losers.

      Put the lime in the coconut and call me in the morning (our time, not yours).

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  5. Not JUST boots, surely? That would make for a stunning set of wedding photographs … You are mixing in exalted circles these days. Enjoy your day and don’t eat too much cake 🙂

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    • Won’t the paparazzi have a field day with that! Unfortunately, I’ll have to miss the festivies on Saturday because I’m hanging out with Sneaker LaBeau at a writers conference in Branson. She’s doing a presentation on “The Passionate Joys of Purple.” I can’t afford to miss that.

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      • Ha! Sounds like a nicer option than hanging out with Meghan and Harry. Enjoy all that purple 🙂

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  7. There are certainly some similarities between yourself and Meghan’s father, including choice of footwear. Will look out for you on Saturday 🙂

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  10. OMG. J.K. Rowling calls you too? She calls me all the time. It’s so embarrassing. My parents didn’t bronze my shoes either. I think they didn’t want to explain why there were three baby shoes. 😉

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    • I’m sorry she’s become such a pest. I’ll have to take part of the blame for that. J.K. keeps asking technical questions about how to set up a good story and I always say, “I don’t know. Call Eric.”

      I had never thought about the 3rd shoe. I bet my mom was embarassed about it too.

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  13. I am glad JKR took my advice to call you instead of pestering me all the time. Have fun at the wedding, if the shoe fits why not? Just avoid the paparazzi they can be a bit of a bother.

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    • I guess this stuff just rolls downhill. You sent J.K. to me, and I passed her off on Eric. Next she’ll be calling Sandra or C.E.

      The shoe definitely fits.

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  14. Great humour again, Russell. If you’re over for the wedding could you smuggle a doggie bag out of the reception for me? I’ve always wondered what swan and peacock would taste like.

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  19. Teehee! Nice of you to take the mick out of our right royal nuptials! We daren’t – it would be lese majesty or something.
    I offered my services as organist but they didn’t fancy my programme (“Roll out the barrel” to process in, and “You’ll never walk alone” to go out.)

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  23. As usual, I don’t what what I prefer, the intro or the story. In this case, both were “da bomb”! Love it…
    I’m going to the movies tonight with a girlfriend who insisted on going to the early show because she wants to get up early to watch the wedding…
    Whatever floats your boat, I say. And good on you for being the chosen replacement father…

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    • Our Royal Blog Highness told me last night that she usually prefers the intro to my actual story. I don’t have a problem with that. You get you laughs where you can find them, right?

      I’m continually mystified as to why people on this side of the pond even CARE about the royal family. I don’t need to know when they drop their fork or have a bowel movement–I have a life of my own and plenty to occupy my time without being obsessed with them.

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      • Ah well… it is that good 😉
        I dunno why. But those who do, are positively obsessed.

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  24. Timely and silly! lol Thanks for that.
    My parents bronzed my shoes but not my sisters or brothers.
    The perfect line to that would be that Mom always did like me best but that simply wasn’t true.

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    • My parents were practical people. If you couldn’t wear it, work with it, or eat it, you didn’t need it. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

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  30. J.K. Rowling can certainly afford to pay her own long distance charges. And why doesn’t she just skype you?

    Hahaha – Harry must’ve run out of candidates from that … um … age bracket. 😜

    Liked by 1 person

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    • She’s a real tightwad. Even when I give her advice, she rarely takes it. That’s why I had her call Eric.

      Ah, yes, I guess I am in the appropriate age bracket to be Meghan’s substitute dad. However, I’m much better looking and more modest too.

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  32. Perhaps it is a good thing you didn’t have your baby shoes bronzed. I can’t imagine where you’d display those things. They look like they’d take up a tad more room than the average bronzed baby shoe.

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  33. I don’t know what got into me, but I watched the wedding and I think I saw you. Weren’t you the one who stood on Elton John’s foot and caused that 😦 face? Wouldn’t surprise me with these boots.

    Liked by 1 person

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